[the little spruce tree]

Surviving (and thriving) on $12,000 a year

2007-11-26T15:53:00.001-05:00

This was an interesting article found on the Sympatico website about a woman who has returned to university at the age of 48, and how she does it financially. It's a testament to our abilities to survive with less.

By Donna Freedman

November 23, 2007

I'll be living on just over $1,000 a month this year. That doesn't sound like much -- and it isn't -- yet I plan not just to live on it, but to build a savings account.

My 2007 "income," the money I can actually count on, will be $12,084. I know this because it consists of alimony and a portion of a school grant. (I went back to school last year; the grant covers tuition and books with a little left over.) I already know my big-ticket annual costs, too: rent of $6,300 and $1,200 for car insurance. Subtract these from my income and I'm left with $382 a month for food, utilities, clothes, medical deductibles and co-pays, gasoline, renter's and life insurance and any help I give my daughter, who lives on even less than I do.

Make no mistake: I'm poor by choice, because I needed to change my life. I chose to leave my marriage, and I chose to become a student. I can live this way because I know it won't be forever. I'll have my degree in two more years, and I'll go back to work.

I survive on economies large and small. I bring my laundry to baby-sitting jobs (yes, I ask permission). I brown-bag my lunch every single day. I combine coupons and rebates to get items for free (I haven't paid for toothpaste, shampoo or other toiletries for years). I drink water, not soda.

But in order to thrive, you have to hustle, too, always looking for ways to save a dime or to make one. I exchange spent ink cartridges for reams of printer paper at Office Max. Whenever I see a candy dish, I put a piece in my coat pocket; if my energy flags midday, those toffees and peppermints keep me from buying snacks. After I won a basket of specialty coffees at a school event, I immediately sold it on Craigslist.org; I sold a "free after rebate" phone that way, too.

If you've never been really broke, all these desperate little economies might seem silly. You're probably thinking, "Why not have a soda? It's only a dollar." Because I've got just 382 of those dollars each month, that's why, and those dollars have other places to go. The insurance runs out in May and I'll need to get student insurance, at $389 per quarter. The car needs a 60,000-mile check-up. My share of a dental crown is going to be $486; I will ask for a discount if I pay in cash.

Jill of all trades
Last year I survived on a number of here-and-there gigs: freelance writing, work-study, baby-sitting, mystery shopping, resident manager (read: janitor and handyma'am) of my apartment building, paid medical research and writing for the community-college newspaper. (I was the oldest living cub reporter.)

There was little downtime; when I wasn't working I was studying, doing homework or writing papers. And I was perpetually weary and frequently ill all year long. Fact of life: A 48-year-old college student simply doesn't have the energy of an 18-year-old college student.

This year I'm dumping most of the part-time gigs. I'll still freelance and baby-sit, but very selectively. My new school means tough classes, a long bus commute and lots of reading and studying. More to the point, it's a great opportunity, and I'd like to take full advantage. So I'm choosing to work less in 2007, focusing instead on getting healthy and getting my education.

That means careful money management and a fair amount of sacrifice. I'm willing to do both. As a freelance writer and recent divorcee, I'm accustomed to lean living. Here are some of the mantras that have kept me going thus far:

It's not what I have, but how much of it I can keep. To paraphrase Ben Franklin, every dollar I don't spend is a dollar I have earned. So when I think I need something, I ask, "Can I do without this?" Often I find I can. If I can't, then my next question is...

How can I get it free, or almost free? The obvious answers are sites like Craigslist.org and thrift shops, especially ones like Value Village that offer coupons and half-off sales. My 99-cent clock-radio wakes me up every morning just as efficiently as a high-tech alarm from The Sharper Image. Rummage sales are swell, too; my church has an annual sale called "Superfluity" (I love that name) at which I bought my desk for $4 and a small chest of drawers for $1. I also buy Christmas and birthday gifts at Superfluity and an annual "500-family" rummage sale. No one has to know that that hardback bestseller under the tree cost you only 50 cents.

Enough is as good as a feast. I love to eat. I don't love paying for it. Because I don't have a "regular" job of at least 20 hours a week, I don't qualify for food stamps. So I shop very, very carefully, and I go to the food bank. Most weeks I can count on potatoes, apples, bread and a can or two of vegetables. Some lucky weeks I get milk, orange juice, pasta, tomatoes, rice or a small package of meat. I cook a lot of beans and stews, and I'm adequately fed -- maybe not as richly or as conveniently as I'd like, but well enough to keep me going.

Every day is casual Friday! When my jeans are in tatters I buy a "new" pair at Value Village (one pair cost me just $1.63, and it was new -- still had the department-store tags on it). I spend $15 or less on running shoes from clearance tables. I've bought a couple of thrift-store tops, but mostly get by with shirts I've had for ages. (Hint: The clothes dryer takes years off the life of your duds. Get a drying rack.) Some days I wish I looked nicer. Most days it doesn't bother me, and I doubt it'll bother anyone else, since students at my school have been known to wear flannel PJs to class. Bonus: When you dress the way I do, panhandlers hardly ever ask you for money.

Announce my intentions. Time and again I have found that when I need something I should "put it out in the universe," which is also known as "prayer." One night last fall, squinting over my homework, I realized I needed more light in the apartment. A day later, a halogen floor lamp landed in the Dumpster outside my window. Recently my umbrella got cranky about opening. The next week I was given a high-quality bumbershoot as a thank-you gift for helping with a campus blood drive. Coincidences? Maybe.

$20 to feel rich
I've decided to increase my monthly church tithe to $20. Sure, I could use that extra $240 a year. It just about equals the university registration fee, or the money I promised my daughter toward the price of her wedding dress. It also represents almost half of the car insurance premium heading my way in April.

But giving that money away makes me feel rich. No matter how straitened my circumstances, I can be a part of services the church provides for the homeless, the impoverished elderly and those living with AIDS. In other words, tithing reminds me that there are lots of people worse off than me, people who'd love to have my so-called "problems."

That's not to say that I wouldn't like to have more cash. It would allow me to help my daughter, to secure my future, to buy more roasts and fewer pinto beans. But I figure I won the cosmic lottery just by being born here, a country where I can not only work on a degree at age 48, but also find scholarships and education grants to help me pay for it. I have a roof over my head, food every day, family and friends, and occasionally even a $10 student ticket to the symphony. Some days I feel like the luckiest person in the world.

If I really am lucky, then I'll make it through 2007 with a positive bank balance. Check back with me next December and I'll let you know how I did.

Analogies and metaphors

2007-11-18T15:44:00.000-05:00

Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays
in order to have them published and sent out for the amusement of other
teachers across the country. Here are some recent winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled around inside his head, making and breaking
alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the kind of wisdom that can only come from experience,
like a guy who goes blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without
one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was
room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like the sound a dog makes
just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge
at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled
with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie,
surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and
Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots
when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling west at 55 mph, the other from
Topeka at 4:19 p.m. traveling east at a speed of 35 mph.

^
^
^

Ninja Parade

2007-11-11T16:02:00.000-05:00

[the little spruce tree] is addicted to "The Onion News Network"...

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

^
^
^

tree|plugs

2007-11-04T16:41:00.000-05:00

and now, some good stuff...

[heard] Verve//Remixed (Deluxe Box). What happened when hipster DJs take on standard classics in the world of Jazz and Blues? Well some traditionalists cried, “sacrilege!” But while they were busy crying over their tired sax licks, the rest of us were grooving to amazing new approaches to mixing and sexy beats that saw our hips gyrating. Is there is a better way to honour the great voices of jazz (think Ella Fitzgerald, Nina Simone, Billie Holiday, and more) than to breathe fresh life into their contributions to music history? I think not.

Check out any of the three Verve//Remixed albums, or by the Deluxe Box if you want to marinate in the wonderfulness of it all.

[read] The Walrus. Sometimes Wikipedia can sum it up best...

The Walrus is a Canadian general interest magazine which publishes long form journalism on Canadian and international affairs, along with fiction and poetry by Canadian writers. It launched in September 2003, as an attempt to create a Canadian equivalent to American magazines such as Harper's, The Atlantic Monthly or The New Yorker. The magazine's mandate is to "be a Canadian general-interest magazine with an international outlook. We are committed to publishing the best work by the best writers from Canada and elsewhere on a wide range of topics for readers who are curious about the world."

I like it because of the great stories, photos, and because it inspires me to keep writing.

[seen] Into the Wild (Director Sean Penn, based on the novel by Jon Krakauer)

"In April 1992, a young man from a well-to-do family hitchhiked to Alaska and walked alone into the wilderness north of Mt. McKinley. His name was Christopher Johnson McCandless. He had given $25,000 in savings to charity, abandoned his car and most of his possessions, burned all the cash in his wallet, and invented a new life for himself. Four months later, his decomposed body was found by a moose hunter…"

-Jon Krakauer

Definitely one of my top five movies thus far in 2007, Into the Wild takes us on a journey of material and social renunciation, as well as an exploration of human limits. We are left with a precious lesson presented delicately rather than moralistically: we are nothing without each other.

If you have ever dreamed of exploring physical, mental, and spiritual boundaries, if you have ever dreamed of adventure, if you have ever dreamed of running away… then I recommend you run to see this movie.

Watch the “Into the Wild” trailer...

[experienced] Rubber boots. Also known as “Wellies” or “gumboots”, weather-friendly boots were worn and popularized in the early 19th century by British aristocracy and gained popularity for those working in wet weather conditions. These days, not just for farmers, rubber boots are worn by anyone who enjoys functionality and cuteness. With multiple daring designs available, rubber boots have become a key fashion accessory on a wet day.

The only problem is that they have limited selection when it comes to funky and fun boots for boys. But don’t worry my male wet-footed friends, the forecast calls for an increase in options as they become more and more popular.

^
^
^

The Devil Came on Horseback

2007-11-03T16:21:00.000-04:00

The Devil Came on Horseback is a documentary film about the continuing Darfur Conflict in Sudan. It had its première at film festivals in early and mid-2007. This film documents former U.S. Marine Captain Brian Steidle, who is an unarmed military observer with the African Union. He is there with only a camera, a pad of paper and a pen.

I had the opportunity to see the film last Monday evening at Concordia's Cinema Politica. It is a chilling movie, not for the faint of heart. Ultimately I'm glad I got to see it because it has given me a context of the Darfur conflict, which I knew little about before seeing the film.

But why should we care? Well I certainly can't make you care. But if appropriate action is taken, then we can avoid further cultural genocide. I guess for me it starts with educating myself on the various political and conflictual situations occurring on our planet. Then we can use our voices to spread the word.

Today this blog shall be my voice.

Watch the trailer...

^
^
^

June Callwood (1924-2007)

2007-10-26T10:57:00.000-04:00

June Rose Callwood, (June 2, 1924 – April 14, 2007) was a Canadian journalist, author and social activist. Her life was unique, as was her death. Check out an article that she wrote for The Walrus entitled "Forgiveness". Even more impressive was her interview on CBC's The Hour just shortly before her death.

Forgiveness
By June Callwood

A small boy in an industrial city in Ontario was beaten severely many times by his father, to the extent that the boy not infrequently required a doctor to stitch up the wounds. His father, a policeman, sincerely believed that if he beat his son with chains, belts, sticks, and his fists, the boy would not grow up to be gay. That boy, now in his thirties and indelibly a gay man, says he will never forgive his father.

“What he did is not forgivable,” the man says with composure. “How can it ever be all right to abuse a child? But I have let it go.”

And a woman, raised on the Prairies in a Finnish home, married a black man and had a son. She showed the infant proudly to her mother, whose reaction was a look of naked disgust. Her mother and that son, now a charming and successful adult, have since developed an affectionate relationship, but the daughter has not forgotten or forgiven the expression on her mother’s face. "The best I can do,” she says, “is that I have stopped hating her.”

The ability to forgive is a central tenet of every major religion in the world — Christian, Judaic, Hindu, Buddhist, and Islamic. Those faiths urge followers to forgive their enemies and, indeed, even to find a way to love those who wrong them. As the twenty-first century dawns, however, the world is making a spectacular mess of such pious admonitions. Instead of goodwill, this is the age of anger, the polar opposite of forgiveness. Merciless ethnic, tribal, and religious conflicts dominate every corner of the planet, and in North America individuals live with high levels of wrath that explode as domestic brutality, road rage, vile epithets, and acts of random slaughter.

Many people, like the gay man or the woman in a biracial marriage, find forgiveness an unreasonable dictate. Some assaults on the body or soul are unconscionable, they feel, and forgiveness is simply out of the question. It satisfies the requirements of their humanity that they gradually ease away from the primitive thoughts of revenge that once obsessed them...

Keep reading...

* * * *

In 2004, June Callwood was diagnosed with inoperable cancer and refused chemotherapy. "I'm in good shape," she said at the time, "I've lived a long time..."

Click here to watch the heartfelt CBC inverview

^
^
^

Pretty Big Dig

2007-10-20T14:01:00.000-04:00

This is an exquisite treat. Filmmaker, Anne Troake, has created a short piece that blends the lines of dance, choreography, music, and industrialism. You have to see it to believe it.

Take me there...

^
^
^

ascent magazine

2007-10-15T11:05:00.000-04:00

Check out the latest issue of ascent magazine (issue 35) for some interesting articles on gender & sexuality. The following links have excerpts from the articles of the print edition... if you like what you seen, then I definitely recommend getting yourself a copy!

being present with desire
In his struggles with the Buddha’s teachings on celibacy, Noah Levine explores how sexuality can be a teacher rather than a tormentor.

opening out
Lesbian-feminist author & Tibetan Buddhist Daphne Marlatt shares her thoughts about transcending gender in spiritual life. Interview by Roseanne Harvey.

something about Mary
Joanna Manning is a former Catholic nun whose opinions about Mary Magdalene, the Church & sexuality are both inspiring & controversial. Talya Rubin investigates.

flights of pleasure
Eileen Delehanty Pearkes takes brahmacarya out of the ashram & into the world

the union of heaven & earth
Can a hatha yoga practice teach us about intimacy & relationships? By Mark Whitwell

^
^
^

Re: Drag queens not included... or why I'm sort of a bastard

2007-10-14T12:01:00.000-04:00

A friend (and mentor), Terry Kyle, had an ambitious and personal response to the last article. Here's what she had to say:

Understanding parts of who I am doesn’t mean changing who I am….. in more than one sentence:-}

There is something ultimately self arrogant and self-pitying for me in this whole process that defies me. I am a bit sick of, or rather from it. The desire to change is one thing, but my image of what I thought I wanted to ultimately ‘turn into’, makes me ill to discover. Do I really think I have to measure up to something? Something that is out there outside of me? Do I really think that just being a mortal and doing my best is not enough? Yes, I want to be the best "I", and I mean capital "I", can be. Not some image of perfection that I have assumed through socialization. So, I feel like telling myself, “Get over it, get real”. This is you woman so get on with it.

Be real! Fuck up, get up, and get on with it.

This is easily said, but some yucky truth embedded in this analysis is the whiny voice, ‘poor me, come please, Prince(ss) What-Ever, please save me for I try so hard!”. Pouff, back to the fairytale I am led… "Well, who makes me poorer than me?", I ask of this image I take on. I am weighted by this self-centered image and welcome ideas of empathy, support, caring, and compassion, community, or so I hope…

There goes the discovery of my mental models. They do not charm me, but yet I am attached. Without knowing, I somehow transformed my outward defensiveness towards inward defensiveness about maintaining those ugly things! Oh no, they are part of who I am – Hello Terry, gulp, and that is okay. Acceptance, I ask? Well, trying to murder or disassociate myself from them has not worked well in the past.

I guess, well [actually I] know, that I must give my lovely funky gifted, imperfect soul a break and say hurray for where I am and where I have come and cheers to all the hope, faith, hard work and compassion I can muster in the world on the rest of my journey with us.

Gosh, it is hard to see the ground or the sky from such a self-centered position.

^
^
^

Drag queens not included... or why I'm sort of a bastard

2007-10-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

----------

For someone who’s supposed to be benevolent, I’m sort of a bastard.

The thing is, I am a judger. I am constantly forming opinions of people upon superficial qualities. I am assessing, deliberating, and drawing conclusions based on limited information. I wield these personal opinions and evaluations like a samurai fighting a gaggle of military aristocracy – sometimes stealth and subversive, sometimes explicit and confrontational. My judgments are often deadly, and sometimes the innocent fall victim to my condemning sword. But I was not always like this.

As a youngster I received many messages saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” and “Walk a mile in another person’s shoes”, and for years I aspired to embody nonjudgmental behaviour. I would scold my parents anything remotely resembling a generalization, and I would play devils advocate whenever I heard friends make unfair comments. For instance, “Maybe the guy driving the Hummer cut you off because he’s racing to the hospital to see his mother who only has minutes left to live after impaling herself during a freaky quilting accident. Did you ever consider that?”

In my quest to exemplify “nonjudgmentalism”, I would challenge and argue and advocate for the person who (for whichever reason) could not be there to defend for his or her self. How did I become such an eager ally to people I did not know? How did I not end up in Law School? Or more importantly, how the hell did I get so self-righteous?

As I transferred into my twenties, I increasingly became involved in my communities, where the primary prerequisite to any volunteer positions was the art of nonjudgmentalism. I would align myself with an organization (and its mission) to provide a service that improves the livelihoods of clients. The “Harm-Reduction” model implies (amoung other things) that I can’t reduce the transmission of HIV if I judge the choices of injection drug users. I can’t help single, teenage mothers if I am criticizing their behaviour. I learned that if I wanted to be of service to my world, I’d have to retire my judgments.

But I’ve come out of retirement.

Although I still enjoy a good argument (as I did when I was a kid) and I definitely believe in a Harm-Reduction model of prevention, these days I often catch myself making potentially dangerous judgments that teeter between careful consideration and uninformed opinion. It is a very thin line, I’ve discovered.

For example, we had a guest speaker recently in one of my classes. Within seconds I had dismissed the credibility of this person based primarily upon the way she presented herself stylistically. She wore a purple dress suit, cut high above her knees, with shoulder pads and gold jewelry (circa 1983). Her face was painted thick with make-up, while her hair was dyed and spiked, like she had stepped out of a wind tunnel. Plainly stated, I thought she was tacky and out of touch with any sort of reality of which I was familiar. I quickly inferred that we would have conflicting values; it was a judgment based upon superficial attributes.

In theory, I would be open to what she was saying. Instead I found myself blocked by my own perceptions and proceeded to tune out completely. The voice of a younger version of myself now creeps into my head and says, “Daniel, perhaps this woman could have taught you something, if only you would have paid attention”. At which point I respond and say, “But did you see her eye-shadow? How could I possibly trust someone like that (Drag queens not included)?” Perhaps I could have learned something from this woman, but now I’ll never know.

Although I still value a nonjudgmental approach to living my life, I also believe in the importance of critical thinking. Yet these concepts border on being conflicting values. Don’t I need to make some basic judgments if I am going to be critical? How would I critique art or society (or beer) if I did not make basic judgments? How does being evaluative or critical differ from being judgmental?

I guess the most important thing for me is to consider, is how much information I have for my judgments or evaluations. What is the basis of my judgments before I start getting all Zatoichi on friends and family? Do I have enough data to form a fair opinion on the strangers I meet everyday? Recognizing my levels of information, and making them explicit, before I unleash a judgment is a good place to start.

So heck, maybe I’m not such a bastard even if I do make judgments. Still, I think I’ll keep working on that “self-righteous” thing.

^
^
^

What is "Canadian Cuisine"?

2007-10-05T11:09:00.000-04:00

In honour of Thanksgiving, the CBC has posted some interesting video clips, compiled from over the years, all around the theme of Canadian Cuisine. Videos which explore foods such as poutine, doughnuts, fiddleheads, Nanaimo bars, Saskatoon Berry Pie, Canadian cheddar cheese, and maple syrup will leave you scratching your head in a national identity crisis. What is our culinary identity?

From the CBC Archives...

Is there such a thing as Canadian cuisine? The idea of ordering "Canadian" may have some scratching their heads. But Canada has given the world its share of gastronomic delights. From peameal bacon to poutine to pemmican, CBC Archives digs in to some distinctly homegrown fare.

See the videos...

^
^
^

Clarifying a misconception...

2007-10-01T11:48:00.000-04:00

Finally, the truth about the military's policy on homosexuals...

'Gays Too Precious To Risk In Combat,' Says General

^
^
^

What are you looking for?

2007-09-26T14:52:00.000-04:00

It's a crazy world out there... and I have proof. Due to advances in technology (and I'm not talking about the wheel here), I am able to monitor the activity of [the little spruce tree]. This includes access to data regarding how many people read the blog each day, the geographical location of readers and, my favourite, the "keyword" searches that have lead people to this blog.

Below is a list of what people (in the past two weeks) have typed into a search engine and then somehow found their way to this blog. Here's what you have been looking for:

where do spruce trees come from
place to watch people masterbate
and one sweet day, we two shall meet max ehrman
lisa baylis facebook
how to sit alone or in a crowd observation
in secret you admire goose's boots
alberta story lyrics spruce
buddhist monks masterbation
freud and elephants

Thanks for finding [the little spruce tree]... errr, I think.

^
^
^

[the little spruce tree] evolves

2007-09-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

The newest feature of [the little spruce tree] is a last.fm playlist. It is a collection of tunes that provide a backdrop to your reading pleasures. It gives you the opportunity to discover a new song or artist. You are also able to load [the little spruce tree] playlist in a pop-up window and listen to all of the songs while you are working at your computer (ie: frolicking on Facebook)... just click the lower right hand of the last.fm icon on the side of this page!

Be sure to leave a comment if you find something that strikes a chord with you!

* * *

And while you're here, make sure to vote for your favourite part of the blog... it's not just for show, it helps me understand what content is most popular.

I aim to please.

^
^
^

The 100 Mile Diet

2007-09-20T10:46:00.000-04:00

(Taken from 100milediet.org...)

When the average North American sits down to eat, each ingredient has typically travelled at least 1,500 miles—call it "the SUV diet." On the first day of spring, 2005, Alisa Smith and James MacKinnon (bios) chose to confront this unsettling statistic with a simple experiment. For one year, they would buy or gather their food and drink from within 100 miles of their apartment in Vancouver, British Columbia.

Since then, James and Alisa have gotten up-close-and-personal with issues ranging from the family-farm crisis to the environmental value of organic pears shipped across the globe. They've reconsidered vegetarianism and sunk their hands into community gardening. They've eaten a lot of potatoes.

Their 100-Mile Diet struck a deeper chord than anyone could have predicted. Within weeks, reprints of their blog at thetyee.ca had appeared on sites across the internet. Then came the media, from BBC Worldwide to Utne magazine. Dozens of individuals and grassroots groups have since launched their own 100-Mile Diet adventures. The need now is clear: a locus where 100-milers can get the information they need to try their own lifestyle experiments, and to exchange ideas and develop campaigns. That locus will be here at 100MileDiet.org—turning an idea into a movement.

Why eat Local? Click here for 13 lucky reasons...

^
^
^

tree|plugs

2007-09-16T22:26:00.000-04:00

Here is some stuff that has wowed my world...

[heard] Dragonette. This sprightly Canadian duo is making waves internationally with their infectious (of the good kind) smut-pop. With songs like “Take It Like A Man” and “Jesus Doesn’t Love Me Anymore”, you can’t help but feel a little bit of dirty down in your soul.

For even more lubricity or simply to increase your heart-rate, check out their sizzlin’ video for “I Get Around”.

[read] Eat, Love, Pray (Elizabeth Gilbert). Ms. Gilbert has essentially done what so many of us dream of doing – she packed her bags, traveled the world for a year, and then wrote a soulful (and bestselling) memoir of her trials, tribulations, and learning experiences. She had three main stops on her quest: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and balance in Indonesia. It is full of heart and humour, and might just be the catalyst you need to plan an adventure…

[seen] The Danish Poet (Torill Kove). This darling 15-minute tale took home the Oscar for Best Animated Short Film at this year’s Academy Awards last February. It was a joint venture between National Film Board of Canada and a Norwegian film company, but more aptly a joint venture between existentialism and adorable animation. It is a tale of happenstance, told by a young woman describing the meeting of her parents…

“But had it not been for the Danish poet and Sigrid Undset, a rainy summer in Norway, a slippery barn plank, a careless mailman, a hungry goat, a broken thumb, and a crowded train, my parents might never have met and who knows I might still be a little seed floating around in the sky waiting for someone to come and get me.”

[experienced] Alaska. I recently spent 4 weeks leading a group of teenagers on a community service tour up in “The Last Frontier” and I discovered that it’s true what they say - the summer sun doesn’t sleep in the north. The downside of the trip was that the northern lights were nowhere to be seen (due to all the daylight), the upside was the breathtakingly beautiful scenery: mountains, fjords, glaciers, rivers… and fish heads.

But Alaska was just a backdrop. The true experience was spending a month with 18 kick-ass teenagers who will undoubtedly continue to develop into honourable, wise, sensitive and humourous individuals that will have great impact on the world. It was a month of remembering the sensitivity, awkwardness, and potential of adolescence.

^
^
^

Return to Innocence

2007-09-14T12:16:00.000-04:00

Since we're all too special for words these days, maybe it's time we go back...

Should we return to a simpler, stone age lifestyle?

^
^
^

I'm Special

2007-09-10T20:35:00.000-04:00

Hello, my name is Daniel and I am special.

“And what makes you so frickin’ special?” you ask.

Well, I have countless reasons, really. For instance, I’ve these really hot sunglasses that make me look like a rockstar and, like, 200 friends on Facebook. Also, I’ve traveled to a bazillion countries and read, like, a jillion books. Plus, I can do this really freaky thing with my tongue and the guy that invented gobstoppers is my great uncle twice removed.

So obviously, I am precious.

Welcome to modern day North American culture where we are all so fucking special. We have (fake) designer hand bags and asymmetrical hairdos and cell-phones on which we loudly jabber away in public spaces. We are the starlets of reality television and the celebs of YouTube. We have coffee orders more complex than strands of DNA and personalized exercise regiments that involve “special” shakes, crunches, and lycra shorts. We have become embedded with the notion that we can do anything, have anything, and want everything. We have special needs created for us, and then have a special sense of entitlement to have them specially met.

We are in an era of Me-ism, where “specialness” is virtually synonymous with individuality or individualism. To achieve greatness in this culture, all we have to do is worship three important deities: me, myself, and I. Scholars have noted that persons in individualistic cultures are primarily motivated to serve their own interests. As such, personal success and achievement often trump societal or communal goals. But this little tidbit of information is more intrinsic than ground-breakingly academic.

Our post-modern thought processes might include many rationalizations of our actions: “Family? Are you kidding? I have a career to build” or “I can have that SUV because I deserve it (and because public transit is just so tedious)”. We are bombarded with choice and consumer “power”, and smart marketing strategies give the illusion that we are special. But are we?

In days of yore, it was a bit easier to be truly special. If you were literate, voila, you were special. If you were a woman with a beard, if you owned a parrot, or if you added a new element to the periodic table, then chances are you were pretty damn special. In fact, a couple of hundred years ago, one didn’t want to be too special or you might just be burnt as a witch. In current times, however, it’s pretty hot to be special.

So what makes people actually special these days?

It’s a tough question, but I have come up with some preliminary guesses. Courtesy, generosity and valor are special. People who hold doors open and give up seats on the bus are top notch in my books. In a world of glossy pop radio, Starbuck’s up sales, and botox expressions, I feel minor pulses of electricity surge through me when someone is sincerely pleasant with me. Initiative is pretty special. Those people who are actually engaged in doing what they love, whether it’s for themselves or their communities, have something uncommon going on. Finally, having a trade is special. A person who can make furniture or tailor clothes or fix an engine impresses me. It seems counter-intuitive how simple things have suddenly become special.

I think simplicity is the new special.

Of course, these are all my ideas of what is special, and the list is certainly not exhaustive. You may think my ideas to be boring or antiquated (and I might not disagree), but for each humanoid the concept of what is “special” is going to be personal. And, yes, I try to fit myself into that list whenever possible.

The truth is that I’m just your average university student trying to figure out what he’s doing with his life. Sometimes it helps to believe that I’m special, simply to ease an overwhelming message which is a byproduct of living in an individualist culture. The message reads like this: YOU are responsible for actualizing your own human potential and finding your own happiness. (Woah… why’d you have go all “Doctor Phil” on me?) Perhaps this sounds profound or sad or tiresome or even misinterpreted, but this is what I have learned - if it’s an individualistic culture, then I am individually responsible.

Yet whether you belief that or not, I still think we all want to feel special. Perhaps we even have a right to be special. So whether it’s your single-shot, decaf, tall, hazelnut latte or the fact that you can sing like Pavarotti, I guess we just need to choose carefully what will make us individuals… what will make us “special”.

Thanks for the music, Pavarotti... you were indeed special.

^
^
^

[the little spruce tree]... teaser

2007-08-31T20:27:00.000-04:00

[the little spruce tree] begins a new season in a matter of days.
Stay tuned for more introspective ramblings
and questionable attempts at humour.

^
^
^

Where the hell is...?

2007-06-22T13:02:00.000-04:00

Well summer has officially arrived (as of yesterday). Happy Solstice!

In regular Daniel fashion, summer brings a bit of travel, adventure, and work for me... currently, I'm over on the left coast getting ready to start a work contract in Alaska with a teen travel company.

In honour of adventure, here's a little clip of a man named Matt Harding who has made a name for himself as an adventurer, humourist, and jigger. Watching the video always makes me smile.

If you liked the clip, you can visit his website (wherethehellismatt.com) to find out more information on where he's been, how he's traveled, and where the hell he might be at the moment.

* * *

Unfortunately, due to work commitments, I am not going to be able to provide a lot of new content for [the little spruce tree] in the coming weeks. So, I wanted to open the blog up to submissions from you! If you'd like to contribute something (a love song, a video, a story, a poem, a rant, whatever!), send it to me and I will post it as I go.

I would be honoured to receive your stuff!

^
^
^

Virus

2007-06-11T13:41:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something that I wrote a few years ago, and recently updated. It is interesting to go back to old things with fresh eyes. Perhaps I will come back to this in a few years and decide it needs updating.

One can hope.

Virus

We are an entertaining virus

We have taboos and hairdos
and plant trees in concrete spaces

We drink caffeine and paint our faces
and take ourselves too seriously

We speak in dialects and hand gestures
and hope that someone else will
spare some change

We bruise easily and forgive slowly
We want greatly and consume quickly

We are a productive plague.

* * *

Yet I sit back and watch us eat away,
watch us spread.

And I try not to despair.

Instead I sit on benches
and observe
and hope
that by watching and learning

I could be part of a reparation.

Stretching out on a rock...

2007-06-05T09:38:00.000-04:00

Hey spruce tree readers... I apologize for the lack of content lately. I was recently on vacation, and have since returned with a bit of a cold. Thus creative energies have been at a minimum. Feel free to send out some good vibes my way.

Anyway, in my attempt to get myself a bit more grounded, I decided to do some yoga at home. I was looking for some videos to inspire me. This one was lovely...

(inhale, exhale... this will keep me grounded)

^
^
^

Literary Portrait #1: Alfred's Secret

2007-05-28T15:40:00.000-04:00

I have decided to introduce a new feature to [the little spruce tree], it's called "Literary Portrait". One of life's simple pleasures is to sit and watch people, and I wanted to incorporate that experience of inquisitive observation into this space - to simulate the moment through words. I simply write what I am experiencing (thoughts, emotions, questions,etc) which is influenced by the interactions of the social space.

Let me know if you have any thoughts/reactions to it.

I have been here for nearly an hour. Sipping scalding Earl Grey, picking at a buttery croissant, and doing my best to absorb the information that my textbook dangles before me.

Then he enters.

A man of 80 years, perhaps. He looks like an "Alfred".

Alfred whistles along to the sad jazz music that plays as he takes of his snow covered boots and places on indoor shoes. He wears a gold watch and a ring on the right finger. There is something right about him. On his head sits a wool cap that is removed to reveal whispy white hair and a small bald area.

He is old, but seems joyful... and I am mesmerized by this.

Alfred speaks to me briefly in French, and I reply shyly with my limited skills, wishing that I could better honour his willingness to engage me. He tells me how lovely this space is; this cafe where funeral home and art gallery and library softly find a meeting point. Often there is death in the air, but Alfred seems to keep it at bay with unabashed life.

He walks to the back to speak with the girls who work here. The seem happy to humour him and exchange French words like free flowing traffic moving in opposite directions. He hovers there longer than socially appropriate, perhaps wanting to savour the interactions.

One of the girls brings a coffee to his seat, and he commences to hum again. The music from the stereo has stopped in the cafe and his quick tune fills the space. He sits, coffee sipping and flipping through his newspaper.

Alfred's face is long; time has pulled on his cheeks with indifference to any aspiration of maintaining youth.

The music recommences and Alfred adds more hot milk to his espresso. He sips and says, "C'est bon, le café". The newspaper rests at the crossword and he holds a pencil in his right hand while humming once more at the music.

I do my best not to stare, but I want to witness his moves. I want to soak in his ability to be alive. I want to ask him how he has maintained his spirit.

Alfred holds a secret.

^
^
^

tree/plugs

2007-05-21T22:29:00.000-04:00

Here´s what´s good in the world:

[heard] Mika. If you haven’t heard (and loved) Grace Kelly on the radio by now, then you are officially being diagnosed with the boring bug. Mika’s debut album, Life in Cartoon Motion, is sweeping through the land faster than herpes at a whorehouse.

In Billy Brown he sings about a married man falling “victim of the times”, poor Billy falls in love with another man. Mika gives a nod to fat girls everywhere in Big Girl (You are Beautiful), saying that ya’ll have “curves in all the right places”. He even gets a bit sentimental in Happy Ending, calling for a “little bit of love” for all of those who have been burnt by love. It’s campy, it’s light, it’s sassy, it’s fun, and it’s sugary pop perfection… just in time for summer.

I just want to pinch his cheek(s).

[read] Dwell. A magazine subscription is great because it guarantees that I will get at least one thing in the mail per month that is not a bill. A Dwell subscription is great because I get 100 pages of beautiful design (homes, appliances, art, and more), reviews of household products, and sustainable ideas to make my life functional and fabulous. The magazine is for those who appreciate good design but haven’t yet had the opportunity to go to art school; it is accessible, but tasteful.

Core values of the magazine include creating spaces and objects that are environmentally sustainable, that build community, and that are beautiful. I am converted. It’s time to start accepting the fact that we don’t have to compromise form and function… everything we buy should work wonderfully and look beautiful.

Now it’s up to us as consumers to demand this.

[seen] Shut Up and Sing. There is something about a sharp-tongued southern gal that makes my heart go pitter-patter. In the spring of 2003, Natalie Maines spitted out a phrase that would cause years of turmoil for The Dixie Chicks… “We’re ashamed that George Bush is from Texas”.

The filmmakers take us along a journey of intense pro-American backlash and the impact that Maines’ words had. Shown are three intelligent women who understand the music industry game they are playing, who have a sense of humour about their scenario, and who are willing to speak out for freedom of speech. It’s more than a documentary about a country band; it’s about standing up for what you believe in.

The Dixie Chicks, I believe in.

[experienced] Hedonism - the philosophy that focuses on increasing pleasure.

For the past month, I have been lucky to have some down time to recover from a hectic school year and enjoy a slower pace of life. I have watched movies, read a novel, practiced yoga, made a video, and spent leisurely hours with friends. It was basically about enjoying life and being good to myself.

Is it okay to pause? To take extended time for self? Is it a privilege or a right? Could we go as far as saying that self-indulgence could lead to enlightenment?

You tell me.

"Society better get used to..."

2007-05-17T20:36:00.000-04:00

Speaking of "deviant" sexual behaviour, the CBC Archives has some really amazing footage of a 1950's television special on homosexuality, as well as other footage throughout the past 50 years.

It is quite the marker of a cultural shift.

From the CBC Archives:

"It's 1959, and homosexuality is a topic few are willing to discuss. Like some of the people interviewed on the street in this CBC Television clip, many believe that homosexuals should be locked up. Most in the medical profession believe homosexuality is, at best, a psychiatric problem. But a gay man — interviewed in silhouette to protect his identity — says society has to get used to homosexuals, and not the other way around..."

Take me to the archives...

May is Masterbation Month!

2007-05-14T21:50:00.000-04:00

Don't believe what you read!!! Every time you masterbate this month,
God will reduce a vote from the Conservative Party for the next Federal election!

So May is Masterbation Month! (but as if you need ME to tell you that..) And in honour of hairy palms and being thrown in insane asylums (see below), I have decided to share an article from one of my favourite columnists, Ms. Josey Vogels. Enjoy!

Self Reflection

It was viewed as the crack cocaine of sexuality, writes Thomas W. Laqueur about masturbation in the 18th century.

“It was prone to excess as no other kind of venery was […] it had no bounds in reality, because it was a creature of the imagination,” Laqueur writes of the beliefs surrounding onanism, in his exhaustive history of the practice Solitary Sex: A Cultural History of Masturbation (Zone Books).

So much for the Age of Enlightment...

Take me to the rest of the article!

Throughout the ages, Ken has always been a classic wanker...

Space for Growth

2007-05-10T17:51:00.000-04:00

To live is to change: our bodies change, our perspectives develop, our knowledge levels grow, our relationships evolve. Change is the only constant that I know. It is unavoidable, unpredictable, and, at times, uncontrollable. What is here today may be gone tomorrow, and what is currently absent in our lives may appear over time.

Change can force a reaction. Often we counterpoise to limit the impact of events or losses or moves; we struggle to maintain our equilibriums. At times we fear change because we don't know what will happen to our balance. The unknown is scary.

But change can also be proactive. To a certain degree, we have the abilities to define what changes we would like and what we can avoid. We can author our own plot twists.

As such, I have made a video to honour the process of welcoming change.

Happy 100th!

2007-05-06T11:20:00.000-04:00

Guess what? This is the 100th post of [the little spruce tree]! Can you believe it?

"Actually... yes", says you.

"Well thanks for raining on my parade", I say.

"Shut up and write", you say.

"Oh... okay"

* * *

So with out further adieu, I will present five of my favourite posts from the archives. Perhaps you've read them before, perhaps not. Either way, I wanted to take the opportunity to look back and revisit some of the highlights. This is [the little spruce tree] at its best...

• Professional Crastinator (April 06). This was one of my earliest posts. Because I try to post something every 3 or 4 days, I was feeling pressured to post something, but I had no idea what to write about (creative block)... so I wrote about nothing. Definitely one of my funnier moments.

• On Romanticism (June 06). Without expecting it, this simple "ode to romanticism" became one of my most controversial posts with some interesting comments. I was so stoked that someone had chosen to engage/challenge me that I devoted a whole post to responding (see July 06 archives).

• Graphing the Glory (September 06). A good image can take a post to a higher level. This was a great example where I found the perfect image to accompany what I was writing about. Looking back, I crack up at the thought of my "motley theory of karmatic emotional equilibrium"... vintage Baylis ramblings.

• Urgent Resolutions! (January 07). I feel confident with a post if I laugh out loud when I write it. I was in the library giggling as I imagined myself "dry-humping bar stools"... [the little spruce tree] aspires to mix introspection and humour, I felt like I succeeded here.

• Let's Talk about Sex (February 07). I love to talk about sex. It was a pleasure to sit down with my friend, Mylene, and chat about what is sexy and why. Plus, I interviewed International Mr. Leather! It was all very satisfying for me... tee-hee.

So thanks for reading... and remember that your feedback is always welcome.

Please stick around to see what the next 100 will look like!

^
^
^

Carbon Neutral...

2007-05-04T15:02:00.000-04:00

[from the David Suzuki Foundation Website]

Climate change is a serious problem, caused primarily by the carbon dioxide released from burning fossil fuels like oil, coal, and gas. But there are things we can do about it - like choosing to go carbon neutral.

Going carbon neutral is an easy way to take responsibility for the greenhouse gas emissions we create every time we drive our cars, take a plane, or turn on our computers. It's based on the principle that, since climate change is a global problem, an emission reduction made elsewhere has the same positive effect as one made locally.

Here's how it works: if you add polluting emissions to the atmosphere, you can effectively subtract them by purchasing 'carbon offsets'. Carbon offsets are simply credits for emission reductions achieved by projects elsewhere, such as wind farms, solar installations, or energy efficiency projects. By purchasing these credits, you can apply them to your own emissions and reduce your net climate impact.

Why Go Carbon Neutral?

Keep reading to find out...

^
^
^
|

Moments II

2007-04-30T11:02:00.000-04:00

You have beautiful moments layered in your memory… I know you do. In fact, you probably have too many to count. You may have lost some with the passage of time, but you have the ability to recall a moment when you were at your most significant. It was when you were sitting around with your friends and you suddenly realized that you were surrounded by goodness. It was when you committed to a partner to stick with them through thick or thin. It was when you felt the white sand beach between your toes. It was something else that I cannot put into words for you because it is so personal or intimate, or it simply lacks sufficient literary expression.

Your moments are when you were filled with contentedness or joy or gratitude or wonder or peacefulness. Perhaps you felt like the world “stood still”. They are the good times, however you may chose to define them. And, to put it bluntly, they make life worth living.

Often we try to capture the essence of the moment, so that we can return to re-live the goodness. Yet how exactly do we capture these moments?

In earlier times, we committed them to memory by the retelling of significant events. Our wondrous moments became stories that were told with animation around mid-night fires. Each time the story was told with different flavour, with emphasis on various words or points in the narration. The memory of our moments would evolve.

We then learned how to draw and paint. We drew basic representations of objects and ideas, and slowly these evolved to life-like paintings of complete scenes and people with facial expressions that added new depth and texture to the re-creation of moments. As we became more precise in our representations, so did the precision of returning to the core emotions of a moment.

As we drew, we created a system of little symbols that represented sounds. When arranged in certain ways, these little symbols would form words, which in term represented various concepts or objects. The words would come together to form sentences, and then sentences to form paragraphs, and paragraphs to stories. We began to write our moments out with ink and paper, so that we could go back and re-experience their magic. Words became a way to travel back in time.

Now our primary mode of returning to our most contented moments is through photography. We click away endlessly with hopes that we will somehow capture the goodness of the moment, so that we can return and re-experience the emotion. With digital photography and video recording, the amount that we can now document is stifling. We are able to capture the landscapes and events of a moment with ease, but even these tools have their limitations.

Perhaps there is a greater reason why we cannot ever fully experience a moment again. Perhaps it is in the best interest of human survival if we are forced to continually seek new joy, rather than re-live older pleasures. Maybe this is what keeps us going – the quest for good feelings and the hope that we will experience pleasant moments again.

Yet despite our inabilities to completely return to a moment, most of us still try to document our times of joy, laughter, achievement, and togetherness. I suppose there is something comforting in taking a photograph or writing a journal; these recorded moments give us something to hold on to. A photo album is a collection of roots, in the sense that it can ground us and give order or connectedness within chaos.

I guess that we try to hold onto moments to create meaning – so that we are not simply random organisms living a series of random events. In capturing our moments, we are able to assemble them into our life’s greatest work… our own life stories. It is a powerful thought to imagine that we can be our own authors.

Who doesn’t want to write a beautiful story filled with beautiful moments?

Your story is coming together.

^
^
^

Moments

2007-04-29T11:32:00.000-04:00

Talent (for caring)

2007-04-22T14:39:00.000-04:00

Happy Earth Day!

Isn't it funny that we need a day to celebrate and care about the earth? It's like having "oxygen day" or "brain appreciation day", why would we not be celebratory everyday for that which gives us life?

Anyway, I'll save the rant.

Instead, here's a little earth-lovin' tune by one of Canada's finest singer/songwriters... Sarah Harmer.

Enjoy!

Talent

2007-04-18T16:45:00.000-04:00

This illustration was done by a man near and dear to my heart... Mr. Leonard Cohen. For me, it sums up the never-ending process of our individual evolution. No matter how accomplished we may become, there is always the next level to attain.

And sometimes we just wish we could have a special skill or talent (that we might not ever attain), such as playing the violin or taking beautiful photos or running a 3-hour marathon or being clairvoyant.

What is your hidden, under-developed talent?

tree/plugs

2007-04-14T09:58:00.000-04:00

Here's the second installation of "tree/plugs". These are some simple recommendations based on the best of what life has offered up recently. Keep me posted if you have suggestions!

* * *

[heard] Lucinda Williams. Named as “America’s Best Songwriter” by Time Magazine in 2002, Lucinda released a new album in February entitled WEST, it follows a similar format to her other albums, however this one perhaps a bit more grittier than recent works. She knows how to take a subject, find minimal (yet succinct) lyrics, and inject it with delicate wisdom. It’s the kind of music that you return to and keep finding layers.

In WEST, Lucinda starts out strong with Are You Alright, a medium paced “drivin’ in the country” song where she simply asks about the wellbeing of a friend who has drifted off. It is an anthem to the folks with whom we’ve lost touch. Another favourite is What if… a song that explores an alternative world where things are turned upside down, “I shudder to think/ what it would mean/ if the president wore pink/ or if a prostitute was queen.” Finally, in classic Lucinda fashion, she finishes with a song that could soften the Rocky Mountains. The title track, West, is an ode to openness; it is stretching out in the sun and letting yourself be warmed. We could all use a bit of that.

I’ll be on the next plane… heading west.

[read] The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho). After a recent craving for inspiration, I picked up this fable for the second time. It was a much needed refresher – although it might not be for everyone. I hover between writing it off for its religious undertones to proclaiming it as one of the best pieces of literature ever written. It appeals to certain beliefs that I hold: we speak a single language (we are one) and that, by following our dreams, we help the world become better. It is a story for our souls.

Read it. Tell me what you think.

[seen] Microcosmos. Warning, seeing this movie may cause you to give up escargots forever. Never have snails been so… oh I don’t know… sensual and erotic? The filmmakers take us inside the purposeful world of insects, a world that most of us never actually witness at this level of intimacy. The entire film is set to classical music draped over colourful insect images. It goes beyond bug fornication, to unveil the mini-realities of the heroes of our ecosystems. You really have to see it to believe it.

It is almost enough to make me forgive all the blackflies in the world… almost.

[experienced] Facebook. The age of anonymity is officially over. The world’s hottest online profiling website, Facebook, now offers us the opportunity to reconnect with everyone from our pasts… even those folks that you spent a decade trying to forget. It becomes an addiction. Suddenly you are having disjointed conversations with people who you haven’t seen in years… hmmm, can I sum up the past 10 years in three sentences?

"Acquired some wisdom via post-secondary education, dead-end jobs, and humbling backpacking trips. Lines around the eyes indicate an attempt to look deeper into things. Blundered at love (multiple times over)… but still going back for more. Daniel = gratified."

Shit. Well I guess 3.5 sentences will work.

Reginald's Law of Realization

2007-04-11T11:29:00.000-04:00

This column is dedicated to two individuals: Terry Kyle (for your warmth and energy) and to my father (for teaching me adventure).

* * *

The semester is wrapping up quickly. After exams are conquered, some of us will keep trudging away through spring classes, some of us will commence our summer employment, and some of us will be closing a chapter of our lives, with university degrees completed.

For those who are not returning, it can be tough to say goodbye to school… heck, it can be tough to say goodbye to a lot of things. But university is an especially formative time for many people. I know that when I finish (next April), I will leave deeply impacted by my university years. How will I make the transition from school to “the next phase”? I often wonder how will my life be different when I finish. Where will I be in 5 years?

Life is pretty random; we don’t always know where we’ll end up.

For instance, as I write this, my father (Reginald) is just north of Nowheresville, Ontario in an 18-wheel cargo truck heading east with a random man named “Oscar”.

For this little anecdote to make sense, allow me to take you back a couple of months…

On one snowy day in February, I returned to my computer (after a procrastinating pause to pluck my nose hairs) to find a slew of MSN messages from my father (who lives in Prince George, BC) telling me about his highlight of the day (usually this involves walking to get the mail). This particular message was not unlike any of the other rambling messages that I have received… until I got to the end.

“By the way, Dan, I think I’ll hitchhike across Canada to visit you in April.”

“Sure Dad”, I thought, “I’ll just paddle my canoe to Winnipeg to meet you. Then for shits and giggles, we’ll build a hot-air balloon from corncobs and fly to the Galapagos Islands to observe endangered albino dingbats.” My father… what a kook!

But not one to scoff at adventure, Reginald decided that his thumb could (and would) get him to Montreal. He hit the highway last Monday with a brown bag lunch, a backpack, and a faith that humanity would get him where he wanted to go.

Well, “humanity” took him to Red Deer, Alberta that day. But then it carried him through the prairies, north across the Great Lakes, and soon he will arrive into Toronto.

My father’s trip is becoming a learning experience for all of us. It turns out that hitchhiking in the snow kind of sucks, but that truckers are generally pretty nice (if not desperately in need of social interaction). Shortly into his trip, a talkative trucker from El Salvador picked up my snow-covered father from the side of the road. The two have become “Highway One” buddies for a couple thousand kilometers now.

Once in Toronto, Reginald plans to take the train up to Montreal. He left me a weary sounding phone message last night, “After 4000 kilometers of keeping people company, I can’t wait to get a seat to myself and to not talk to anyone.” Fair enough, I say.

I must admit that I admire my father’s sense of adventure. He has a deep-rooted theory that everything he needs in life will somehow be provided. I think Reginald’s theory shall soon be declared as “Reginald’s Law of Realization” – ask what you need, and it shall be realized.

So if you are saying “au revoir” to a certain stage in your life, good luck with transitioning into work or travels or whatever is next for you. Endings are also beginnings (but it’s okay to get sad anyway). I hope you go forth with a couple of lessons. I’ve learned a few things myself recently…

Sometimes a good ride will cost us nothing. Sometimes a willingness to talk to people will get us far. And sometimes we simply need space to be alone.

I guess it just takes a bit of courage to put your thumb out and hope that there might be a few good souls to help you get where you want to go.

May your next chapter be filled with good people and a bit of adventure…

Chocolate

2007-04-08T19:08:00.000-04:00

This is a delicious little article from CBC...

Wondering whether you can indulge in that chocolate bunny staring at you from the box without compromising your healthy diet?

Well, if you're a lover of chocolate, you may be in luck. There is increasing evidence that chocolate can be part of a healthy diet - and that it may even offer some specific health benefits.

However, not all chocolate is created equal. Read on to find out how to incorporate this treat into your diet and get the most of what it has to offer.

mmmm... take me there!

Junk

2007-04-04T08:46:00.000-04:00

All this talk of global warming has created a need for an introspective piano ballad.

We've torn forests apart, stripped the oceans of fish, and created so much junk in landfills.

What are we going to do with all this junk?

Smilin' with Suzuki

2007-03-31T11:26:00.000-04:00

Canadians are finally reaching a state where climate change is no longer some lamented, bleeding-hearted battle cry from scheming leftist hippies. Instead, skeptics are finding it tough to argue against the mountains of scientific consensus that says we are indeed heading up “shit creek” without a paddle (and soon without water because the glacial sources are almost gone).

An Angus Reid poll released last week states that 77 percent of Canadians think climate change is real.

Well… duh.

What is going on in the heads of the other half-witted 23 percent? Oh right, they’re from Alberta (Zing! Sorry Albertans, roasting ya’ll is becoming clichéd. You guys deserve more credit… I know ya’ll are doing yer best to find “environmentally friendly” oil out there!)

Issues of sustainability and the environment are on my mind as I recently attended the youth summit Less Talk, More Action featuring keynote speakers David Suzuki and Al Gore.

The afternoon of speeches was inspiring and disturbing; we were beaten over the head with statistics and research on the reality of climate change. Do we need any more reason to act? Do we really need more convincing?

I left the event feeling content to have heard such amazing lectures, but with a big acid rain cloud of bleakness above my head. It is easy to feel discouraged with the current state of the environment and even more so with inept political policy.

Fortunately I have David Suzuki to bring me joy.

It is hard for me to be nonbiased or objective about David Suzuki…. he’s just so darn lovable (in an appreciative Guru sort of way). My (not so) secret fantasy is for us to grab an old, converted bio-diesel VW Westfalia and hit the highway for a two-week, cross-Canada road trip. We sleep under the northern lights, eat breakfasts at small town diners, and he bestows upon me the wisdom that he has acquired over the years. He teaches me the nature of things; I attempt to make him laugh with impersonations of George Bush and Stephen Harper. We’re modern day eco-warriors.

Al Gore can come too, but the minute he has a few shots of corn whiskey and starts talking about “Cow Tipp(er)ing” during his early days in Tennessee, he’ll be hitching his sorry ass back to America.

Speaking of Al Gore, I was actually surprised by the man. I have not yet seen “An Inconvenient Truth” (is that shameful?) and for some reason, I had really expected him to not have an actual personality; his address to the crowd was a mix of comedy act, science lecture, pep talk, and Baptist sermon. I give him kudos for his passion and knowledge, and for generating a movie that has educated the masses. He has taken election-loss-lemons and made organic lemonade.

So after attending Less Talk, More Action, I had the intention to write a passionate column about climate change and individual responsibility, filled with hard hitting statistics and inspiring prose, but I find that the message of environmental decay is becoming tiresome and laced with fear. Do I really need to motivate you to care about climate change?

No. And thank god, the “inspiring prose” idea was a long shot.

Understandably there is reason to be afraid, Suzuki and Gore attested to that; we need to change and we need to change quickly. Fast change requires that we challenge our communities and ourselves.

But how do we deal with the challenge?

When I am sweating in yoga class, trying to twist myself into some unnatural human pretzel, my instructor often says, “When it becomes really uncomfortable, curl up the sides of your mouth”. At that point I remember to breathe and usually release an awkward expression that is somewhere between a smile and a grimace.

When it comes to ecological and economic issues, we need to challenge in order to change. This means challenging our notions of what is a "healthy society", which currently is heavily defined through financial capital. Healthy societies are those where the citizens are physically, financially, spiritually, and socially content.

It will be a beautiful day when we have reestablished a sense of ecological balance, and it will be even greater if we are able to keep our abilities to smile as we go through the inevitable challenges required.

I know that I’ll be smiling because I’ve got David Suzuki on my side.

* * * *

You can access the David Suzuki Foundation from the link on the side of this page.

Is it getting hot in here?

2007-03-25T12:36:00.000-04:00

A recent Angus Reid poll stated that 77% of Canadians belief that Global Warming is occurring (see article).

Where do you stand on this issue? What advice do you have for Canadians?

The content of this post is your comments.

Finally, a cure...

2007-03-21T22:05:00.000-04:00

People have problems. Let's face it, whether it's the nagging pain in your back or your dreaded mother-in-law or the negative balance in your bank account, there's usually something that needs fixing.

For some people the problem is all in their heads. This is a fascinating video glimpse into an intervention that could provide a cure for millions of people. Never give up hope on a cure.

Re: Please do not excuse/exclude yourself...

2007-03-20T12:47:00.000-04:00

I appreciate when people leave comments and engage with the subject that has been brought to the table (whether you agree with what I have to say, or not).

Kudos for speaking from the heart...

* * *

I think the notion of 'not seeing skin color' comes from a couple of places, one is as you are suggesting-an inherent part of unexplored/unacknowledged racism, the other comes from people wanting to come from a place of respecting and valuing everyone regardless of the color of skin.

However, I personally feel that if people aren't noticing that my skin is a bit darker than theirs perhaps, then they are not really seeing me for who I am and that doesn't feel good or respectful. Racism has become such an ugly word in our society that as people we become afraid to talk about it.

Let's just acknowledge that we live in a world where skin color comes with a multitude of assumptions/biases and lets look at our assumptions and how we enact those and then perpetuate this thing we call 'racism', and then do as you are suggesting-take some responsibility for changing this.

-Cathy Baylis
[Community worker, painter, healer, aboriginal woman, grandmother]

Please do not excuse/exclude yourself...

2007-03-17T20:56:00.000-04:00

“I am not racist.”

I have heard this self-serving proclamation too many times. Each time I question why people feel a need to tell me this. Each time I wonder if people know they are wasting their words with me. Each time I am break into my “actually-you-are-probably-more-racist-than-you-think” rant and attempt to explain why racism is not so black & white (pun definitely intended).

And here I go again.

Despite an increasing cultural sensitivity towards human diversity, racism is a social virus that continues to eat at the spine of our collective human body. Yet I often hear people proclaiming “racist innocence”. There are several reasons why it is pointless to say, “I am not racist”, and why the statement does more damage than good.

Firstly, to say that one is not racist, under the seemingly innocent claim of “I don’t see skin colour”, is a blatant lie (unless of course you are actually blind). When we pretend not to see skin colour, we refuse to acknowledge the realities that individuals experience. To be “colour-blind” denies the lived experiences of people who have actually been marginalized by racist beliefs and policy. We see skin colour. Don’t lie.

Secondly, in our current cultural climate, racist beliefs are increasingly socially unacceptable. Thus to proclaim innocence from any racist beliefs could simply be an individual’s attempt to adhere to social norms. If you tell me you are not racist, I have no idea if you are simply trying to be likeable or if you actually have a deep appreciation for diversity. In trying to create a positive social image for oneself, the statement is as effective as saying, “I don’t kill babies”. My response is, “That’s great, yet it doesn’t actually tell me anything about you.”

Thirdly, despite our movement towards the social unacceptability of racism, it is a prevalent issue in our cultural and political systems. Any claims of non-racism are negated by the fact that we buy into these systems all the time. Whether you are placing an electoral vote, purchasing cheap-labour produced goods, or paying your taxes, you are perpetuating the system – a system that ranks people according to their gender, age, physical abilities and, most definitely, the colour of their skin.

Need more proof? Systemic or “institutional” racism is evident in our primarily “white” parliament, in discriminatory immigration policies, and in the vulnerabilities of aboriginal and other ethnic populations to HIV infection, drug addiction, and suicide rates. We are all part of a system that perpetuates racism, thus we are not individually free of racism.

Finally (and a tangent of my previous point), there is a direct link between consumerism and racism. Why is there a tendency to fill minimum wage jobs with immigrant workers of colour? Why do we out-source so much of our production to overseas nations? Before you drop your next paycheck at your local Wal-Mart, think about how food, clothing, and other goods are produced. Can a person claim to be “un-racist” while supporting businesses that perpetuate poverty through impossibly low wages? Poverty and racism exist inseparably.

The underlying idea that I am hammering home is that we live in a culture with racism engrained into its framework. To say, “I am not racist” is to excuse oneself from acknowledging that systemic racial problems exist. It is not only pointless to proclaim, “I am not racist”, but also damaging. By refusing to recognize one’s individual role and responsibility in adjusting the system, we in turn perpetuate the status quo. We are each a part of the problem, and we can each chose to be part of the solution.

So what can we do? An appreciation for human diversity is communicated through words, but more importantly through actions. Here are some places to start:

• Think about whom you vote and the values of this individual or political party. Will your local representative reflect and honour the diversity of your riding?

• Educate yourself on Canada’s racist history: we have exploited, institutionalized, displaced, and colonized. Don’t deny people of their past; it has huge impact on their realities today (this starts with seeing colour).

• Think about what you buy. Our greatest power is that of a consumer. Who is impacted by my need to have the absolute lowest prices? Move towards responsible and critical consuming.

• Watch what comes out of your mouth (and the mouths of those around you). Are there ways to be humourous without targeting someone’s culture or skin colour?

Instead of wasting words on proclamations of innocence from racism, let’s think about the ways that we can foster inclusion, respect, and appreciation. Change comes slowly, but it starts at the individual level. Your actions will echo.

March 21 is the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination.

I'm different, you're different

2007-03-15T09:48:00.000-04:00

In Montreal, and in other places across Canada, Action Week Against Racism has just begun. Various events can be found at inforacisme.com. I'll be checking out the Human Rights Film Festival.

Film can be a powerful way to send a message.

This is a video submitted for the national March 21 Stop Racism campaign. It's from Archwood School in Winnipeg, Manitoba. You can watch more of the videos and get more information about submitting on the Canadian Heritage Website.

Spirituality 101

2007-03-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

Warriors (are appreciated)

2007-03-10T19:00:00.000-05:00

Interesting, and slightly disturbing, article on cbc.ca this morning which relates to a previous posting on [the little spruce tree]. It is evidence of a current cultural tendency to create shame surrounding female sexuality.

What do you think?

* * * *

Vagina Monologues author to address school board over suspension issue

Eve Ensler, writer of The Vagina Monologues, will speak to the school district in New York state where three girls were suspended for using the word "vagina" while performing a section of the play.

Susan Celia Swan, Ensler's assistant, confirmed Friday the writer will speak on Tuesday at a school theatre in the New York city suburb of Cross River just before a meeting of the board of education.

She will appear with the 16-year-old girls who uttered the word — Hannah Levinson, Megan Reback and Elan Stahl — according to school board member Peter Breslin.

John Jay High School Principal Richard Leprine said the three had agreed not to use the word but included it in an excerpt from the play they recited at a school event last week. Leprine suspended the girls for a day each.

Leprine said they had promised not to use the word because there might be young children in the audience. The three say they never made such an agreement and have had an outpouring of support from fellow students and parents.

Ensler responded to news of the suspensions by calling it "a throwback to the Dark Ages" and hailed the girls as "Vagina Warriors."

District Superintendent Bob Lichtenfeld then postponed the suspensions.

Since news broke earlier in the week about the situation, the teens have become anti-censorship icons.

"We did it because we believe in the word vagina, and because we believe it's not a bad word. It shouldn't be a word that is ever censored, and the way in which we used it was respectable," Reback told the New York Times.

(taken from cbc.ca)

plug for this tree

2007-03-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

In a lovely twist of fate, after having recently plugged some of my favourite things, a mysterious fellow blogger has written a review of [the little spruce tree]... and I didn't even pay for it!

Check it out on Puck's Prattle.

tree/plugs

2007-03-03T08:08:00.000-05:00

The Little Spruce Tree, in many ways, is more an online magazine than an actual blog. As such, I have decided to introduce a regular "Review" section (as you find in most 'zines) where I will share some of the good stuff I have found. If you have suggestions, please feel free to share the good things that you have found.

* * * *

[heard] Ray Lamontagne. Every so often I stumble across an album that provides me with the soundtrack to my life (I know it sounds cliché, but it's true). In the past, albums from Sarah Harmer, Travis, Kathleen Edwards, and Damien Rice have been the backdrop to break-ups, roadtrips and relocations. Right now my soundtrack is Till The Sun Turns Black by Ray Lamontagne.

The album gently traverses the lines between folk, rock, and soul under the gentle guidance of Ray's delicate, haunting vocals. The first track, Be Here Now, has become my simple request to remain present in the moments of sitting on a bus, walking down the sidewalk, or cooking in the kitchen. In Can I Stay, Ray sings his vulnerable request to spend the night with his lover..."between your blissfull kisses whisper 'Darling, is this love?'" (sigh) The album ends with Ray strumming his guitar, singing "war is not the answer, the answer is within you". The song, Within You is an unpretentious call for self-exploration, and ultimately the answers are found through one thing...

Ray also does a phenomenal accoustic cover of last summer's crazy big hit "CRAZY" by Gnarles Barkely. It is not on the album, but can be found on youtube

[read] Bloodletting & Miraculous Cures (Vincent Lam). This book has received so much hype since it won the Giller Prize award in November, so I almost hestitate in putting it on the list. But it is a fantastic read, so I don't mind giving it a bit more attention.

"Bloodletting" grants us a glimpse into the intersecting lives of medical students as they deal with exams and relationships and missing body parts. Although generally taking place in clinical settings, the immerging themes stretch far beyond the woes of med-school or the "ER" to universal issues of love, loss, and the currency of the medical field... life.

[seen] Sex and the City (Season One). Nearly 10 years ago four sexy, single women stormed onto our television screens with unapologetic rants about relationships, dating, sex, and love. A collective orgasmic sigh was released across the land. I recently watched the first season again over popcorn and red wine, with many laughs and a couple of tears.

Apart from the cheesy "Carrie talks to the camera" scenes, S&TC: Season One has aged gracefully over the years. I don't know if witnessing people deal with relationships will ever grow old. There is something very comforting in seeing other people become compulsively obsessed with analysing their relationships... it sort of makes me feel, well, less alone.

[experienced] Hot Yoga. I have discovered a holistic workout that actually works for me... cardio, flexibility, and muscle strengthening. There's a great studio down the street where I have been going for the past 6 weeks to stretch myself into different positions and sweat like an Irish man in the outback.

I am trying to resist any references to being labeled a trendy "yuppie", thus shopping sprees at Lululemon will NOT happen. But what can I say? Often things become popular for very good reasons.

GroupThink(ing)

2007-02-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

You might not even realize it, but you spend a lot of time working in teams, groups, and organizations. These are all “systems” of people that manage various tasks under common goals and purposes. In fact, you are probably in more groups then you even realize: work, family, sport, hobby, support, study, religious… the list of group types could go on and on. Social systems are a crucial and intricate part of daily life, but perhaps under-acknowledged.

Each class that you enter is a group. You and your colleagues have registered for a course, each course has a specific goal (example: to learn about basket-weaving). From there, you might even be separated into subgroups or “task groups” to tackle various projects. We all go through it and we all have group horror stories about members who sabotaged projects with power-hungry tendencies, or worse, with apathy. Often we are left dreading the next group project.

Most employment scenarios involve groups. Whether you’re the “Fry-Guy” at McGreasy’s or the head surgeon in the Emergency Room, whether you are a cog in a multi-national corporation or the leader of a grassroots community organization, chances are most of us end up in work teams, boards, or committees. We are evaluated upon our abilities to be a “team-player”, and success is rewarded to those who embody the group norms and values. Yet often we don’t share the values of our places of employment, and end up counting the days until we can give our two-weeks notice.

Furthermore, our families are groups. Whether you like your relatives or not, they are a group of people working together with a common purpose. What is this purpose? At the core it would be survival (food, shelter, water), but other key pursuits are often present, such as affection, kinship, and, on a rare occasion, intellectual and emotional growth. Yet even if we’ve had our basic needs provided, family gatherings can be disasters waiting to happen.

Sometimes the toughest aspect of groups is the lack of choice. We are often assigned to teams; frequently, group placement is random or simply by registration, leading to groups where members have conflicting goals, interests, or values. Additionally, it becomes frustrating when we are in situations where we are not heard or given space to share thoughts or emotions. It is easy to feel silenced in groups.

Unless we chose a life of solitude, which sometimes has its appeal, it is inevitable that we will be living and working in teams. Yet “group-hate” seems to be extremely real in North American culture. What makes us so distrusting to groups? Why do we find groups to be frustrating or irksome? Are groups simply a “necessary evil”?

Yes, groups are necessary. No, they don’t have to be traumatic or painful.

One solution to “group-hate” is knowledge of self. When in a group, it is important to know what your goals, expectations, and needs are within the group – are these congruent with your group members? Conflict often originates when people have incompatible desires with the interconnected members of the group. Ability to communicate becomes crucial.

Another factor in dealing with “group-hate” lies in educating oneself about the group process. Increasing evidence supports the notion that those who receiving training and learn theories about group development are less likely to experience dreaded “group-hate” syndromes (after taking courses in group-development, I can attest to this). Acquired knowledge means being able to diagnose problems, to intervene when necessary, and ultimately the power to influence what is occurring. Informing oneself is empowering oneself.

So as we hit mid-semester, and projects are in full swing, I hope that you are surviving your group experiences. They can be challenging, but they don’t have to leave scars.

At the risk of doling out unsolicited advice, I will leave you with a quote from psychiatrist and holocaust survivor Victor Frankl – “The last human freedom is to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances”. We may not have chosen the circumstances for our school, family, and work groups, but we can choose our behaviours and attitudes.

Chose wisely.

It's beautiful in the metro

2007-02-23T10:14:00.000-05:00

If you are one of the many people that rides public transit, then you might appreciate this post by a fellow blogger...

I don't know about you, but this is a typical metro ride for me.

check out the video...

[props to puck's prattle]

* * * *

As you've noticed, I've been experimenting with some changes here at [the little spruce tree]... let me know what you think!

Let's talk about sex

2007-02-19T20:40:00.000-05:00

So the "Sexuality Issue" was released last week with The Link. I had two articles published that were fun to tackle and educational! I love to learn about sex and the infinite ways that people experience their sexualities.

I've provided links below to read if you would like... comments are always encouraged!

I hope you find them... errr... satisfying.

Fat is not a 4-letter word

We often link our sexualities with our physiques. Different body forms appeal to different people, and there are more options out there than ice cream flavours at Baskin & Robin’s. Our society seems to value some flavours over others: why is that?

Close friends, your trusty author and 2110’s peer counseling program coordinator, Mylène St Pierre, sit down to chat about what it means to be fat and sexy, why we’re obsessed about our sizes and the challenges that fat people face when it comes to sexuality...

...keep reading

* * * *

BIG (heart) MUSCLE

It is a world that many of us are very unfamiliar with; the rules are different, the roles are changed. It’s a game of power where discomfort is often the goal and sensation the reward. Many people become uncomfortable when talking about BDSM (bondage/discipline/sadism/masochism), and the types of activities that occur, but what exactly is it?

...keep reading

* * * *

There is a light (and sometimes there is money)

2007-02-16T08:49:00.000-05:00

This is a gem of a video created by an acquaintance in montreal. If you like it, you can check out other works at the "artist's profile" on Youtube.

* * * *

On a different note, if you have money burning in your pocket and are thinking about investing, then check out this CBC article about "Ethical Investing".

* * * *

And on a final note... "The Little Spruce Tree" has survived its first year as a rambling, under-successful blog. Thank you to those who do read loyally --- I do it for you :)

Stay tuned for the 10-year anniversary "Black Tie" event...

V-Day

2007-02-07T08:51:00.000-05:00

This entry is dedicated to two new little unborn souls. May they grow gracefully in a world that values human beings equally.

* * * *

I recently watched the CBC series “The Greatest Canadian”. You may recall how these short documentaries on some of Canada’s Most Fabulous gripped the nerds of the nation back in the autumn of 2004. From Trudeau to Suzuki, Fredrick Banting to Terry Fox, I was humbled and inspired (and even got a little teary-eyed) by some of the “greatness” that has come from Canada.

But something was missing for me.

In the series, we had a minor amount of diversity in terms of religion, ethnicity and physical ability. We saw leadership from political, athletic, environmental and medical perspectives. But missing from the Top 10 Greatest Canadians were women.

Despite Canadian’s inability to recognize fabulous females, Canada has a history of innovative female leadership. If you have any doubts, I’ll name a few examples:

Geneticist Carrie Derick (1862-1941) fought against discrimination throughout her career, to become the first female professor in Canada, right here in Montreal.

Artist Emily Carr (1871-1945) made a monumental contribution to Canadian art through her paintings and literary works, while her appreciation for nature was unfashionable in a time of increasing industrialization. She was a woman ahead of her time.

Indigenous leader Mary John (1913-2004) of northern B.C. was a social activist and role model of integrity, strength and gentleness. She survived residential schooling to create aboriginal community programs, which aided in the preservation of Carrier language and culture.

The list could go on: Sandra Schmirler, Margaret Atwood, Andrienne Clarkson and Laura Secord have all made monumental contributions to our nation. Yet, as Canadians, we failed to recognize this when we placed our votes two years ago. Instead we voted Don Cherry into the Top 10, and consequently administered a metaphorical slap across the face to every female in this nation.

Many people will rationalize this by saying the lack of female representation was simply a reflection of the past, and these days we don’t have the same imbalances.

But really, how far have we evolved?

Gender inequity is evident in our current cultural and political systems. Music videos, the sonnets of our time, continue to objectify and exploit women. The recent wave of shows like Deal or No Deal and Show Me the Money (now thankfully extinct) are proof of equality de-evolution with women used as “sexy backdrops.” In advertising, soaps, sprays and other “feminine hygiene” products are continually marketed under the notion that a vagina is dirty and smelly. In Canadian political leadership, we still don’t have a balance of gender in Parliament or Senate.

Furthermore, the marginalized realities of transgendered individuals are symptoms of a gender dichotomy that is inflexible, a product of a patriarchic system that still exists. For some reason it continues to be an insult to refer to a male as feminine, thus implying that it is somehow substandard to be female. We still need to work to swing the pendulum back to the center.

Many may wonder how, as a male, I have an interest or even a right to vocalize my thoughts on these matters. To this, I reply with a quote from second-wave feminist Betty Friedan: “Man is not the enemy here, but the fellow victim."

As such, I am robbed by the lack of female representation in government, and wonder how international conflict and climate change would be different if women had equal access to leadership. I am sorrowed by nonsensical vulnerabilities to HIV, sexual abuse, and poverty that females experience disproportionately. And finally, I care because I am a brother, son and friend. When my loved ones are marginalized by a system that limits opportunity and development, I hurt with them.

Gender inequity leaves us all at a disadvantage.

So this V-day (February 14th), many of us will buy chocolates and flowers and pink heart-shaped Hallmark cards for our sweethearts. But what about thinking outside prescribed Valentine notions? What about taking the “flower-fund” and giving it to a local women’s shelter or gender advocacy center? Or getting tickets to a local production of Eve Ensler’s famous play “The Vagina Monologues”? Celebrate by recognizing that V-day goes beyond vaginas, and honour the contributions and leadership that women have given.

Canada, let’s learn from our failure to see greatness in its many forms. In the end, “The Greatest Canadians” will be those who fight for the rights, equalities and dignities of all.

V-day is a global movement to stop violence against girls and women. For more information visit: vday.org.

What will you do?

2007-02-06T10:11:00.000-05:00

V-Day is coming...

Observation

2007-02-02T09:51:00.000-05:00

Akin to the notion of "Perspective" is that of "Observation". To be able to widen our perspectives, we need to have the ability to observe our surroundings and to absorb the nuances.

I had a recent assignment to go into a foreign social space and to observe the complexities of social interaction. I was to become a human sponge.

Below is the narrative account of my experience. My chosen environment: A Catholic Church. In normal type is my concrete observation, in italics are my personal thoughts... thus an attempt to differentiate self from situation, recognizing that my perspective is a personal experience.

I enter the church late. The service began at 9:30 am, and I imagine that it is around 9:37 now. The people seem undisturbed by my tardiness, and I notice that other people trickle in after I do. I take my seat in the back; I am on the left side looking down linear pews toward the front. I am thirty or forty rows back, with only five pews behind me. I feel secure at the back, close to the door.

The church is massive, and the number of people here are not enough to fill ten percent of the available seating. The people seem randomly sprinkled towards the front, getting fewer and fewer towards the back. Many sit with their coats still on. Perhaps for a quick getaway?

Those who come alone sit in the back with me. Is there an implicit rule that the lonesome must sit at the back? Perhaps we are not lonely, but at this moment, just alone. Are they missing spouses? Lovers? Parents? Children? Those who sit in front seem to be in groups of two or three; I see grey hair and bald spots.

I take a breath and relax. My nose is filled with old wood and varnish and dust. My feet are cold from the walk. I wonder…is it the temperature in the church that keeps them chilled? The pew is firm beneath me, and stretches high to my shoulders.

At the front a young woman sings a melody in a minor key. The tension builds and then is resolved in a familiar melodic progression. It is melancholy, yet calming. Her arms sway up and down, conducting the crowd to sing with her. Yet I can’t hear anyone else sing, and I question whether the people in front are joining.

The man who is leading the service is dressed in a long green robe and glasses that hide his eyes. He begins to address the congregation en francais. Bordering on being animated, his arms raise while he speaks, as if to punctuate his phrases. I wonder what his life has been like… how and why does one become a religious leader? The congregation responds to his words when necessary; knowing when to talk, stand, or kneel, and when raise their hands to their foreheads, down to their bellies, and then from side to side.

I attempt to copy their actions but wonder if I stick out as much as I think I do.

The priest continues speaking. Do his hands ever tire of talking? The congregation sits like lawn ornaments staring at a snappy sprinkler shooting water over dry grass. I sense a tiredness in the air, yet the priest barely pauses for a breath.

But then the priest does pause; the people cross their chests, and the organ breaks the silence with a loud sorrowful song. Perhaps this is my interpretation of sorrow. I turn and see the enormous organ, high behind me. I feel small beside it’s grandeur.

Again the people kneel to pray, a child cries, the priest sings, the harmonic tension builds from the organ, and the moment is climaxed by the sudden ringing of church bells that seem to express a spiritual orgasm. Silence again.

A man and a women walk up the aisles collecting money in a round brass container, it looks like an upside down hat. I say a small prayer that I will be invisible. I have not brought money, and feel guilty for stealing observations, but giving nothing.

Now people begin to greet each other with handshakes and smiles. My heart rate increases, as I perceive a threat to my anonymity. I keep my eyes to the paper, missing the opportunity to observe the congregation, but managing to escape interaction. I feel guilt again… Am I exploiting their religious practice? Would it have hurt to say “hi”?

After the greetings, the congregation begins to move. They leave their pews and move towards the center aisle, like small creeks flowing together to form a river and moving towards the ocean. They approach the front, accept a small disk, dip it in a glass, and place it in their mouths. They cross their chests and return to a kneeling position in their pews while the young woman begins to sing again. Her voice is gentle; the word “amour” resonates amoungst the others that are sung.

The priest speaks again; this time it feels like a conclusion, which brings a sense of closure to a spiritual experience. Or was it a religious experience? What is the difference? The organ cries loudly now, releasing the people into the world. I write in frenzy, trying to absorb everything. The doors open. It is cold. The priest starts talking to individuals in the congregation. He moves closer to me. I pack up quickly and slip out, hoping that I am unnoticed.

Perspective

2007-01-29T12:20:00.000-05:00

From dreams to reality...

2007-01-25T14:33:00.000-05:00

Speaking of dreams, I awoke the other day from lovely dreams to this email from my mother.

Hi Love,
I gave blood today and while I was waiting I read a magazine article (I had my glasses with me!!) about hair loss. It suggested seeing a doctor about your thyroid. Because thyroid problems are in the family - grandma and me - it sure wouldn't hurt to have it checked out. There's medication you can take to help with hair loss...
Love you....
MOM xoxoxox

It's great to know that someone is thinking about me (and my receding hairline).

Rampaging Elephants and Epiphanies

2007-01-20T21:07:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking more about my dreams lately. The kind I have when I sleep; not to be mistaken with my other dreams (also known as aspirations), like to run off with the circus and finally experience life as a carny. No, I have been thinking about all the crazy movies that play in my head while I am deep in REM sleep.

What if it all means something?

Despite often feeling sleep deprived, most of us will spend about one-third of our lives curled up in our beds. I have begun to ask myself some serious dream-related questions. Why do I often dream of grinding my teeth, and then spiting them out into the sink? Should I be concerned about my dead baby dreams? What was the significance of that rampaging elephant with its head of fire? If this is my subconscious speaking to me, then perhaps I need more help then I thought.

The process of attributing meaning to dreams has been around for thousands of years. In the ancient cultures of Egypt and Greece, for example, dreams were considered prophetic and those with special powers unraveled the messages. Anthropologists will attest to most cultures having some sort of explanation to why we dream.

In current western cultures, dream analysis was made famous by Dr. Sigmund Freud. Everyone’s favourite psychoanalytical zealot took dream analysis to a whole new level with his book “The Interpretation of Dreams”. Freud believed that dreams were the royal road to the unconscious. Ladders, trains, tulips, and even fluffy kittens become symbols of frustrated desires, essentially indicating how badly you need to get laid. Anecdotally, I wonder what old Sigs would have to say about rampaging, flaming elephants.

Since September, I have been taking a six-credit course on Counseling Skills and Theories, which has given me insight into the process of the counseling relationship. The fieldwork for this course is to get counseling; it has been much appreciated as I enjoy the process of self-exploration. In fact, in September, my boyfriend said that I was self-centered. I became slightly confused, I turned and questioned, “You say that like it’s a bad thing?” (And incidentally we are not together anymore). The point is that I am a fan of self-analysis.

But I digress.

Last week in my counseling class, we had dream analyst Layne Dalfen facilitate a workshop on dream analysis. After having studied Freudian, Adlerian, and Gestalt theory, Dalfen has become a bit of a McDreamy celebrity with analytical appearances on various morning TV shows with FOX, NBC, and Global to name a few. She runs a dream interpretation center in Montreal and has penned her own book entitled Dreams Do Come True: Decoding Your Dreams to Discover Your Full Potential. I thought for sure that Dalfen could provide me with all the answers I desired.

But as I sat through the lecture, the light bulbs that I had hoped would go off in my head, sat dormant. “Tell me what it all means!” I wanted to yell, “Spoon feed me my epiphany!” I began to realize that ultimately the only person with the answers would be me. If I wanted to find meaning in my dreams, it would be up to me to place it there. That elephant could mean whatever I wanted it to… I put it there and god dammit I will do with it what I choose!

I think that, in analyzing dreams, there are no wrong answers; it is an individualized process. So I won’t fear becoming a bit self-centered, to think about those messed up dreams and find a bit of meaning within the carnival of REM sleep.

And in reference to Dalfen’s book title, maybe dreams do come true, but thankfully, not all of them. As much as I do enjoy a good rampage, I prefer to keep the flaming elephants in my dreams.

* * *

If you are looking for some dream diagnosis, you can check out Layne Dalfen’s website at: www.dreamsdocometrue.ca. She is available for private consultation.

Sigmund Freud, analyze this...

2007-01-19T10:05:00.000-05:00

Dreams, Dreams, Dreams...

Everybody is having them, but why? Are we processing events? Receiving messages from a greater power? Or is our brain just trying to humour us?

However you slice it, dreams are usually pretty interesting. I have been trying to remember mine in order to see what is going on up there... here are the results of some highly scientific research done by the folks at "The Little Spruce Tree".

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a very well adjusted and happy little spruce tree.

Overall, you are very content in your life.

You tend to be a very productive thinker.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

You have a very vivid imagination, a rich creative mind, and strong root development.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

Urgent Resolutions!

2007-01-07T19:23:00.000-05:00

Hello 2007!

But wait… what happened to 1999? If you are anything like me, you are a bit stunned at the rate that we seem to be warping through this decade. It felt like just yesterday that I was hiding in my basement with a year’s supply of bottled water, a wheelbarrow full of tinned beans, and a loaded shotgun, waiting for the world to implode with the turn of the century.

Yet here we are seven years wiser. We now have pocket size polar ice caps, disturbing music coming from Paris (and I’m not talking France), and a measly $379 billion (US) spent on freeing the world of “terrorism”. Thank God for the evolution of time!

As with reflection, January also brings the inevitable question of resolutions. These are the promises we make to ourselves that we will change a habit, somehow improve our behaviour, or implement some sort of lifestyle makeover. We aspire to lose our spare tires, stop chain-smoking, and stick to stringent budgets. We love to make’em and love to break’em.

Not to pooh in your cheerios here, but most people fail miserably at maintaining their New Year’s resolutions. Usually, it’s not because they don’t give their change a valiant effort, but because their environment simply does not support this desired change. It is hard to quit smoking if all your friends are smokers. It is hard to eat healthy when you are living in the nation of Fastfoodistan.

There is no denying it – change is tough.

Many years ago, when I was 8 years old, I resolved to become a child prodigy. When that failed, I resolved to never make another resolution again. Yet not one to recoil when the odds are stacked against him, this year I have decided to break the no-resolution policy and prove that I am capable of changing myself. I am going to look adversity in the eye and say, “I will quit heroin this year!”

But seriously, my resolution is to be a bit more “pro-social”. I often find myself locked up in my own private tower, watching the world go by, but perhaps not fully participating in it. I want to drink more martinis, to explore my flirtatious side, and to open doors for the simple sake of seeing what is on the other side. 2007 will be the year of saying to myself, “Yes!”

Because change requires support, I did a quick Internet search to see what sort of help I could get. What I found was www.goalsguy.com - the brainchild of a Mr. G. R. Blair. I was thoroughly amused by the copious amounts of self-help products that were being marketed to me. With winning titles such as “Create Your Own Big-Bang!” and “Goal Setting for Knuckleheads”, it began to seem like failure was no longer an option; not only could I succeed in my resolution, but I could conquer the world! I couldn’t help but feel a little Gandhi stirring in my gut (or perhaps that was the lentil curry I had for lunch).

According to the omnipotence of Mr. Blair, your ability “to create a sense of urgency will have a far-reaching impact throughout all areas of your life.”

(Insert screeching wheel sound)

So essentially I have to panic to get anything done? This can’t be true. If I am trying to be more “social”, won’t a sense of urgency make me appear desperate? I don’t want to be “that guy”, you know the one who is obviously so indeed of social exchange that he ends up with a twitch and is found dry-humping barstools. Should urgency be my new game plan?

But then again, there is truth to the value of urgency. If we had a dollar for every time we rushed to meet a deadline, the budget to fight “terrorism” would look like the weekly allowance of a toddler. Maybe I need to step it up.

Perhaps a bit of tension would help me, but ultimately I think I am going to play it cool for now and save the urgency strategy for when I am a single, bald alcoholic, and toying with the idea of a mid-life crisis.

But for everyone else, feel free to get “urgent”. If you are one of the many who has resolved to “self improve” this New Year, I’m wishing you all the strength in the world. I hope you are able to create so much urgency that you freak the hell out. Then when you are picking up the pieces of your shattered life, you will glue it back together in a lovelier and shinier version.

Happy 2007!

Season's Greetings!

2006-12-12T23:29:00.000-05:00

Hello faithful readers of the "Little Spruce Tree",

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday and prosperous new year... so I made a little holiday card via the wonders of technology.

I am going to be taking a bit of a break, and thus the Little Spruce Tree shall remain dormant for a couple of weeks. I'll be back in the new year with more introspective and humourous ramblings... so stay tuned!

Thanks for making the Little Spruce Tree the most popular blog done by a coniferous, replanted tree.

All the best.

db

The Little Spruce Tree presents...

2006-12-05T09:38:00.000-05:00

Deck the halls with consumerism,
‘Tis the season to be excessively wasteful!

And so the song could continue. But I am not here to shit on Christmas (or Hanukkah for that matter) – I actually enjoy the holidays (for the most part). I get to visit my family, see the sparkling lights, and contentedly sip on dark rum and soy-nog while belting out an off-key version of “I Saw Grandpa Kissing Santa Clause”. Oh, the memories.

However, I think it’s time for our holiday celebrations to evolve a bit. So The Little Spruce Tree is going to give you some hip ideas for gifts and traditions that are both environmentally friendly and low cost.

First up, for Christ’s sake (literally), let’s not run out there and chop down another “little spruce tree” to use for a couple of weeks and throw to the curb. How efficient is the use of land to cultivate trees that are used for a month? Instead, what about going to a second hand shop and finding a previously loved artificial tree? And for those who are addicted to the smell of spruce, perhaps you could go to a gardening center and by a potted spruce tree. Keep it around until the spring then ask local officials if you can plant it in a school or park.

Next, let’s think outside the box for gift-giving. Does your mother really need the latest “Il Divo” CD? Would your lover really use another butt-plug? Could your muscle-head brother live without an additional pair of blue-steel spandex shorts? If you’re like me, then some of the greatest gifts that you have given and received weren’t even “things”.

Gifts from the heart are always remembered. Homemade cards are more personal. A batch of cookies or a certificate for a 30-minute massage (that you administer yourself) cost next to nothing. Concert or theatre tickets take up less space in a landfill then the “George Foreman Grill”. A three-month pass to a yoga studio is a gift of health and fitness (but be forewarned: high risk of the “Are you saying I’m fat?” response).

But seriously, what if we were to give “experiences” as opposed to “objects”?

There is more you can do to have yourself a “Merry Little (alternative) Christmas”. Why not bundle your gifts in colourful old newsprint instead of buying glossy wrapping paper? Nothing says “I Love You” like some organic date squares wrapped in the “opinions” section of The Link. How about supporting your local farmers and buying a free-range, hormone-free turkey? And if you are hooked on the idea of a physical gift, there are affordable, sweatshop-free clothes available at "Blank" (www.wearblank.com) on St.Laurent Blvd and lovely smelling, enviro-friendly beauty products at various health food stores across the city. Alternative holiday gifts are the best thing since Rudolph switched to an energy efficient red nose.

But what do you give that person who has everything?

Well how about helping this individual become carbon-neutral. That’s right, there are organizations out there that are trying to off-set our environmental slothfulness through international sustainability projects. A “Clean Air Pass” is one option to neutralize the negative effects of your auto or home. The money goes towards an emission trading system to meet Kyoto protocol, and you get a sticker for your car saying that you are carbon-neutral. Remember, however, this is not a permit to pollute! (www.cleanairpass.com)

Or you could simply express your affection for loved ones by giving in their honour. There are countless community organizations that would be thrilled to receive a holiday donation. Think globally, act locally.

Finally, if you’re like myself and will be jet-setting for the holidays, why not think about neutralizing your emissions? I paid $15.44 to Offsetters (www.offsetters.ca) to be carbon-neutral for my trip to the popular holiday destination of Prince George, BC.

So whether you are homaging Hanukah, cajoling Christ, or celebrating Santa, I hope the holidays bring you time with those that you care for, as well as a bit of rest and recuperation. But before you get all buck-wild with the credit card, remember that there are some options out there to make your holidays low-cost and environmentally friendly.

May your holidays be white (and green)!

World AIDS Day

2006-11-30T21:28:00.000-05:00

December 1st is World AIDS Day. So take a moment to tie on a red ribbon and remember the impact that HIV/AIDS is having on your community and your globe.

I thought it would be appropriate to share the video that brought many of us to tears at the Toronto International AIDS Conference this summer. Feel free to read back on some of the reports that I sent out from the conference (August 2006 archives).

Of mice and men...

2006-11-26T13:43:00.000-05:00

I don’t eat meat for many reasons; one of them being that I do not enjoy the thought of any animal being subjected to cruel conditions. Yet, I recently psychologically damaged, then mutilated, suffocated, and froze two defenseless creatures until they slowly died from their inflicted torture.

And I swear to god, it was all unintentional.

In late October my apartment was abandoned for two days. Outside the weather was turning chilly, making the living room an attractive living space for a rodent. In this case, it was two field mice looking for a warmer place to past the winter.

When the first mouse scurry across my foot, there was a very specific sensation - it was a raw feeling of being invaded. My primal instincts exploded in a need to guard my territory from vermin invaders. This was after I stopped screaming like a drag queen on a roller coaster, and got down from the chair I had jumped on.

I immediately began to rationalize with myself, “It’s just a little mouse. The poor guy is probably scared shitless”. A day later, I found out he was not scared shitless as I discovered little brown nuggets of “hey jerkwad, I’m eating your food and checking my email while you’re trudging to class” dribbled around my bowl of almonds and peppering my dish-drying rack.

That’s right, Mr. & Mrs. Mouse were munching on my nuts and pooing in my apartment.

And so the war began. At first I had idealized notions of an ethical “catch n’ release” intervention, where the little cheeky bastards could be displaced to a new, happy home deep within Parc Mont-Royal. But sightings began to occur at an alarming frequency; time became of the essence. I became motivated by rodent rage.

I obtained some spring-loaded snap traps, and with utmost delicacy (to avoid losing a finger), I laced them with peanut butter and loaded the hinges. I waited with “baited” breath. A day later, the peanut butter was skillfully snacked without activating the trap.

I shook my fist in the air, “Foiled!”

Upon consultation with my landlord, I was recommended a second type of trap. This time it was a little sticky mat, where the mouse would walk and get stuck in a small pit of goop. “Perfect,” I thought, now I can catch them, gently coax them off the mat, and take them to the mountain where they can spend their lives eating fresh maple leaves, watching hazy sunsets, and laughing at the medieval Sunday swordsmen.

I put the traps out and within ten minutes I had caught two mice.

And this is where it got ugly. I discovered quickly that these great little “sticky mats” were actually vats of extra strength crazy-glue, and coaxing them off turned into a feat of limb-dislocating persecution. The instructions on the box told me to apply a bit of vegetable oil to aid in the processes. I did. It didn’t help. The emotional agony of prying the mice off the cement mats, which I experienced, was minimal compared to the squeaks of suffering expressed by my fellow creatures. A wave of nausea came over me.

After separating the mice from the mats, I placed them in a bucket with a plate on top (to prevent escapes), and put them on my porch; they were jumping around, trying to escape. I saw this as a good sign. I gave myself an hour to recover emotionally and attempt to convince myself that I wasn’t a monster.

But when I returned, I found was two cold, oil-covered, rodent corpses – I had killed them.

Perhaps I should have thought about the cold autumn temperatures, or that the plate was blocking any fresh air into the bucket. Perhaps I could have researched more ethical ways to catch mice. Perhaps I could have borrowed my neighbor’s cat. But, unfortunately, these little gems of wisdom never crossed my mind.

Now, I am not especially proud of my actions. My ideal was simply to catch the mice and release them in a more “mouse-friendly” space, yet what ensued was a mouse holocaust. I guess sometimes the purest of intentions can lead us to unintentional results. But, as the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Unfortunately in this case it was paved with intense crazy-glue.

Trust me, there are better options out there...

November 24th - Thou Shall Not Buy

2006-11-22T17:40:00.000-05:00

"Buy Nothing Day is an informal day of protest against consumerism observed by social activists. It was founded by Vancouver artist Ted Dave and subsequently promoted by the Canadian Adbusters magazine. Participants refrain from purchasing anything for 24 hours in a concentrated display of consumer power. The event is intended to raise awareness of what some see as the wasteful consumption habits of First World countries. Activists may also participate in culture jamming activities like the Whirl-Mart and other forms of radical expression. It is also used to protest materialism and bandwagon appeals."

-Wikipedia

Click Here to find out more!

The Little Spruce Tree (a column)

2006-11-19T10:27:00.000-05:00

Yee-haw! It's official. I am the newest columnist for "The Link", which is the student paper at Concordia University. It is read by at least 13 people worldwide. Next stop, "The Globe and Mail"... eat my dust Leah McLaren!

So here's my first column. It is simply an introduction to how The Little Spruce Tree started to grow. Hope you like it!

* * * *

By Dan Baylis

Welcome to the first entry of The Little Spruce Tree.

Actually, that’s a lie. Ten words into my first column and I’m already lying… shit. The truth is that The Little Spruce Tree originated almost a year ago on a chilly winter’s morning. I had a huge assignment due and I desperately needed something to help me procrastinate...

keep reading...

A day to remember

2006-11-11T14:56:00.000-05:00

This week saw some specific events in regards to one of the world's largest conflicts. In a matter of 4 days, one the most famous dictators was sentenced to death, the most powerful nation in the world witnessed its own power shift, and the man who planned the American attack on Iraq was sacked. Some may say that the tide has shifted. Has it?

On the home front, Canada continues to send soldiers to Afghanistan. We hear on a weekly basis of soldiers "fallen" in the line of duty, yet how does this affect us? Personally, I find that my reaction is becoming more and more blasé... and that is somewhat disheartening.

What is your experience? Are you angry, supportive, or apathetic? Are we helping or hindering in Afghanistan?

Please Comment.

Let us pray...

2006-11-05T09:58:00.000-05:00

Today is Sunday, also known as "God's Day"... so in honour of a poor evangelical Priest being exposed for drug-fueled sexual exploits with a male sex worker (oh the beautiful irony), I have summoned the help of my good friend J-Chris. It's a sad day when a man of God can't get some crystal meth and a blow job without losing his job.

But fret not dear Mr. Haggard, you will survive...

Hibernation (two)

2006-10-29T19:16:00.000-05:00

There is a time for everything to sleep. The trees will shed their leaves, and the sap, which runs through the branches, will be still. The bears will fill their bellies, and then find burrows to sleep the winter through. The ground will freeze, the insects will hide, and the sun will cast long, dreary shadows across snow covered parks. We live in a country with four specific seasons, and the season of sleeping is on its way.

Yet how many of us actually take the winter to hibernate? Are the days of reaping the harvest, and then sitting back for a winter of reading, wood whittling, and knitting all but through? Is it even realistic to think that winters are for resting anymore? Sadly, I think we are losing our slumber season.

What has replaced the once unifying Canadian winter-imposed pause is a year that has less notable differentiation. These days, our Canadian identity is less weather based; perhaps we relate more to each other through our deadlines and commitments. We have got jobs to go to, books to study, children to raise, holiday presents to find, and bodies to keep fit. For many of us, slowing down in the winter is as likely as finding wildflowers in February.

Our increasing culture of “doing” instead of “being” leaves me slightly concerned about the lack of time for resting, reflection, and rejuvenation. Without long periods of quietude or isolation imposed upon us, how many of us will actually go out of our way to create this space? And what is the value of having it? The time to be still, ideally, leads to the opportunity for introspection, and the value of introspection should not be overlooked.

Introspection is a commodity that seems to be in scarce supply these days. If, as a species, we valued the process of contemplation (examining one’s own thoughts, emotions, and actions), I wonder how our current state would be different? Would we be healthier? Would we approach conflict differently? How would we treat our natural surroundings? I hypothesize that a global increase in individual introspection would lead to a decrease in public health pandemics, international conflicts, and earth-threatening environmental issues.

Indeed, it is a big leap from hibernation to world peace. I do realize this. Yet when I take it down a notch, the essence of the logic rings an opus of truth: introspection inevitably leads to improvement. It is incredibly intrinsic. It is incredibly simple.

And even if a period of rest does not lead to existential examination, there are the benefits of recharging energy levels, of having quiet time with loved ones, and of watching snowflakes fall on windowsills. A wise society values introspection and stillness.

So as winter approaches, we will wrap ourselves in thick layers of scarves, toques, and mittens to fight the cold. Jack Frost will tell us to stay inside to rest, and chances are we probably will not listen. But before we battle the blizzards and penetrating cold, perhaps you could take a minute to ask yourself, “How will I create stillness for myself this winter?”

…And alas, you will have already become more introspective.

Hibernation (one)

2006-10-25T17:20:00.000-04:00

Real Beauty

2006-10-20T17:20:00.000-04:00

This is a short video done by a major beauty corporation. I am not really interested in promoting "DOVE", but I do think the advertising campaign that they have created straddles the line between marketing and social change.
Fascinating.

What is real beauty to you?

Please comment.

A Short history on fire

2006-10-15T15:42:00.000-04:00

So there is always news about the craziest developments in technology: we’ve got cell phones with cameras, cameras with computers, and iPods the size of garlic cloves. IPods are actually getting so small that a friend of mine mistakenly ate his iPod as he was shoveling his mouth full of beef stroganoff in the Loyola cafeteria. I kid you not, he was burping Justin Timberlake for days. He brought sexy back… repeatedly.

But seriously, we are a culture that is obsessed with technology. In fact, as I sit here writing this article on my laptop, I am currently chatting on MSN Messenger, talking to my mother on the phone, watching kangaroos breed on the discovery channel, and baking blueberry oatbran muffins in my new laser toaster oven. Thankfully, technology lets me be in seven places at once so that my life can be simpler.

Really, what is hotter than technology these days?

Answer: Fire.

No, literally… fire is pretty hot. And with all this talk of electronic devises and “fuel efficient” cars, I think that we are to quick to forget the importance of this combustion phenomenon. Ever tried to roast a marshmallow without a fire? Hmm… didn’t think so. Ever tried to burn down the Whitehouse without a torch? Bet it was tough. Fire could be the most important discovery to man since oxygen.

Interestingly, a woman named A.Furchin invented the orange stuff by chance back in the year 73 865 BC when she was attempting to destroy her husband’s erotic stone tablets. A spark flew from a piece of flint and burnt down her cave. Furchin went on to be credited for the first loaf of bread and kiln roasted pottery, as well as the catalyst for a movement towards more discreet pornography.

And you thought fire came from dragons! (Ah, the naivety warms my heart.)

As humans began to incorporate fire into their lives, it was primarily used to heat the inside of small dwellings, to flame-broil wooly mammoth steaks, and to send smoke signals to distant clans. Throughout the years the purpose of fire diversified, such as conveniently incinerating witches and helping the romantically retarded to seduce potential lovers via the delicate dim of candlelight. Finally, today we use fire to light bongs, as a symbol that “the tribe has spoken”, and to destroy middle-eastern oil rich countries. Fire has helped us evolve to the highly intellectual race of humans that we are today.

So as we celebrate the latest in gizmos, widgets, and thing-a-ma-bobs, let us remember the spark that created the technological era. It’s the turning of the ignition, it’s everybody’s favourite little combo of heat, oxygen, & fuel, and it’s that little flame burning in your soul. It’s fire… and it’s the coolest technology out there.

* * *

Endnote: You heard it here first… fire is hotter than Kim Jong-Il’s sunglasses this fall! Smoke signals will be the new text-message.

Ode to a special soul...

2006-10-11T20:16:00.000-04:00

Queer Issues

2006-10-04T19:59:00.000-04:00

This week was the annual "Queer Issue" with the newspaper that I write for (The Link), and like an eager little gay journalist, I submitted two articles... and they were both published!

The first was a collaborative effort with my boyfriend, Tim. It is essentially a discussion that we have frequently had over the labels that we give ourselves. And the second article is an exploration of why it is problematic to equate "Gay" and "AIDS".

Anyway, I hope you take the time to click on the links, read, and let me know what you think!

* * * *

Designer Labels

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, two-spirited, queer, dyke, byke, fag, twink, gym bunny, leather daddy, lipstick lesbian, tranny, bear, cub, alti-queer, homosexual, heteroflexible--this list could go on. We are a community that is obsessed with not only identity, but labelling our identities. Choosing a label is a personal process, reflects individual values, and can often incorporate a myriad of sub-identities.

Two boys, with similar backgrounds, education, upbringing, and appreciation for everything fabulous, can fundamentally disagree on the labels they prefer. Risking relationship bliss, the boyfriends duke it out to defend the label of their choice...

Continue here: Designer Labels

* * * *

World Without AIDS

This summer I was privileged to attend the International AIDS Conference in Toronto. The conference coincided sadly, yet appropriately, with the 25th anniversary of the start of the pandemic. In terms of a global health pandemic, twenty-five years is a long time. The gravity of this longevity is augmented by the fact that there is no apparent end in sight--millions of human lives have already been lost and many more continue to be lost by a preventable virus.

Coincidentally, I am 25 years old; this means that I have never known a world without AIDS...

Continue here: World Without AIDS

What comes next... you bust a move

2006-09-30T21:04:00.000-04:00

Now that winter is on the way, it is inevitable that we head inside a bit more.

And do you know what is indoors? Yup... dance parties.

So if you are feeling the need to spruce up your moves in order to bag that certain hottie that you've had your eye on, then finally, help is here.

Go get'em tigers!

Is it time to cell my soul?

2006-09-26T22:35:00.000-04:00

It is an unassuming Tuesday afternoon, and you are sitting in your new Philosophy class: Introduction to Ethics. The professor has the class in the palm of her hand as she elicits existential questions from deep within your brain. She pauses for a moment to let you think about moral principles, when suddenly an invasive melody springs from the purse of the Nicole-Ritchie-look-alike in the back row.

The air is filled with a synthesized ringing of “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls, followed by “yeah, I’m in class right now… I’ll meet you at Starbucks in 20 minutes”. Meanwhile, the whole class has turned to look, the professor has lost her train of thought, and cell-phone girl is applying her lip-gloss as if nothing has happened.

Am I the only person who wants to rip the blonde hair extensions off this girl and force a milkshake down her fake-tan-face so that she’ll have enough calories to comprehend that her cell-phone is completely obnoxious?

This is the ugly side of the cellular era. When owning a portable phone, we suddenly become accessible virtually everywhere - which leaves many people mistakenly thinking that they are somehow important. Talking to your mom or boyfriend does not make you the Dalai Lama.

One reason that cell-phones are problematic is that our culture has yet to establish concrete and appropriate norms when it comes to usage. Is it okay to use a cellular while in a public bathroom? Is it safe to drive and talk? Is it rude to be chatting on a cell-phone while ordering a latte? Is it really that wrong to send a quick text-message while sitting in class? If you have ever wondered if your cellular behaviour is questionable, then chances are it is.

Yet despite my obvious distaste for cellular culture, the time has come for me to consider the benefits of a cellular lifestyle. I am a busy guy with school, work, projects, and relationships to tend to; at times, a cell-phone would simplify communication and overall efficiency. But don’t get me wrong, I have no delusions of grandeur… I realize how highly unimportant I am.

So if I choose to sign my life away to some corporate contract, how do I remain as un-repugnant as possible? Is there some cellular code-of-conduct out there that I can use as a moral beacon? Unfortunately, I am afraid that I will be walking unguided through the mobile maze. But remembering to turn off the cell phone while in a lecture, lab, or tutorial will be a good place to start.

And as for those repeated classroom cell-phone offenders, I think Professors should start implementing stricter cell-phone policy. For example, they could propose that those individuals who have “cellular episodes” in class should be responsible for buying beer for the entire class at the end of the semester. Classmates would be sure to hold the guilty people accountable for their air-headed actions.

I just hope that I won’t be the schmuck buying beer for his class.

Your friendly neighborhood alternative medicine guru at your service...

2006-09-21T21:37:00.000-04:00

I thought I would post something a bit lighter today. And everybody loves a personality test! How did they know that I have "complex, deep feelings"? It's like they read straight into my soul...

"This is like totally trippy man" (inserted with a surfer boy accent of course)

Anyway, let me know the deep dark secrets of your personality.

You Are An INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

To Montrealers...

2006-09-17T20:09:00.000-04:00

“Where were you when…?”

This is often the question that surfaces when shocking events strike our lives – when the planes crashed into the twin towers, when the tsunami wrecked havoc on south east Asia, when the London Tube was bombed. What were you doing? How did you find out? What was your reaction? Large-scale events have haunting implications, and many of us are now suddenly connected in a way that we previously were not. If you were in Montreal on the 13th of September 2006, whether you are my friend or if we are strangers, we now share a similar experience. Often we create or maintain these connections through a process of sharing personal accounts and experiences.

If you could be so patient as to grant me a moment to briefly share my story, perhaps you will echo some of the sentiments…

* * *

I was sitting a home, typing up a cheeky article for The Link when my friend called me from Vancouver to make sure that I was okay. At first I was confused, but she quickly informed me about the news that she had heard, and I was on the CBC website within seconds. I was shocked. The first report that I accessed told me that six people were dead, with countless wounded. I immediately thought of my friend who studies nursing at Dawson, and I dialed his cell-phone to check in.

Fuck, no answer.

I turned on the radio, hooked up the dusty TV, and refreshed the news websites every minute to get more information. I wanted to go down to Dawson, but all reports told me to stay away. I felt powerless; there never seemed to be enough information. Finally, an email arrived from my friend telling me that he was okay. He was in the cafeteria when the shootings happened, but managed to hideout in a classroom until police came to assist in an evacuation.

I had a surge of emotion – mostly tears of relief, but also laced with anger that a friend was forced to experience such violence at a close proximity. There was also a knowledge that, despite the fact that my friend was safe, the reality of what had happened was still unchanged.

The day continued with minor news updates and a resonating sense of confusion. Friends and family from different parts of Canada called and emailed to check in, less out of fear that I had been physically harmed, but more to get a sense of the chaos in Montreal. I gave them what information I had – I told them that we were shocked and saddened and would need time to process.

* * *

Days later, I think I am still confused, but much of my anger is beginning to change into forms of compassion and/or sympathy. Like so many of us, I have wondered what could possibly motivate someone to act in such a horrific way. Yet, I am also sad for this young, violent man, who apparently slipped through the cracks of our communal ability to care for one another. I grieve for our disconnected cultural system, a system that often isolates instead of includes. I wonder what our process would look like, as a human race, to be able to prevent such events before they occur.

But before we can analyze, first we must grieve: as individuals, as a student body, as a city, and as a society. I hope we are able to go through this recovery process completely - if we felt fear, then to feel safe again; if we are angry, then a chance to express; if we are confused, then perhaps some frame of resolution. When we have returned to a sense of normalcy, it will be time to be critical about what has occurred.

So as we recover, I hope that you get the chance to share, to tell your story. Where were you when you found out about the shootings? How did you react? What sort of impact will this event have on you? Keep speaking of your truths - and let’s move forward as a system that is connected and that cares for each of its irreplaceable parts.

Graphing the Glory

2006-09-12T21:56:00.000-04:00

Sometimes after a time of goodness in our lives, there is a space where we are without direction or orientation. It comes when we return from inspired travels to a dusty apartment, and are unsure what to do next with ourselves; when we graduate, and there are no employers knocking at our doors; when race-day finally arrives, we run as fast as we can, and then wake-up the next morning to sore legs; when the sun has set in an opus of breathtaking colours, and we must find our way back from the beach in the dark. In each of these instances, the goal has been achieved, but what happens next is often unclear.

The time after the glory is fascinating… and potentially scary.

For myself, a linear question that often accompanies reflections of happy times is- must every high point be followed by a low point? In other words, if we are to experience adventure and joy and achievement, is it logical that there will be a slope going back down afterwards? And if so, how do we manage these times?

I ponder these thoughts because I have just had “the summer of my life”. It was incredibly great for many reasons: adventure, romance, education, and the visa bills to prove it all. So according to my motley theory of karmatic emotional equilibrium, I should be experiencing a major mood crash any day now. By the weekend, I should be listening to old-school country music, drinkin’ Jack Daniel’s out of a Dollarama mug, and recounting exaggerated tales of the dog days of summer.

However, mercifully it has yet to happen, and knock on wood, I think that I just might be in the clear. The trick has been to set my eyes on new potential highs and to start climbing towards them. Somehow, for me, knowing that I am building towards a goal or ambition can be as fulfilling as achieving it.

So if you are one of the many people experiencing the pandemic of post-summer depression, leaving you daydreaming in class, staring out the windows, and wondering if afternoons in the park are all but a fading memory. If you are forcing yourself to meander up the mountain, plan a picnic, and squeeze in a siesta, all in a desperate attempt to maintain the fair-weather high that keeps the winter blues at bay… know that you are not alone. I too am avoiding the valley of after-glory lows. But next summer is only a winter away, and it’s never too early to start pondering new projects and thinking about taller mountains to climb.

beating my best

2006-09-10T17:11:00.000-04:00

This morning I rolled myself out of bed at 7am (keeping in mind that it is a Sunday) and headed for the starting line of the 10km race that I had so masochistically enforced upon myself. I am a sucker for self punishment.

Actually, now that I've started running races, it has become a continual competition with myself to beat my "PB" (personal best). Each race is a chance to be better, a chance to kick my own ass, and then a chance to gloat about it in my journal.

My PB for the ten kilometer distance was established last year at 42 minutes. Not bad... but I knew I could do better. So this morning, inspired by the tightness of my new retro-knee-high socks, I set out to enter the "thirties". I wanted a score below 40 minutes.

The race was long, with a strong sensation to vomit around the 8km mark, but I managed to keep the bile in my stomach. I entered the Olympic Stadium (the site of the finish line) to the cheers of Tim and Betty-Lou, which inspired me to push harder. Upon rounding the last corner, I saw the clock above the finish line... it read 39 minutes, 45 seconds. So with 100 meters to go, I gave it my all, crossing the line as the clock turned to 40 minutes.

So did I get my below 40 time?

Well I verified my time a couple hours ago, and I am proud to announce that my new PB is 39:59.6... Yeehaw! Yup, I snuck in with 0.4 seconds to spare.

I would like to dedicate my race to irony and individuality. There was a tragic lack of representation of disheveled retro runners with short-shorts, head bands, and tube socks...

If I am going to beat myself, I am going to kick my ass with style.

Success is...

2006-09-05T21:56:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I went camping by myself to have some time to reflect over the priorities in my life. Although no life-altering epiphanies occured, I did manage to map out the coming months. One committment that I have made is to write regular articles for the university newspaper, The Link.

As you are aware, I love to write and what better way to access more readers than through a free newspaper. So everything that I write for The Link, whether they accept the articles or not, will be posted here.

My first one was accepted... yippee! Here it is.

Welcome back to school, kids. If this is your first semester, then I hope Concordia turns out to be everything that you had expected. If this is your last semester, then I hope it passes with minimal stress, and that you smoothly transition onto whatever awaits you next.

No matter who you are, chances are that you are here at university to prepare yourself for some sort of career or place within the “real world”. Is that not what post-secondary school is all about, to groom us into intellects and capable businessmen, nurses, and scientists? Within the walls of this institution we shall be taught to be “successful” human beings.

But what is success anyway?

For some of us, it will include achieving good grades and graduating at the top of our classes. For others it will be making new friends, balancing a 40-hour workweek with classes, or managing to not vomit after shot-gunning that ninth beer during orientation week. Whatever success is, it will be surely measured in a truly personal way.

Despite previous post-secondary experiences, when I started at Concordia last year, I have to admit that I was somewhat nervous. I received many invitations from the Student Success Center to partake in pre-semester tours, First-Year student seminars, and the “College Student Inventory™” (or CSI for short). It became evident that the folks at the Student Success Center really wanted me to succeed.

I went ahead and did the CSI, half out of a desire to “succeed” and half out of a fear that if I skipped out, then fucked up at school, I would have only myself to blame. Upon completion, I was taken into a small, windowless room with a handful of seemingly delinquent Dawson College kids and advised to prepare myself for the hardships of university. I was in the big leagues now.

Interestingly, one of the recommendations from the CSI was to “Discuss attitude towards school with counselor”. I found this fascinating. According to my CSI results, I had supposed doubts about the value of a post-secondary education. They were absolutely right; the CSI had interrogated me, and I was guilty of a mild case of university apathy.

For myself, the idea of being a “successful” person was not linked to whether or not I completed university. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still here at school, writing papers and buying textbooks. I am investing in a university education because on some level I believe that it will be beneficial to my personal evolution. I also acknowledge that higher grades tend to equate further opportunity down the road. But there are many paths to personal success, and I think it is important to acknowledge that school is a valid choice, but not the only choice.

Ironically, as university has taught me to think critically, I have used these skills to be objective in regards to the very hand that feeds me. So if I could be so audacious as to pass on some unsolicited advice to you, it would be to think about success outside of the classroom. As you rack up the credits, pass countless hours researching in the library, and frantically cram for exams, try to keep a certain perspective. Try to remember that success could simply be the ability to step back and realize one’s worth regardless of the certificates, degrees, or doctorates that we receive at university.

Scheduled Enlightenment

2006-09-03T11:28:00.000-04:00

Summertime... and the music is playing

2006-08-29T22:51:00.000-04:00

So I spent the weekend in a tent out at Mont Orford (QC) where I got to climb a mountain, sit on beach, read a book, and think about the upcoming projects in my life. It was also an urgent attempt to appreciate the last offerings of summer before I am shackled to the textbooks of post-secondary education and the winter cold keeps me captive in my own home.

(ahem...) Sorry, I'm having a hard time letting go of the summer.

I am actually excited to about the refreshing coolness in the air, the desire to start cooking hearty fall dinners, and pulling out the big duvet from the closet and snuggling up. Fall is definitely my season.

But summer has been lovely and I've been privileged to do many a great thing.

So in honour of summer and the good times, I compiled a mix of some of the tunes that were my soundtrack for the past 4 months. I thought I'd make a bit of a (illegal) game of it and burn a few copies to give to those who wanted a fun little mix CD. Don't hate me for pirating music... hopefully it will inspire you to go and support the artists that you love.

MIX06

Be (Common)
Inside and Out (Feist)
I Don't Know What I Can Save You From (Kings Of Convenience)
Superstition (Stevie Wonder)
Neutroniks (k-os)
Keep on Movin' (?)
I'm So Excited (Le Tigre)
Lovers In The Backseat (Scissor Sisters)
Daybreaker (Beth Orton)
Rooftop Campers (Freeworm)
I Want You Back (The Jackson 5 )
Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
Take The Long Way (Po' Girl)

So here's the deal... I will send a copy to the first five folks to leave a comment and tell me what your favourite part of the summer was. The beach? The martinis? A summer romance? Your brazilian wax?

Lookin' forward to hearing some of your stories...

happy harvesting :)

Links, Resources, and Images

2006-08-22T15:20:00.000-04:00

I have recieved a couple of emails asking if it would be okay to share this blog with other people. My answer is ABSOLUTELY... the more people that read "The Little Spruce Tree", the happier I am. This is a space where I share my public thoughts and I encourage people to comment and dialogue on the subjects that I write about.

So please, forward friends and family the address to the blog, or add me as a link to your blog, or create a stylish publicity campaign to target all internet users on a global level. Your choice.

* * *

So I've made it back to Montreal after a busy week in Toronto. There are still many thoughts circling around in my head about where to go from here, how I can have the biggest impact in the work that I do, who I would like to work with, and what I can be doing now to create opportunities in the future. It is important stuff.

Today however, I will not bore you with the details :) Instead, I wanted to post some resources, links, and images that could help to get the wheels turning in your brain and for us all to access information.

WEBSITES:

www.unaids.org

The United Nations: A great source for educating oneself on the global state of the pandemic, with information on how AIDS affects women, drug users, and young people.

www.cdnaids.ca

Canadian AIDS Society: A coalition of over 125 community-based AIDS service organizations across Canada. Also provides links to each organization, so it would be possible to gain information about what is going on in your community. The Walk for Life is on September 17th… who will you be marching with? Find out here!

www.actoronto.org

AIDS Committee of Toronto: Need a place to start? This is a good website to educate yourself on HIV/AIDS transmission, safer sex information, HIV/AIDS Statistics, and Women’s resources.

* * *

LECTURES:

I wanted to let people know that many of the lectures that were given at the Toronto AIDS conference are available as free podcasts on iTunes. Go to the ‘Music Store’, then podcasts, and search AIDS 2006. If you need some direction on where to start, let me know.

If you are without an MP3 player or iPod, then you can click here to access online streaming-audio access to the lectures at the conference, include speeches by Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Stephen Lewis, and others. (http://www.kaisernetwork.org/aids2006/index.cfm).

* * *

EMAIL:

Let me also give you the email where you can contact the Prime Minister himself.

pm@pm.gc.ca or Harper.S@parl.gc.ca

I wrote Stevie a quick note yesterday asking for continued and reliable funding for the Global AIDS relief fund, as well as encouraging him to renew the licence for the Vancouver Safe injection site. I also invited him to join me at the "Walk For Life" on September 17th, it is a fundraiser for HIV/AIDS where people get pledged to walk. I'll keep you posted if I hear anything :)

Feel free to send an email and express your concerns… it is my belief that if people are vocal, then governments respond.

* * *

IMAGES:

Finally, I'd like to leave with some prevention campaign images that I have seen at the conference and on the internet. Please comment if you have any specific reactions or thoughts to what you see... what do you think works? what doesn't?

Friday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

2006-08-18T20:14:00.000-04:00

And so it ends.

As mentioned yesterday, the conference wrapped up today with more speeches and summaries about what we have done over the past 5 days, and where we are headed. The highlight of the day, as to be expected, was listening to the charismatic and poignant words of Stephen Lewis (see Wednesday’s Report for more). He was rewarded with a standing ovation and an applause that lasted for five minutes. Also included in the ceremonies were a couple of short films, musical performances, and the ‘handing of the reins’ to Mexico City, who will play host in 2008. It was with mixed emotions that I left the conference center, and re-entered the world- a world where I am unforunately not constantly marinated in motivation and hope.

Because of this, I am already thinking of the logistics of getting myself to Mexico City in 2008.

One of the most thematic sentiments that has been expressed over the past few days is that HIV/AIDS is not just a health issue: it is an issue of gender inequity, of homophobia, of poverty, of human rights, of inadequate policy making, of racism. Those who are marginalized and stigmatized by society are statistically more vulnerable to the pandemic: sex workers, men who have sex with men, drug users, transgendered folk, and indigenous peoples.

There are interventions and preventions that proven to reduce the transmission of HIV. We need to support safe-injection sites for drug users. We need to use condoms when engaging in high-risk sexual activities, and continue to make them accessible to youth. We need to individually reflect upon the ways that we perpetuate gender inequalities and racism through the language we use, the politicians we elect, and the assumptions that we make. We need to decriminalize sex workers and provide them with access to health care and sexual health education.

We need to engage ALL populations in the process of policy making. The solutions are not going to come from privileged white males sitting around a conference table at a G-8 Summit meeting. We need to include HIV positive peoples in decision making… because people living with HIV are NOT the problem; they are the key to the solution.

We need action. We need to be given tangible directions and leadership. Let me help to get you started… here’s what you can do:

Write letters. Make your voice be heard. Volunteer. Challenge yourself to think about the ways that you perpetuate inequality. Give money. Educate yourself. VOTE! (and hold your politicians accountable for their promises… they serve to answer to us). Go to a Vigil. Read this blog. Ask questions. Support nurses and caregivers. Let yourself feel the injustice of HIV/AIDS- it can serve to fuel us. Have hope.

These are all proactive steps that can start today.

HIV/AIDS is completely preventable, yet the price of inaction is death. We are standing at the breaking point where the pandemic could go down in history as the greatest tragedy in human history. Or it could be remembered as the place in time where we pulled together to find solutions, where we learned the depths of our generousity, and where we realized that human life is the most precious commodity that we have.

* * *

Thank you for being a part of my week. I acknowledge, again, how truly blessed I am to have been a part of this experience, and I am fully willing to share it with you in whatever capacity I possibly can. It is because I have such wonderful people in my life that I am able to explore and challenge and reflect and give. I am here because of you.

Lots of love,

Daniel

Thursday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

2006-08-17T22:38:00.000-04:00

I have just returned from the Vigil that was held to honour, remember, and celebrate the lives of those who have died. I am reminded of the sorrowful legacy that AIDS has created; I am reminded of the reality of the pandemic.

For the past four days I have been engaged in dialogue of prevention and human rights and sexuality and gender inequity, and as such it has been easy to not be effected by the grief, bereavement, and loss that is undeniably a part involved with AIDS support and caregiving. Tonight I am feeling it. Tonight I let the tears fall because I need a way to express my anger and sorrow. Anger that this is preventable, sorrow that it continues.

Let me not fool myself on human realities.

* * *

Today, I experienced the most resonating speech of the conference thus far. The words came from the mouth of a 21 year-old Jamaican girl who spoke on behalf of the youth contingent of the conference. At an early age she attended to her father who died of AIDS-related illnesses; this motivated her to start the first youth group in Jamaica to respond to the AIDS epidemic. This is an inspiring example of transforming devastation in creation; of taking the worst that life can give a person, and turning it into something that heals.

I am humbled and motivated by individuals like this. She spoke to a crowd of 5000 scientist, community workers, and activists with the wisdom and strength of a person far beyond her years, asking for the world to listen to the specific needs of youth. She had strong leadership skills… right now the world needs strong leaders.

So tomorrow is the last day of the AIDS conference and the closing ceremonies, with summaries, key-note addresses, and presentations to be made. It is coming at an appropriate time for myself, as I am growing weary, both cognitively and emotionally. It has been an intense five days thus far, and I will need some time to go through all the information that I have received and to reflect over how I can transfer the momentum of this experience forward. My participation in this conference has been a gift from the donors and supporters of the Canadian Scholarship Programme, and I would like to honour their generousity by paying forward with refreshed motivation and new knowledge.

My gratitude to those who give.

* * *

(The following is something I wrote a couple months ago. It is a reflection on not wanting to become de-sensitized to the harsher realities in which exist in my neighborhood, my country, my world. I think much of my human process has been fighting to keep myself sensitive, on keeping myself open. In light of the vigil and to honour the caregivers who have experienced the most painful part of the pandemic, I thought that today would be an appropriate time to share it…)

un-affect-able

life in the city
can be dehumanizing
the only way I survive
is to go inside my head

I don’t want to be come un-affect-able
I don’t want to become hard

I had fantasies of grandeur
of reconnection
of liberation

(but why?)

because when I step outside it is evident
I am not hard
but bend with warmth and time

and any fantasies in my head
are actualized
only when I realize
that life also gives moments of humanity.

Wednesday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

2006-08-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

Stumbled out of bed late this morning after missing my alarm clock, then rushed to catch the subway, grab a refined-sugar breakfast (coffee and cinnamon bun), and make it to the Plenary Session… which I have to admit made me feel completely intellectually inferior. There was much pharmaceutical research-based talk of medicine and biology, and the social scientist in me was longing for some Human Rights or psychosocial based dialogue.

But, the flip side is that I am motivated to educate myself on the scientific/biological side of the pandemic. My work and interested has been focused around healing the spirit, but keeping the physical body alive is equally as important.

Why is so vital to keep people alive?

It seems like such a bizarre question to pose, but I think it is fascinating to explore. As a collective group of human beings we are far to numerous and we are doing far too much damage to sustain the rate that we are consuming and disposing. Some would argue that AIDS is nature’s way of controlling the population, a Darwinian reality of “survival of the fittest”, or even a punishment for those who are engaging in “immoral” behaviour.

I argue, however, that we as a species (with a conscience) will have failed if we do not care for each other in our time of immobility, poverty, and exhaustion. We will be able to hold our heads high in the future, if we can look back and be proud of our past. There is space for mistakes along the way, and these mistakes will teach us invaluable lessons, but I can guarantee that acting with compassion and empathy will lead to a future of wisdom, community, and pride. The most valuable commodity, in my option, is human life; we must fight to keep mothers alive to raise their children.

Today I am feeling especially inspired from listening to the wisdom of Dr. Stephen Lewis, he spoke tonight down at the Harbour Front. Dr. Lewis is a diplomat, humanitarian, and authour (“Race Against Time”) who is not afraid to speak of the gap between political vision and actual human realities. He is a powerful ally in the empowerment of woman and fights for funding for orphans who have lost their parents to AIDS. Listening to him speak is like a little bit of dark chocolate for my soul.

On a lighter note…

I have been doing a lot of filming while at the conference and have a little pipe-dream of making a short, 15-minute documentary about what I am experiencing in the Global Village, in my sessions, and in the halls. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to sit down and sort through the footage and do some editing… if it happens, then I would love the opportunity to share it with you!

Kisses!

More buzz words/concepts:

ARV’s – this is an acronym for Anti-RetroViral treatments. These are essentially the drugs that are needed to suppress the HIV within a person’s blood stream. Huge progress has been made in the past ten years in regards to allowing people to live with HIV… drug regiments used to include 17 pills per day, now the norm is 3 pills.

“3 by 5” – this is a goal that was set to have 3 million people in sub-saharan Africa on life saving anti-retroviral drugs by the year 2005. Unfortunately this goal was not met, but 1.6 million people currently have access to ARV treatment. To put this in context, there are 25 million people in Africa with HIV/AIDS.

Universal Access – the ultimate ideal in regards to enabling each human being access to drug therapies. The goal is to have universal access to medication by the year 2010. It is absolutely ludicrous in my mind to know that medication exists, but it will take another half decade before people can access it (drugs have patents, international policy blocks access, people move alarmingly slow sometimes).

Tuesday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

2006-08-15T22:49:00.000-04:00

Day Two at the conference was equally as busy as Day One, but I was a bit more rested and had the stamina to be a bit more present for longer. Which is great because there is so much to do, so many ways to get my brain stimulated.

I started out with learning more about Microbicides! Hurray for giving women tools to protect themselves! So this lead to many thoughts about the ways that prevention of HIV can be delivered. I have to admit that I have been very centered on the idea that prevention should be based around promoting behavioural changes. For example, if an individual was having unprotected sex, then the behavioural change campaign targeting this person would often promote using condoms. However, this is based upon his/her partner’s compliance to do so.

Prevention in the form of a microbicide or vaccine could protect those who do not have the liberty to change their behaviour, such as sex workers (due to illiteracy, poverty, isolation, etc). Protecting sex workers is a vital form of preventing the spread of viruses and infections.

Another buzz around prevention is in regards to male circumcision. There has been a lower prevalence of infection rates amoungst men who have been circumcised. This lends itself to the physiology of foreskin, and its ability to provide an environment for the virus to survive for longer periods, thus making it more likely to enter the body.

However, I am concerned about the concept of circumcision as prevention. Circumcision is a form of body modification, and this decision should be left in the hands of the individual. I hesitate at the idea of widely promoting circumcision of newborns, because on a broad level it is a human rights violation.

There’s some food for thought.

In other news, I made a new friend today. He is a Buddhist monk from Laos, and he flew half way around the world to come to this conference for a week. I was sitting outside, taking a few moments to myself, and watching the clouds float by the CN tower (which was directly above me), when three monks walked by in their religious orange robes. I asked one of the monks if I could interview him on camera, and we got to talking about our experiences in HIV/AIDS work. His name was Somchit Phomthavong and he gave me his email so that we could keep in touch. Perhaps I will go to Laos for a visit.

Other highlights of the day include having lunch and circumcision conversation with my Step-mom (who will be leading an aboriginal-based talking circle tomorrow), protesting the claims made by “Globe & Mail” journalist Margaret Wente in today’s Editorial section (hugely problematic comments about gay men and immigrants), and watching sex workers perform in the Global Village (a performance called “Star Whores”… I hope it will become a trilogy).

Thanks for tuning in, it is great to come home after a long day and process all the information that I have been exposed to… this a great venue to do that and I am extremely happy if you are reading along.

Be well.

Monday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

2006-08-14T22:53:00.000-04:00

It’s Monday night and I’m enjoying some dark chocolate as I gather my thoughts and occasionally peer from my 14th floor dorm room. I can hear a gentle hum of 4 million people living their lives; I can see the TV’s illuminating the darkness of a hundred lonely apartments. Perhaps others can see me staring into this computer screen; perhaps they think I am lonely as well.

I am feeling incredibly NOT alone at the moment. By participating in this conference (on HIV/AIDS) I am surrounded by 30,000 people who have come from all corners of the world. This morning I was up at 6:30 am to head to the Women’s Rally & March when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I sleepily turned to see a woman from Nigeria asking me if I was heading to the rally as well. We walked and talked about our experience, involvement, and hopes in regards the HIV/AIDS field. I am finding myself immediately unified with people regardless of age, nationality, or HIV status.

It is also hard to feel alone when Barry White is singing “Stand By Me” to me… well myself and a couple thousand of my new friends. That’s right, the big, beautiful baritone himself kicked off the musical acts of last night’s Opening Ceremonies after a series of speeches by the Ontario Premier, the Mayor of Toronto, Bill & Melinda Gates, Alicia Keys, and Richard Gere (okay, now I’m just shamelessly name dropping). But it was a good party, so I have to gloat a bit… also on stage was Amanda Marshall, Blue Man Group, Chantal Kreviazuk, and Our Lady Peace. Okay, Okay… the name dropping is over.

I am sad to say that I cannot drop the name of our Prime Minister who apparently had more important things to do than address those committed souls who lead the way in solving the greatest health threat the world has ever know. You might have sensed some bitterness in this previous sentence. Personally, I find it embarrassing that we are hosting such a massive event and the Prime Minister does not have the conviction to attend. The Canadian delegates have made it clear that they are not happy about this; there have been consistently negative reactions whenever Mr. Harper’s name is distastefully ejected from the lips of speakers and social advocates.

So I had a big day today with rallies, forums, and wandering through booths that international organizations have set up. I am trying to pace myself though, because it would be easy to try to take in too much and burn out quickly. I am incredibly lucky to be here; I have pledged to make the most of it.

Goodnight Toronto, peaceful dreams.

Some buzz words/concepts that are immerging:

Stigmatization: refers to harsh disapproval of a behaviour or identity category that goes against a cultural norm or is perceived as deviant; stigma is linked to marginalization and ostricization. In the context of HIV/AIDS it is important to consider the realities that populations, who are vulnerable to the disease, are faced with. For example, if a sex worker is rejected by society how will this affect his/her abilities to make healthier sexual choices?

Microbicides: cutting edge preventative treatment for woman. A microbicide is a gel that a woman can insert in her vagina to kill foreign bacteria and viruses, including the HIV virus. Most microbicides are in the clinical testing stages, but many researchers and community workers believe that this is the future of HIV prevention. (I hope to make it to a lecture regarding this subject, as it is new information for myself).

Indivisibililty: a matrix approach to the concept of Human Rights, stating that it is impossible to separate the holistic reality of human rights… in regards to health, gender, religious, emotional, sexual rights, etc. Thos who are living with HIV have a right to be sexual.

ABC Model of Prevention:

Abstinence

Be Faithful

Condoms (use them)

This is the brainchild of the Bush Administration and is receiving much criticism from delegates (and rightfully so, in my option). Prevention models that stress abstinence are problematic in the fact that they ignore the innate human tendency to have sex. We like sex. We are going to have sex. Sex is not evil. Let’s be a bit more progressive with our prevention techniques.

En Route to Education... The XVI International AIDS Conference

2006-08-13T17:28:00.000-04:00

I am currently on a train somewhere south of Kingston, en route to the Toronto International AIDS Conference. I am about to embark upon a week of workshops, protests, dialogues, and network building- all in regards to the global pandemic of HIV/AIDS. It is a professional and intellectual forum to the likes of which I have never engaged. I am both nervous and excited.

To give a little background information, my involvement in HIV/AIDS community work began three years ago when I moved to Montreal. I had known that I wanted to be involved with a movement to curtail the transmission of this virus; yet I was unsure where to begin. How does one just become a part of a movement? The answer was in the proverbial saying:

Think Globally. Act Locally.

So I found a community organization where I could volunteer my time (AIDS Community Care Montreal). I received training in support services: active listening, harm reduction, and managing depression. Throughout the following years, I spent time at the ACCM Drop-In Center, as well as volunteering one-on-one with clients who requested social support. I have had some very formative experiences and have been connected to a community of prevention and support; including meeting people who have become amazing friends.

Yet, it is easy for me to feel powerless in this “battle” of global proportions. The David and Goliath analogy would be sadly understating the massive beast that I would love to slay. But thankfully it’s not just me throwing stones at AIDS; there is a global community of affected and inspired leaders who have been fighting for the past two decades.

It is the silver lining- AIDS connects people.

This week I will have the privilege of listening to these leaders, asking them questions, and learning about their losses and triumphs. It is my hope that, throughout the coming years, I can help carry forward the momentum in which they have created. That I can be of service, and then as I gain knowledge and experience, I may be a source of education or leadership for others. It is about fitting myself into the system of prevention and support.

So as I try to take in as much information over the next week as humanly possible, I will also try to share what I am experiencing. I am making myself a point of access to those who are not able to attend the conference. So if you have questions in regards to HIV/AIDS, both locally or globally, feel free to ask (you can post in the comments section, with your name or anonymously). If I don’t have an answer, then I will keep asking until I get one. And if you don’t have a question, then keep your ears opened to the news that is coming from the conference. The world currently has its eyes on Toronto; it’s the perfect opportunity to learn about the biggest health issue of our time.

Adventures in Wireless

2006-08-11T12:52:00.000-04:00

So before the summer ends and I lose track of all the crazy adventures I've had this summer, I just wanted to share one of the "special moments" from my road trip this summer.

The scene is in suburban North Dakota on a cloudy Tuesday afternoon, as three ambitious Canadians try to steal wireless access from the unsuspecting Americans. I managed to post a blog (see "One Night in Fargo", June 13th) and send out some emails before the unexpected happened...

Anyway, hope you get a chuckle.

Let the games be remembered...

2006-08-07T22:09:00.000-04:00

(sigh...)

What a week I have had.

The OutGames has been amazing and entertaining and heartwarming and draining and fun. The opening ceremonies was a blast, it was an intense and emotional experience to be entering the Montreal Olympic Stadium with 10 000 athletes and artists from 111 different countries. Also a privilege to be part of the "hometown" contingent of Team Montreal... there were loud cheers from us proud queers.

My sport was volleyball. We played hard and placed 5th out of 16 teams. There were teams from Brazil, Thailand, Mexico, Denmark, and many other countries competing. Volleyball was fun to play because you get to know the different teams, however it did leave me cooped up in a gym for 3 days... so when it wrapped up I was excited to check out some of the other sporting events such as badminton, basketball, soccer, and beach volleyball.

It was a pleasure to see people being awared their medals. To hear of stories of triumph and participation, to see the crowd cheering on the last man to cross the finish line of the men's 65 and older 1500 m race. The games were about participating, and there was a sense in the air that everyone had already won.

The week was made more pleasurable by having my house full of loved ones from the west. Tim came out from Prince George to play volleyball in the games (our teams played against each other in an epic battle... ending in a tie... which was healthy for our relationship), while Lisa & Ryan came out from Victoria to enjoy the Montreal summer, to cheer us on, and to help stalk Leonard Cohen from my balcony. One of my fondest memories of the week will be dressing up and heading down to the pride parade (see photo below). People actually came up to us to take our photos.

So now it is a quiet Monday night and I am thinking about heading to bed... I am still recooperating from lack of sleep and high emotions. But I am also feeling confused on how to process such an incredible and intense experience. How does one transition back into "everyday life" after such a unique and powerful experience?

I don't have the answer to this yet, but I know that I will be going back over the photos and the memories for a while... here are some pic's of the games. Included is the opening ceremonies, the badminton crowds, Ryan & myself with a drag queen, and my good friends Hil & Suzie on the podium after their 1st/2nd place in the womens 4 km cross-country race!

Let the games begin!

2006-07-27T22:30:00.000-04:00

I am on the eve of a deliciously exciting week here in Montreal. The first ever World OutGames kicks off on the weekend with the opening ceremonies on Saturday night (featuring Cirque du Soleil, KD Lang, Martha Walsh, and more). The OutGames consist of a conference on Human Rights, numerous sporting competitions, as well as cultural events (such as dance and choral). It is an opportunity to bring people together, to gain media attention for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered rights, to engage in sport, to enjoy the many shows that are taking place.

Here is an exerpt from the OutGames website:

Based on the principles of Participation and Celebration, Respect and Fairness, Innovation, Diversity and Empowerment (PRIDE), the games welcome everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, age, gender, race, religion, nationality, ethnicity, physical challenge, political beliefs, physical ability, athletic/artistic skills or HIV/ health status. There are no minimum athletic standards to qualify for the Outgames. People with specific needs or disabilities are integrated as full-fledged participants, volunteers, officials and spectators.

For myself, this week will serve as a celebration of sorts. I have come a long way from that 17 year old boy with a secret and no way of expressing himself. I know what it means to feel isolated, I know how it feels to be called a "fag", and I know that the process to feeling comfortable in my own skin has been somewhat tumultuous.

These days, I know how it feels to have community, to feel loved, and to feel proud. I am extremely blessed to be able to be accepted and supported by my family, friends, and a nation that is on the forefront of non-heterosexual rights. This week I celebrate the transition from isolation to community, from self-confused to self-connected, and from shame to pride.

It still brings tears to my eyes... and I hope it always will.

Thanks for being a part of my process.

Dan

Upon My Second Pillow

2006-07-23T22:27:00.000-04:00

I discovered last night
that I have been sharing my bed
with a centipede.

When the lights go dim,
he crawls upon my second pillow
resting his laggard legs
(after a day of dodging dust bunnies
beneath my boxspring)

I haven't the heart
to ask him to find a new flat.

For if I were a centipede,
I would find it terribly tedious
to pull up my one hundred socks
and take on the day.

letting the thunder be

2006-07-17T22:52:00.000-04:00

"Thunder is the sound of the shockwave caused during a thunderstorm when lightning rapidly heats and expands the air in and directly around the lightning channel (bolt) into plasma, producing acoustic shock waves in the atmosphere identified as thunder. It is said that the air is heated up to 30 000 °C (54 000 °F)."

-Wikipedia

Tonight I sit in my apartment as a rainstorm cools the hot summer heat. It has been a balmy 39 C in Montréal (with the humidity factor), and I have spent the past couple days in my un-airconditioned apartment toying with insanity. The trick to survival is to make peace with stickiness, to keep the drinking glasses in the freezer, and to take two cold showers a day.

So the thunderstorm is a welcomed respite from the heat.

I am fascinated by the grandeur of thunder. I love its magnitude, its unappologetic presence, and the way a good crack of thunder can be felt inside of my chest. I am reminded of my littleness when a dramatic storm rolls through my structured days. I have no control over the lightning and thunder; it is refreshing to step back and indulge in the powerlessness of the moment.

I can't say that I fully understand how thunder occurs, despite the brief definition above... and I feel content in not-knowing. It is something that I prefer to keep mysterious. Somethings affect us which require refection and processing , while others we need not analyze. I will enjoy the thunder and let it be.

* * * *

Non-thunderous things that have rocked my world in the past couple of months:

SONG: "Take the Long Way" by Po'Girl (out of Vancouver)... sweet harmonies, dizzying heights, and a call for taking time to see the moon. Beautiful. (Thanks for the introduction Rachel)

MOVIE: "Crash" by Canada's own Paul Haggis. Definitely worth the hype, and a deserving Oscar win. I appreciated how each charater was a villain and a hero in his or her own way... outlined a personal core belief: there are no winners when it comes to racism.

BOOK: "Written on the Body" by Jeanette Winterson. Part novel, part prose, heavily romantic, achingly tragic.

"Written on the body is a secret code only visible in certain lights; the accumulations of a lifetime gather there. In places the palimpsest is so heavily worked that the letters feel like braille"

PLACE: Montana, USA. I cannot argue with its shear beauty... from winding rivers, to golden prairies, to the continental divide. I want to go back and explore.

Notes from 3000 meters

2006-07-12T12:15:00.000-04:00

I am currently a few thousand meters above Cranbrook, BC, moving faster than the speed of sound, and enjoying the way the slow sinking western sun is reflecting off of the Rocky Mountains. That’s right, I am on an airplane (seat 16F, a window beside the emergency exit), heading back to Montreal - my home away from home.

I don’t really get the whole "flying" thing. My semi-functional brain has yet to fully comprehend how it is possible for a one-hundred ton mix of steal, rubber, fuel, and flesh can hurl through the atmosphere at 400 km/hour, and then I can walk away intact with little more than a small jet-lag haziness and a minor case of flatulence. It is a miracle that shan’t cease to amaze me.

Some people love flying; I however accept my inevitable death each time I am sitting on the tarmac waiting for take-off. Usually, I take stock of my life, my family, and my dreams, and then take a deep breath and say, “well I didn’t get to drop acid while walking barefoot through India… but it’s been a good 25 years”. Twenty minutes later, after checking my pulse and reminding myself of my student loan debt, the pain of life sinks back in and I realize that indeed I am still alive. As such, you have been graced with/subjected to another rambling blog.

I am, however, a lover of airports: the hustle, the bustle, the bittersweet goodbyes, and the excitement of arriving. Often, I will show up early just to watch people coming and going, to wander through the bookshops, and to treat myself to a fine airport dining experience. “Today’s Special” was the Swiss Vegetarian soy-burger, served with lightly seasoned Yukon potatoes, and a carbonized cane-sugar lemon water (aka: Combo #7 with Sprite at A&W’s). Airports are a place of transition, and I love the thought of thousands of people randomly being in the same place, at the same time.

It is combination of souls that will exist only for a moment in eternity…

* * * *
(Three minutes later, after a quick trip to the lavatory…)

Have you ever wondered what happens to the urine when you flush in an airplane? The sound kind of freaks me out, like it’s being sucked out into the sky. Hmmm… just something to think about.

* * * *

So this morning I was a west-coaster, I went jogging around Vancouver’s Stanley Park, and then topped off with a fresh-fruit smoothie. Tonight I will become, again, un Montrealais, sip red wine on my rooftop overlooking “the Main”, and perhaps sing a slow movin’ country song. I am lucky to be a transnational Canadian, that I am able to enjoy the best of two great worlds.

So even if this plane should go down in a great inferno over a Great Lake, I will be grateful that I have had the time to see family, to be romantic, to have adventure, and to know that I have urinated on some of the highest mountains in the world.

Good-bye BC, I’ll see you soon.

The Lakes are Calling

2006-07-07T00:37:00.000-04:00

Sometimes the best adventures are in our own backyards.

In the backyard of Prince George is one of the most famous canoe circuits in the world. It is called Bowron Lake Provincial Park and consists of six or seven clean, crisp lakes closely linked in a rectangular-like loop of jaw-droppingly beautiful scenery. It’s a paddler’s wet(suit) dream…

Yes, it is in my backyard, and embarrassingly I have yet to conquer the circuit, yet to complete my bushman’s rite of passage, yet to sacrifice my sweet city-boy blood to the hungry swarms of black flies.

However on Sunday, for the first time in twenty odd years, I went up to the Bowron Lakes with Tim to have a little peak around (I was told by my mother that we went camping there as a family, many years ago… however, we did not do the 7-day canoe circuit).

Tim and I brought a tent and spent 24 hours exploring the area: we hiked, swam in the cool water, canoed for a couple hours, and drank a couple beer in the lodge overlooking the lake. As well, we were treated to some special outdoor treats: a momma Grizzly bear with three cubs, a star-lit sky with satellites drifting by, and a dramatic rainstorm (which we narrowly escaped). It was quick breath of adventure and nature.

I was happy to get to see the area, but sad that I had such little time… as such, I have set a goal to take the time to paddle the circuit within the next five years.

In my previous posts, I have written about the desire for travel and adventure. In fact I advised you to get out there and add new stamps to your passport. For myself, the Bowron Lakes are a perfect example of not needing to go far to find beauty and adventure. In my own backyard there is an adventure waiting to happen, and I am looking forward to stepping up the challenge!

I hope you find some adventure your own backyard!

A Letter

2006-07-04T14:38:00.000-04:00

Re: Comments left on the most recent post "On Romanticism"

Dear Non-Gender Identified Anonymous Commentator,

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are obviously well versed in critical thinking, and I have a deep respect for that. It is my hope that the readers of this blog were not offended by me attaching a gender to romance.

I chose a feminine gender because, for myself, romance has been soft, graceful, and beautiful. In the context of my life, these traits have come more frequently from women. I also chose to gender romance because it simply sounds more poetic, and helped to create a romantic tone to the blog in which I was writing. My goal was to elict romantic notions from my readers, and to a certain degree I felt like I had failed when reading your comments. Romance is something that I value and I wanted to share this with those who I care about.

I realize some implications of attaching gender to concepts and ideas (example: perpetuating a problematic bianary system), and I accept full implications of this. To me, romance is indeed practical in many ways, for instance, it helps me enjoy life.

As for my suggestions on how to lead a romantic life being "intrenched in privilege", in some ways I agree with you and in other ways I am surprised that these suggestions were not interpreted as the metaphors in which they were intended. To "get new stamps on your passport" is simply a way of advising one to travel, to step out of familiar territory, to observe other ways of life. This could mean having lunch in a different part of town or walking a different way home from work/school.

Also, I think that you have interpreted the word "home" as simply as structure with walls and a roof. For myself, "home" includes all the people that share the space, the emotions that are elicited, and the experiences that are created. To be able to think about ideas of romance, creating a home and traveling is indeed a privilege, I agree with you. I also believe that dreaming beyond my current socioeconomic status, academic limitations, or spiritual plains will help me, not only be romantic, but also to envision a future of growth and actualization on various personal levels.

It felt like your comments were coming from a discourse that is a part of why romance seems so distant in my culture. Personally, I am torn between the value of critical thinking and dissection versus the value of letting myself be un-analytical and being more present. At what point do I allow myself to be romantic? to be analytical? Is it possible to do both at the same time? I felt like your comments had succeeded to un-romanticize that which I had just written.

I am a bit disappointed that you chose to remain anonymous, however grateful that you took the time to challenge and share your thoughts. I love the suggestion of "enjoying what you have", for me, it is a romantic notion to see myself one day feeling completely balanced and needless. Enjoying what I have now is a great place to start.

So thanks, it was refreshing to be stimulated :)

Sincerely,

Daniel

On Romanticism

2006-06-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about romance lately, and the various forms in which she exists. When thinking about romance, we often imagine candle-lit dinners, long-stemmed red roses, making love on a beach, and poetry dripping with intergalactic grandeur. These romantic notions are based on love, sensuality, and sexuality.

But what are the other ways that one can be romantic?

For myself, I am highly romantic about my life, about the way I desire my time on this planet to unfold, and all the things that I hope to accomplish. This indeed does include falling in love (and all the gushy things listed above), but also many romantic notions of adventure, lifestyle, and community.

I want to write poetry in a Paris café, I want to watch the sunrise from the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, I want to buy a boat and live on it, I want to run a marathon, I want to record an album, I want to plant a garden, I want to watch children grow, I want to bake bread, I want grey hair, I want to die knowing that I have lived.

For a long time, I was hesitant to admit to the true extent of my romanticism. I think this was a response to the fact that we are living in fairly un-romantic times. These are the days of Wal-mart, the 6 o’clock news, suburban isolation, and institutionalized aging. It is tragically easy to live an un-romantic life. We have jobs that tell us to be more efficient, schools that tell us to be more logical, and a society that tells us to be unoriginal.

I, for one, feel a need to fight against the dying of romance. And as such, I have chosen to be an ally to romance, because I think she has seen better days.

So what is being an ally to romance?

It means stating loud and clear that I AM A ROMANTIC and that I am pretty damn proud of it. In doing this I hope you are able to think about your own romantic tendencies and divulge in them from time to time. You may just find yourself smiling a bit more.

Tips on living a romantic life (from a self appointed expert):

• Get new stamps on your passport regularly

• Write letters and postcards (not just e-mails)

• Take time to daydream

• Keep a journal

• Build/design a home

• Be bold (…I’m still learning this one)

• Become comfortable with tears

A Little Spruce Tree

2006-06-23T20:09:00.000-04:00

A mighty wind has blown me across this continent and up Hwy 97 to my hometown of Prince George, the White-Spruce Capital of the World. It feels good to be home. It is reassuring to know that I can go out into the world, allow myself to be altered by many formative experiences, yet I am able to return to a place where change is much slower and family is a constant.

I am a little spruce tree, and my roots run deep into this clay soil.

Perhaps you can relate to a hometown or a place where you can return and be reminded of the past (if you live in the same city that you grew up, perhaps this place is a yearly vacation spot, or an old neighborhood). We have places in our lives that hold history, for me, Prince George is a forest of memories.

When I return, there is often a process of taking stock of what I have been through since my last visit. What have I accomplished? Who have I met? Where have I traveled or wandered through? How have I allowed the world to change me, and more importantly, do I like the changes? It is an opportunity to witness personal growth and evolution as I compare the person I am today to younger versions of myself.

One great way of doing that is how I engage with my family. There have been times when I have returned and have been bit temperamental (to put it frankly, I was a bitch). Other times I have been withdrawn and distant. These days, with the exception of an occasional mood swing, I find that I am able to be much more present. I am more interested in engaging in a way that is beneficial to the overall climate of my family system.

What does this mean? It means knowing when to challenge and when to accept, when to speak out and when to keep my mouth shut, when to step up to lend a hand and when to take the time I need for myself. It is a knowledge of what is desired from my loved-ones, while keeping in mind what I need to do for myself so that I am able to be of service to them. For me, this is much of the essence of maintain healthy relationships.

In theory it sounds lovely, in actuality it can be quite challenging.

So the choices I made a couple of weeks ago have allowed me to return to familiar soil. I am satisfied with my decision and the opportunities it has granted me: I like being home, I like the fact that I can have time and space to reconnect with family and self, I like the large sky of northern BC.

It has been six months since my last visit and my time away from this home has left me a bit older, more experienced, perhaps even a bit wiser. And I will leave here feeling rested, and ready to allow myself to be challenged, pushed, and formed again. I have learned that the world grants much opportunity to experience and develop; I just have to be willing to grow.

Luckily, spruce trees are meant to grow.

Safe and Sound

2006-06-16T14:45:00.000-04:00

After five days and 5000 km's, we have arrived in Vancouver.

We have been extremely fortunate to have good weather and no automotive problems! For those who were curious, we took the interstate highway (I-94) across the northern USA, visiting nine states in five days. It was a really beautiful drive... I would go as far as saying that it was more beautiful than the Canadian route (Highway 1). I am inspired to go back.

More highlights:

• The Badlands of North Dakota

• A slow sinking sun over the Montana prairies

• Dramatic storms and epic mountains of the Continental Divide

• Talking to the locals... I have never met so many friendly people

I wish I had more time to ramble on and on about it, but unfortunately I'm a bit pressed. Stay tuned for some video footage of the trip. We did a video journal each day, and I hope to share some of that.

I'll leave with some photos of the landscape that we saw (photos stolen, but accurate representations):