Drag queens not included... or why I'm sort of a bastard

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For someone who’s supposed to be benevolent, I’m sort of a bastard.

The thing is, I am a judger. I am constantly forming opinions of people upon superficial qualities. I am assessing, deliberating, and drawing conclusions based on limited information. I wield these personal opinions and evaluations like a samurai fighting a gaggle of military aristocracy – sometimes stealth and subversive, sometimes explicit and confrontational. My judgments are often deadly, and sometimes the innocent fall victim to my condemning sword. But I was not always like this.

As a youngster I received many messages saying, “Never judge a book by its cover” and “Walk a mile in another person’s shoes”, and for years I aspired to embody nonjudgmental behaviour. I would scold my parents anything remotely resembling a generalization, and I would play devils advocate whenever I heard friends make unfair comments. For instance, “Maybe the guy driving the Hummer cut you off because he’s racing to the hospital to see his mother who only has minutes left to live after impaling herself during a freaky quilting accident. Did you ever consider that?”

In my quest to exemplify “nonjudgmentalism”, I would challenge and argue and advocate for the person who (for whichever reason) could not be there to defend for his or her self. How did I become such an eager ally to people I did not know? How did I not end up in Law School? Or more importantly, how the hell did I get so self-righteous?

As I transferred into my twenties, I increasingly became involved in my communities, where the primary prerequisite to any volunteer positions was the art of nonjudgmentalism. I would align myself with an organization (and its mission) to provide a service that improves the livelihoods of clients. The “Harm-Reduction” model implies (amoung other things) that I can’t reduce the transmission of HIV if I judge the choices of injection drug users. I can’t help single, teenage mothers if I am criticizing their behaviour. I learned that if I wanted to be of service to my world, I’d have to retire my judgments.

But I’ve come out of retirement.

Although I still enjoy a good argument (as I did when I was a kid) and I definitely believe in a Harm-Reduction model of prevention, these days I often catch myself making potentially dangerous judgments that teeter between careful consideration and uninformed opinion. It is a very thin line, I’ve discovered.

For example, we had a guest speaker recently in one of my classes. Within seconds I had dismissed the credibility of this person based primarily upon the way she presented herself stylistically. She wore a purple dress suit, cut high above her knees, with shoulder pads and gold jewelry (circa 1983). Her face was painted thick with make-up, while her hair was dyed and spiked, like she had stepped out of a wind tunnel. Plainly stated, I thought she was tacky and out of touch with any sort of reality of which I was familiar. I quickly inferred that we would have conflicting values; it was a judgment based upon superficial attributes.

In theory, I would be open to what she was saying. Instead I found myself blocked by my own perceptions and proceeded to tune out completely. The voice of a younger version of myself now creeps into my head and says, “Daniel, perhaps this woman could have taught you something, if only you would have paid attention”. At which point I respond and say, “But did you see her eye-shadow? How could I possibly trust someone like that (Drag queens not included)?” Perhaps I could have learned something from this woman, but now I’ll never know.

Although I still value a nonjudgmental approach to living my life, I also believe in the importance of critical thinking. Yet these concepts border on being conflicting values. Don’t I need to make some basic judgments if I am going to be critical? How would I critique art or society (or beer) if I did not make basic judgments? How does being evaluative or critical differ from being judgmental?

I guess the most important thing for me is to consider, is how much information I have for my judgments or evaluations. What is the basis of my judgments before I start getting all Zatoichi on friends and family? Do I have enough data to form a fair opinion on the strangers I meet everyday? Recognizing my levels of information, and making them explicit, before I unleash a judgment is a good place to start.

So heck, maybe I’m not such a bastard even if I do make judgments. Still, I think I’ll keep working on that “self-righteous” thing.

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