Season's Greetings!

Hello faithful readers of the "Little Spruce Tree",

I just wanted to wish everyone a happy holiday and prosperous new year... so I made a little holiday card via the wonders of technology.

I am going to be taking a bit of a break, and thus the Little Spruce Tree shall remain dormant for a couple of weeks. I'll be back in the new year with more introspective and humourous ramblings... so stay tuned!

Thanks for making the Little Spruce Tree the most popular blog done by a coniferous, replanted tree.

All the best.

db

The Little Spruce Tree presents...

Deck the halls with consumerism,
‘Tis the season to be excessively wasteful!

And so the song could continue. But I am not here to shit on Christmas (or Hanukkah for that matter) – I actually enjoy the holidays (for the most part). I get to visit my family, see the sparkling lights, and contentedly sip on dark rum and soy-nog while belting out an off-key version of “I Saw Grandpa Kissing Santa Clause”. Oh, the memories.

However, I think it’s time for our holiday celebrations to evolve a bit. So The Little Spruce Tree is going to give you some hip ideas for gifts and traditions that are both environmentally friendly and low cost.

First up, for Christ’s sake (literally), let’s not run out there and chop down another “little spruce tree” to use for a couple of weeks and throw to the curb. How efficient is the use of land to cultivate trees that are used for a month? Instead, what about going to a second hand shop and finding a previously loved artificial tree? And for those who are addicted to the smell of spruce, perhaps you could go to a gardening center and by a potted spruce tree. Keep it around until the spring then ask local officials if you can plant it in a school or park.

Next, let’s think outside the box for gift-giving. Does your mother really need the latest “Il Divo” CD? Would your lover really use another butt-plug? Could your muscle-head brother live without an additional pair of blue-steel spandex shorts? If you’re like me, then some of the greatest gifts that you have given and received weren’t even “things”.

Gifts from the heart are always remembered. Homemade cards are more personal. A batch of cookies or a certificate for a 30-minute massage (that you administer yourself) cost next to nothing. Concert or theatre tickets take up less space in a landfill then the “George Foreman Grill”. A three-month pass to a yoga studio is a gift of health and fitness (but be forewarned: high risk of the “Are you saying I’m fat?” response).

But seriously, what if we were to give “experiences” as opposed to “objects”?

There is more you can do to have yourself a “Merry Little (alternative) Christmas”. Why not bundle your gifts in colourful old newsprint instead of buying glossy wrapping paper? Nothing says “I Love You” like some organic date squares wrapped in the “opinions” section of The Link. How about supporting your local farmers and buying a free-range, hormone-free turkey? And if you are hooked on the idea of a physical gift, there are affordable, sweatshop-free clothes available at "Blank" (www.wearblank.com) on St.Laurent Blvd and lovely smelling, enviro-friendly beauty products at various health food stores across the city. Alternative holiday gifts are the best thing since Rudolph switched to an energy efficient red nose.

But what do you give that person who has everything?

Well how about helping this individual become carbon-neutral. That’s right, there are organizations out there that are trying to off-set our environmental slothfulness through international sustainability projects. A “Clean Air Pass” is one option to neutralize the negative effects of your auto or home. The money goes towards an emission trading system to meet Kyoto protocol, and you get a sticker for your car saying that you are carbon-neutral. Remember, however, this is not a permit to pollute! (www.cleanairpass.com)

Or you could simply express your affection for loved ones by giving in their honour. There are countless community organizations that would be thrilled to receive a holiday donation. Think globally, act locally.



Finally, if you’re like myself and will be jet-setting for the holidays, why not think about neutralizing your emissions? I paid $15.44 to Offsetters (www.offsetters.ca) to be carbon-neutral for my trip to the popular holiday destination of Prince George, BC.



So whether you are homaging Hanukah, cajoling Christ, or celebrating Santa, I hope the holidays bring you time with those that you care for, as well as a bit of rest and recuperation. But before you get all buck-wild with the credit card, remember that there are some options out there to make your holidays low-cost and environmentally friendly.

May your holidays be white (and green)!

World AIDS Day

December 1st is World AIDS Day. So take a moment to tie on a red ribbon and remember the impact that HIV/AIDS is having on your community and your globe.

I thought it would be appropriate to share the video that brought many of us to tears at the Toronto International AIDS Conference this summer. Feel free to read back on some of the reports that I sent out from the conference (August 2006 archives).

Of mice and men...

I don’t eat meat for many reasons; one of them being that I do not enjoy the thought of any animal being subjected to cruel conditions. Yet, I recently psychologically damaged, then mutilated, suffocated, and froze two defenseless creatures until they slowly died from their inflicted torture.

And I swear to god, it was all unintentional.

In late October my apartment was abandoned for two days. Outside the weather was turning chilly, making the living room an attractive living space for a rodent. In this case, it was two field mice looking for a warmer place to past the winter.

When the first mouse scurry across my foot, there was a very specific sensation - it was a raw feeling of being invaded. My primal instincts exploded in a need to guard my territory from vermin invaders. This was after I stopped screaming like a drag queen on a roller coaster, and got down from the chair I had jumped on.

I immediately began to rationalize with myself, “It’s just a little mouse. The poor guy is probably scared shitless”. A day later, I found out he was not scared shitless as I discovered little brown nuggets of “hey jerkwad, I’m eating your food and checking my email while you’re trudging to class” dribbled around my bowl of almonds and peppering my dish-drying rack.

That’s right, Mr. & Mrs. Mouse were munching on my nuts and pooing in my apartment.

And so the war began. At first I had idealized notions of an ethical “catch n’ release” intervention, where the little cheeky bastards could be displaced to a new, happy home deep within Parc Mont-Royal. But sightings began to occur at an alarming frequency; time became of the essence. I became motivated by rodent rage.

I obtained some spring-loaded snap traps, and with utmost delicacy (to avoid losing a finger), I laced them with peanut butter and loaded the hinges. I waited with “baited” breath. A day later, the peanut butter was skillfully snacked without activating the trap.

I shook my fist in the air, “Foiled!”

Upon consultation with my landlord, I was recommended a second type of trap. This time it was a little sticky mat, where the mouse would walk and get stuck in a small pit of goop. “Perfect,” I thought, now I can catch them, gently coax them off the mat, and take them to the mountain where they can spend their lives eating fresh maple leaves, watching hazy sunsets, and laughing at the medieval Sunday swordsmen.

I put the traps out and within ten minutes I had caught two mice.

And this is where it got ugly. I discovered quickly that these great little “sticky mats” were actually vats of extra strength crazy-glue, and coaxing them off turned into a feat of limb-dislocating persecution. The instructions on the box told me to apply a bit of vegetable oil to aid in the processes. I did. It didn’t help. The emotional agony of prying the mice off the cement mats, which I experienced, was minimal compared to the squeaks of suffering expressed by my fellow creatures. A wave of nausea came over me.

After separating the mice from the mats, I placed them in a bucket with a plate on top (to prevent escapes), and put them on my porch; they were jumping around, trying to escape. I saw this as a good sign. I gave myself an hour to recover emotionally and attempt to convince myself that I wasn’t a monster.

But when I returned, I found was two cold, oil-covered, rodent corpses – I had killed them.

Perhaps I should have thought about the cold autumn temperatures, or that the plate was blocking any fresh air into the bucket. Perhaps I could have researched more ethical ways to catch mice. Perhaps I could have borrowed my neighbor’s cat. But, unfortunately, these little gems of wisdom never crossed my mind.

Now, I am not especially proud of my actions. My ideal was simply to catch the mice and release them in a more “mouse-friendly” space, yet what ensued was a mouse holocaust. I guess sometimes the purest of intentions can lead us to unintentional results. But, as the saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions".

Unfortunately in this case it was paved with intense crazy-glue.





Trust me, there are better options out there...

November 24th - Thou Shall Not Buy

"Buy Nothing Day is an informal day of protest against consumerism observed by social activists. It was founded by Vancouver artist Ted Dave and subsequently promoted by the Canadian Adbusters magazine. Participants refrain from purchasing anything for 24 hours in a concentrated display of consumer power. The event is intended to raise awareness of what some see as the wasteful consumption habits of First World countries. Activists may also participate in culture jamming activities like the Whirl-Mart and other forms of radical expression. It is also used to protest materialism and bandwagon appeals."

-Wikipedia





Click Here to find out more!

The Little Spruce Tree (a column)

Yee-haw! It's official. I am the newest columnist for "The Link", which is the student paper at Concordia University. It is read by at least 13 people worldwide. Next stop, "The Globe and Mail"... eat my dust Leah McLaren!

So here's my first column. It is simply an introduction to how The Little Spruce Tree started to grow. Hope you like it!

* * * *

By Dan Baylis

Welcome to the first entry of The Little Spruce Tree.

Actually, that’s a lie. Ten words into my first column and I’m already lying… shit. The truth is that The Little Spruce Tree originated almost a year ago on a chilly winter’s morning. I had a huge assignment due and I desperately needed something to help me procrastinate...

keep reading...

A day to remember

This week saw some specific events in regards to one of the world's largest conflicts. In a matter of 4 days, one the most famous dictators was sentenced to death, the most powerful nation in the world witnessed its own power shift, and the man who planned the American attack on Iraq was sacked. Some may say that the tide has shifted. Has it?

On the home front, Canada continues to send soldiers to Afghanistan. We hear on a weekly basis of soldiers "fallen" in the line of duty, yet how does this affect us? Personally, I find that my reaction is becoming more and more blasé... and that is somewhat disheartening.

What is your experience? Are you angry, supportive, or apathetic? Are we helping or hindering in Afghanistan?

Please Comment.

Let us pray...

Today is Sunday, also known as "God's Day"... so in honour of a poor evangelical Priest being exposed for drug-fueled sexual exploits with a male sex worker (oh the beautiful irony), I have summoned the help of my good friend J-Chris. It's a sad day when a man of God can't get some crystal meth and a blow job without losing his job.

But fret not dear Mr. Haggard, you will survive...

Hibernation (two)

There is a time for everything to sleep. The trees will shed their leaves, and the sap, which runs through the branches, will be still. The bears will fill their bellies, and then find burrows to sleep the winter through. The ground will freeze, the insects will hide, and the sun will cast long, dreary shadows across snow covered parks. We live in a country with four specific seasons, and the season of sleeping is on its way.

Yet how many of us actually take the winter to hibernate? Are the days of reaping the harvest, and then sitting back for a winter of reading, wood whittling, and knitting all but through? Is it even realistic to think that winters are for resting anymore? Sadly, I think we are losing our slumber season.

What has replaced the once unifying Canadian winter-imposed pause is a year that has less notable differentiation. These days, our Canadian identity is less weather based; perhaps we relate more to each other through our deadlines and commitments. We have got jobs to go to, books to study, children to raise, holiday presents to find, and bodies to keep fit. For many of us, slowing down in the winter is as likely as finding wildflowers in February.


Our increasing culture of “doing” instead of “being” leaves me slightly concerned about the lack of time for resting, reflection, and rejuvenation. Without long periods of quietude or isolation imposed upon us, how many of us will actually go out of our way to create this space? And what is the value of having it? The time to be still, ideally, leads to the opportunity for introspection, and the value of introspection should not be overlooked.

Introspection is a commodity that seems to be in scarce supply these days. If, as a species, we valued the process of contemplation (examining one’s own thoughts, emotions, and actions), I wonder how our current state would be different? Would we be healthier? Would we approach conflict differently? How would we treat our natural surroundings? I hypothesize that a global increase in individual introspection would lead to a decrease in public health pandemics, international conflicts, and earth-threatening environmental issues.

Indeed, it is a big leap from hibernation to world peace. I do realize this. Yet when I take it down a notch, the essence of the logic rings an opus of truth: introspection inevitably leads to improvement. It is incredibly intrinsic. It is incredibly simple.

And even if a period of rest does not lead to existential examination, there are the benefits of recharging energy levels, of having quiet time with loved ones, and of watching snowflakes fall on windowsills. A wise society values introspection and stillness.

So as winter approaches, we will wrap ourselves in thick layers of scarves, toques, and mittens to fight the cold. Jack Frost will tell us to stay inside to rest, and chances are we probably will not listen. But before we battle the blizzards and penetrating cold, perhaps you could take a minute to ask yourself, “How will I create stillness for myself this winter?”

…And alas, you will have already become more introspective.

Hibernation (one)

Real Beauty

This is a short video done by a major beauty corporation. I am not really interested in promoting "DOVE", but I do think the advertising campaign that they have created straddles the line between marketing and social change.
Fascinating.




What is real beauty to you?

Please comment.

A Short history on fire

So there is always news about the craziest developments in technology: we’ve got cell phones with cameras, cameras with computers, and iPods the size of garlic cloves. IPods are actually getting so small that a friend of mine mistakenly ate his iPod as he was shoveling his mouth full of beef stroganoff in the Loyola cafeteria. I kid you not, he was burping Justin Timberlake for days. He brought sexy back… repeatedly.

But seriously, we are a culture that is obsessed with technology. In fact, as I sit here writing this article on my laptop, I am currently chatting on MSN Messenger, talking to my mother on the phone, watching kangaroos breed on the discovery channel, and baking blueberry oatbran muffins in my new laser toaster oven. Thankfully, technology lets me be in seven places at once so that my life can be simpler.

Really, what is hotter than technology these days?

Answer: Fire.

No, literally… fire is pretty hot. And with all this talk of electronic devises and “fuel efficient” cars, I think that we are to quick to forget the importance of this combustion phenomenon. Ever tried to roast a marshmallow without a fire? Hmm… didn’t think so. Ever tried to burn down the Whitehouse without a torch? Bet it was tough. Fire could be the most important discovery to man since oxygen.

Interestingly, a woman named A.Furchin invented the orange stuff by chance back in the year 73 865 BC when she was attempting to destroy her husband’s erotic stone tablets. A spark flew from a piece of flint and burnt down her cave. Furchin went on to be credited for the first loaf of bread and kiln roasted pottery, as well as the catalyst for a movement towards more discreet pornography.

And you thought fire came from dragons! (Ah, the naivety warms my heart.)

As humans began to incorporate fire into their lives, it was primarily used to heat the inside of small dwellings, to flame-broil wooly mammoth steaks, and to send smoke signals to distant clans. Throughout the years the purpose of fire diversified, such as conveniently incinerating witches and helping the romantically retarded to seduce potential lovers via the delicate dim of candlelight. Finally, today we use fire to light bongs, as a symbol that “the tribe has spoken”, and to destroy middle-eastern oil rich countries. Fire has helped us evolve to the highly intellectual race of humans that we are today.

So as we celebrate the latest in gizmos, widgets, and thing-a-ma-bobs, let us remember the spark that created the technological era. It’s the turning of the ignition, it’s everybody’s favourite little combo of heat, oxygen, & fuel, and it’s that little flame burning in your soul. It’s fire… and it’s the coolest technology out there.

* * *

Endnote: You heard it here first… fire is hotter than Kim Jong-Il’s sunglasses this fall! Smoke signals will be the new text-message.

Ode to a special soul...

Queer Issues

This week was the annual "Queer Issue" with the newspaper that I write for (The Link), and like an eager little gay journalist, I submitted two articles... and they were both published!

The first was a collaborative effort with my boyfriend, Tim. It is essentially a discussion that we have frequently had over the labels that we give ourselves. And the second article is an exploration of why it is problematic to equate "Gay" and "AIDS".

Anyway, I hope you take the time to click on the links, read, and let me know what you think!


* * * *

Designer Labels

Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, two-spirited, queer, dyke, byke, fag, twink, gym bunny, leather daddy, lipstick lesbian, tranny, bear, cub, alti-queer, homosexual, heteroflexible--this list could go on. We are a community that is obsessed with not only identity, but labelling our identities. Choosing a label is a personal process, reflects individual values, and can often incorporate a myriad of sub-identities.

Two boys, with similar backgrounds, education, upbringing, and appreciation for everything fabulous, can fundamentally disagree on the labels they prefer. Risking relationship bliss, the boyfriends duke it out to defend the label of their choice...


Continue here: Designer Labels


* * * *


World Without AIDS

This summer I was privileged to attend the International AIDS Conference in Toronto. The conference coincided sadly, yet appropriately, with the 25th anniversary of the start of the pandemic. In terms of a global health pandemic, twenty-five years is a long time. The gravity of this longevity is augmented by the fact that there is no apparent end in sight--millions of human lives have already been lost and many more continue to be lost by a preventable virus.

Coincidentally, I am 25 years old; this means that I have never known a world without AIDS...


Continue here: World Without AIDS

What comes next... you bust a move

Now that winter is on the way, it is inevitable that we head inside a bit more.

And do you know what is indoors? Yup... dance parties.

So if you are feeling the need to spruce up your moves in order to bag that certain hottie that you've had your eye on, then finally, help is here.

Go get'em tigers!

Is it time to cell my soul?

It is an unassuming Tuesday afternoon, and you are sitting in your new Philosophy class: Introduction to Ethics. The professor has the class in the palm of her hand as she elicits existential questions from deep within your brain. She pauses for a moment to let you think about moral principles, when suddenly an invasive melody springs from the purse of the Nicole-Ritchie-look-alike in the back row.

The air is filled with a synthesized ringing of “Don’t Cha” by the Pussycat Dolls, followed by “yeah, I’m in class right now… I’ll meet you at Starbucks in 20 minutes”. Meanwhile, the whole class has turned to look, the professor has lost her train of thought, and cell-phone girl is applying her lip-gloss as if nothing has happened.

Am I the only person who wants to rip the blonde hair extensions off this girl and force a milkshake down her fake-tan-face so that she’ll have enough calories to comprehend that her cell-phone is completely obnoxious?

This is the ugly side of the cellular era. When owning a portable phone, we suddenly become accessible virtually everywhere - which leaves many people mistakenly thinking that they are somehow important. Talking to your mom or boyfriend does not make you the Dalai Lama.

One reason that cell-phones are problematic is that our culture has yet to establish concrete and appropriate norms when it comes to usage. Is it okay to use a cellular while in a public bathroom? Is it safe to drive and talk? Is it rude to be chatting on a cell-phone while ordering a latte? Is it really that wrong to send a quick text-message while sitting in class? If you have ever wondered if your cellular behaviour is questionable, then chances are it is.

Yet despite my obvious distaste for cellular culture, the time has come for me to consider the benefits of a cellular lifestyle. I am a busy guy with school, work, projects, and relationships to tend to; at times, a cell-phone would simplify communication and overall efficiency. But don’t get me wrong, I have no delusions of grandeur… I realize how highly unimportant I am.

So if I choose to sign my life away to some corporate contract, how do I remain as un-repugnant as possible? Is there some cellular code-of-conduct out there that I can use as a moral beacon? Unfortunately, I am afraid that I will be walking unguided through the mobile maze. But remembering to turn off the cell phone while in a lecture, lab, or tutorial will be a good place to start.

And as for those repeated classroom cell-phone offenders, I think Professors should start implementing stricter cell-phone policy. For example, they could propose that those individuals who have “cellular episodes” in class should be responsible for buying beer for the entire class at the end of the semester. Classmates would be sure to hold the guilty people accountable for their air-headed actions.

I just hope that I won’t be the schmuck buying beer for his class.

Your friendly neighborhood alternative medicine guru at your service...

I thought I would post something a bit lighter today. And everybody loves a personality test! How did they know that I have "complex, deep feelings"? It's like they read straight into my soul...

"This is like totally trippy man" (inserted with a surfer boy accent of course)

Anyway, let me know the deep dark secrets of your personality.

You Are An INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What's Your Personality Type?

To Montrealers...

“Where were you when…?”

This is often the question that surfaces when shocking events strike our lives – when the planes crashed into the twin towers, when the tsunami wrecked havoc on south east Asia, when the London Tube was bombed. What were you doing? How did you find out? What was your reaction? Large-scale events have haunting implications, and many of us are now suddenly connected in a way that we previously were not. If you were in Montreal on the 13th of September 2006, whether you are my friend or if we are strangers, we now share a similar experience. Often we create or maintain these connections through a process of sharing personal accounts and experiences.

If you could be so patient as to grant me a moment to briefly share my story, perhaps you will echo some of the sentiments…

* * *

I was sitting a home, typing up a cheeky article for The Link when my friend called me from Vancouver to make sure that I was okay. At first I was confused, but she quickly informed me about the news that she had heard, and I was on the CBC website within seconds. I was shocked. The first report that I accessed told me that six people were dead, with countless wounded. I immediately thought of my friend who studies nursing at Dawson, and I dialed his cell-phone to check in.

Fuck, no answer.

I turned on the radio, hooked up the dusty TV, and refreshed the news websites every minute to get more information. I wanted to go down to Dawson, but all reports told me to stay away. I felt powerless; there never seemed to be enough information. Finally, an email arrived from my friend telling me that he was okay. He was in the cafeteria when the shootings happened, but managed to hideout in a classroom until police came to assist in an evacuation.

I had a surge of emotion – mostly tears of relief, but also laced with anger that a friend was forced to experience such violence at a close proximity. There was also a knowledge that, despite the fact that my friend was safe, the reality of what had happened was still unchanged.

The day continued with minor news updates and a resonating sense of confusion. Friends and family from different parts of Canada called and emailed to check in, less out of fear that I had been physically harmed, but more to get a sense of the chaos in Montreal. I gave them what information I had – I told them that we were shocked and saddened and would need time to process.

* * *

Days later, I think I am still confused, but much of my anger is beginning to change into forms of compassion and/or sympathy. Like so many of us, I have wondered what could possibly motivate someone to act in such a horrific way. Yet, I am also sad for this young, violent man, who apparently slipped through the cracks of our communal ability to care for one another. I grieve for our disconnected cultural system, a system that often isolates instead of includes. I wonder what our process would look like, as a human race, to be able to prevent such events before they occur.

But before we can analyze, first we must grieve: as individuals, as a student body, as a city, and as a society. I hope we are able to go through this recovery process completely - if we felt fear, then to feel safe again; if we are angry, then a chance to express; if we are confused, then perhaps some frame of resolution. When we have returned to a sense of normalcy, it will be time to be critical about what has occurred.

So as we recover, I hope that you get the chance to share, to tell your story. Where were you when you found out about the shootings? How did you react? What sort of impact will this event have on you? Keep speaking of your truths - and let’s move forward as a system that is connected and that cares for each of its irreplaceable parts.

Graphing the Glory

Sometimes after a time of goodness in our lives, there is a space where we are without direction or orientation. It comes when we return from inspired travels to a dusty apartment, and are unsure what to do next with ourselves; when we graduate, and there are no employers knocking at our doors; when race-day finally arrives, we run as fast as we can, and then wake-up the next morning to sore legs; when the sun has set in an opus of breathtaking colours, and we must find our way back from the beach in the dark. In each of these instances, the goal has been achieved, but what happens next is often unclear.

The time after the glory is fascinating… and potentially scary.




For myself, a linear question that often accompanies reflections of happy times is- must every high point be followed by a low point? In other words, if we are to experience adventure and joy and achievement, is it logical that there will be a slope going back down afterwards? And if so, how do we manage these times?

I ponder these thoughts because I have just had “the summer of my life”. It was incredibly great for many reasons: adventure, romance, education, and the visa bills to prove it all. So according to my motley theory of karmatic emotional equilibrium, I should be experiencing a major mood crash any day now. By the weekend, I should be listening to old-school country music, drinkin’ Jack Daniel’s out of a Dollarama mug, and recounting exaggerated tales of the dog days of summer.

However, mercifully it has yet to happen, and knock on wood, I think that I just might be in the clear. The trick has been to set my eyes on new potential highs and to start climbing towards them. Somehow, for me, knowing that I am building towards a goal or ambition can be as fulfilling as achieving it.

So if you are one of the many people experiencing the pandemic of post-summer depression, leaving you daydreaming in class, staring out the windows, and wondering if afternoons in the park are all but a fading memory. If you are forcing yourself to meander up the mountain, plan a picnic, and squeeze in a siesta, all in a desperate attempt to maintain the fair-weather high that keeps the winter blues at bay… know that you are not alone. I too am avoiding the valley of after-glory lows. But next summer is only a winter away, and it’s never too early to start pondering new projects and thinking about taller mountains to climb.

beating my best

This morning I rolled myself out of bed at 7am (keeping in mind that it is a Sunday) and headed for the starting line of the 10km race that I had so masochistically enforced upon myself. I am a sucker for self punishment.

Actually, now that I've started running races, it has become a continual competition with myself to beat my "PB" (personal best). Each race is a chance to be better, a chance to kick my own ass, and then a chance to gloat about it in my journal.

My PB for the ten kilometer distance was established last year at 42 minutes. Not bad... but I knew I could do better. So this morning, inspired by the tightness of my new retro-knee-high socks, I set out to enter the "thirties". I wanted a score below 40 minutes.

The race was long, with a strong sensation to vomit around the 8km mark, but I managed to keep the bile in my stomach. I entered the Olympic Stadium (the site of the finish line) to the cheers of Tim and Betty-Lou, which inspired me to push harder. Upon rounding the last corner, I saw the clock above the finish line... it read 39 minutes, 45 seconds. So with 100 meters to go, I gave it my all, crossing the line as the clock turned to 40 minutes.

So did I get my below 40 time?

Well I verified my time a couple hours ago, and I am proud to announce that my new PB is 39:59.6... Yeehaw! Yup, I snuck in with 0.4 seconds to spare.

I would like to dedicate my race to irony and individuality. There was a tragic lack of representation of disheveled retro runners with short-shorts, head bands, and tube socks...

If I am going to beat myself, I am going to kick my ass with style.

Success is...

A couple of weeks ago, I went camping by myself to have some time to reflect over the priorities in my life. Although no life-altering epiphanies occured, I did manage to map out the coming months. One committment that I have made is to write regular articles for the university newspaper, The Link.

As you are aware, I love to write and what better way to access more readers than through a free newspaper. So everything that I write for The Link, whether they accept the articles or not, will be posted here.

My first one was accepted... yippee! Here it is.





Welcome back to school, kids. If this is your first semester, then I hope Concordia turns out to be everything that you had expected. If this is your last semester, then I hope it passes with minimal stress, and that you smoothly transition onto whatever awaits you next.

No matter who you are, chances are that you are here at university to prepare yourself for some sort of career or place within the “real world”. Is that not what post-secondary school is all about, to groom us into intellects and capable businessmen, nurses, and scientists? Within the walls of this institution we shall be taught to be “successful” human beings.

But what is success anyway?

For some of us, it will include achieving good grades and graduating at the top of our classes. For others it will be making new friends, balancing a 40-hour workweek with classes, or managing to not vomit after shot-gunning that ninth beer during orientation week. Whatever success is, it will be surely measured in a truly personal way.

Despite previous post-secondary experiences, when I started at Concordia last year, I have to admit that I was somewhat nervous. I received many invitations from the Student Success Center to partake in pre-semester tours, First-Year student seminars, and the “College Student Inventory™” (or CSI for short). It became evident that the folks at the Student Success Center really wanted me to succeed.

I went ahead and did the CSI, half out of a desire to “succeed” and half out of a fear that if I skipped out, then fucked up at school, I would have only myself to blame. Upon completion, I was taken into a small, windowless room with a handful of seemingly delinquent Dawson College kids and advised to prepare myself for the hardships of university. I was in the big leagues now.




Interestingly, one of the recommendations from the CSI was to “Discuss attitude towards school with counselor”. I found this fascinating. According to my CSI results, I had supposed doubts about the value of a post-secondary education. They were absolutely right; the CSI had interrogated me, and I was guilty of a mild case of university apathy.

For myself, the idea of being a “successful” person was not linked to whether or not I completed university. Now don’t get me wrong, I am still here at school, writing papers and buying textbooks. I am investing in a university education because on some level I believe that it will be beneficial to my personal evolution. I also acknowledge that higher grades tend to equate further opportunity down the road. But there are many paths to personal success, and I think it is important to acknowledge that school is a valid choice, but not the only choice.

Ironically, as university has taught me to think critically, I have used these skills to be objective in regards to the very hand that feeds me. So if I could be so audacious as to pass on some unsolicited advice to you, it would be to think about success outside of the classroom. As you rack up the credits, pass countless hours researching in the library, and frantically cram for exams, try to keep a certain perspective. Try to remember that success could simply be the ability to step back and realize one’s worth regardless of the certificates, degrees, or doctorates that we receive at university.

Scheduled Enlightenment

Summertime... and the music is playing

So I spent the weekend in a tent out at Mont Orford (QC) where I got to climb a mountain, sit on beach, read a book, and think about the upcoming projects in my life. It was also an urgent attempt to appreciate the last offerings of summer before I am shackled to the textbooks of post-secondary education and the winter cold keeps me captive in my own home.

(ahem...) Sorry, I'm having a hard time letting go of the summer.

I am actually excited to about the refreshing coolness in the air, the desire to start cooking hearty fall dinners, and pulling out the big duvet from the closet and snuggling up. Fall is definitely my season.

But summer has been lovely and I've been privileged to do many a great thing.

So in honour of summer and the good times, I compiled a mix of some of the tunes that were my soundtrack for the past 4 months. I thought I'd make a bit of a (illegal) game of it and burn a few copies to give to those who wanted a fun little mix CD. Don't hate me for pirating music... hopefully it will inspire you to go and support the artists that you love.




MIX06

Be (Common)
Inside and Out (Feist)
I Don't Know What I Can Save You From (Kings Of Convenience)
Superstition (Stevie Wonder)
Neutroniks (k-os)
Keep on Movin' (?)
I'm So Excited (Le Tigre)
Lovers In The Backseat (Scissor Sisters)
Daybreaker (Beth Orton)
Rooftop Campers (Freeworm)
I Want You Back (The Jackson 5 )
Crazy (Gnarls Barkley)
Take The Long Way (Po' Girl)


So here's the deal... I will send a copy to the first five folks to leave a comment and tell me what your favourite part of the summer was. The beach? The martinis? A summer romance? Your brazilian wax?

Lookin' forward to hearing some of your stories...

happy harvesting :)

Links, Resources, and Images

I have recieved a couple of emails asking if it would be okay to share this blog with other people. My answer is ABSOLUTELY... the more people that read "The Little Spruce Tree", the happier I am. This is a space where I share my public thoughts and I encourage people to comment and dialogue on the subjects that I write about.

So please, forward friends and family the address to the blog, or add me as a link to your blog, or create a stylish publicity campaign to target all internet users on a global level. Your choice.

* * *

So I've made it back to Montreal after a busy week in Toronto. There are still many thoughts circling around in my head about where to go from here, how I can have the biggest impact in the work that I do, who I would like to work with, and what I can be doing now to create opportunities in the future. It is important stuff.

Today however, I will not bore you with the details :) Instead, I wanted to post some resources, links, and images that could help to get the wheels turning in your brain and for us all to access information.



WEBSITES:


www.unaids.org

The United Nations: A great source for educating oneself on the global state of the pandemic, with information on how AIDS affects women, drug users, and young people.


www.cdnaids.ca

Canadian AIDS Society: A coalition of over 125 community-based AIDS service organizations across Canada. Also provides links to each organization, so it would be possible to gain information about what is going on in your community. The Walk for Life is on September 17th… who will you be marching with? Find out here!


www.actoronto.org

AIDS Committee of Toronto: Need a place to start? This is a good website to educate yourself on HIV/AIDS transmission, safer sex information, HIV/AIDS Statistics, and Women’s resources.


* * *

LECTURES:

I wanted to let people know that many of the lectures that were given at the Toronto AIDS conference are available as free podcasts on iTunes. Go to the ‘Music Store’, then podcasts, and search AIDS 2006. If you need some direction on where to start, let me know.

If you are without an MP3 player or iPod, then you can click here to access online streaming-audio access to the lectures at the conference, include speeches by Bill Gates, Bill Clinton, Stephen Lewis, and others. (http://www.kaisernetwork.org/aids2006/index.cfm).


* * *

EMAIL:

Let me also give you the email where you can contact the Prime Minister himself.

pm@pm.gc.ca or Harper.S@parl.gc.ca

I wrote Stevie a quick note yesterday asking for continued and reliable funding for the Global AIDS relief fund, as well as encouraging him to renew the licence for the Vancouver Safe injection site. I also invited him to join me at the "Walk For Life" on September 17th, it is a fundraiser for HIV/AIDS where people get pledged to walk. I'll keep you posted if I hear anything :)

Feel free to send an email and express your concerns… it is my belief that if people are vocal, then governments respond.


* * *

IMAGES:

Finally, I'd like to leave with some prevention campaign images that I have seen at the conference and on the internet. Please comment if you have any specific reactions or thoughts to what you see... what do you think works? what doesn't?

Friday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

And so it ends.

As mentioned yesterday, the conference wrapped up today with more speeches and summaries about what we have done over the past 5 days, and where we are headed. The highlight of the day, as to be expected, was listening to the charismatic and poignant words of Stephen Lewis (see Wednesday’s Report for more). He was rewarded with a standing ovation and an applause that lasted for five minutes. Also included in the ceremonies were a couple of short films, musical performances, and the ‘handing of the reins’ to Mexico City, who will play host in 2008. It was with mixed emotions that I left the conference center, and re-entered the world- a world where I am unforunately not constantly marinated in motivation and hope.

Because of this, I am already thinking of the logistics of getting myself to Mexico City in 2008.

One of the most thematic sentiments that has been expressed over the past few days is that HIV/AIDS is not just a health issue: it is an issue of gender inequity, of homophobia, of poverty, of human rights, of inadequate policy making, of racism. Those who are marginalized and stigmatized by society are statistically more vulnerable to the pandemic: sex workers, men who have sex with men, drug users, transgendered folk, and indigenous peoples.

There are interventions and preventions that proven to reduce the transmission of HIV. We need to support safe-injection sites for drug users. We need to use condoms when engaging in high-risk sexual activities, and continue to make them accessible to youth. We need to individually reflect upon the ways that we perpetuate gender inequalities and racism through the language we use, the politicians we elect, and the assumptions that we make. We need to decriminalize sex workers and provide them with access to health care and sexual health education.

We need to engage ALL populations in the process of policy making. The solutions are not going to come from privileged white males sitting around a conference table at a G-8 Summit meeting. We need to include HIV positive peoples in decision making… because people living with HIV are NOT the problem; they are the key to the solution.

We need action. We need to be given tangible directions and leadership. Let me help to get you started… here’s what you can do:

Write letters. Make your voice be heard. Volunteer. Challenge yourself to think about the ways that you perpetuate inequality. Give money. Educate yourself. VOTE! (and hold your politicians accountable for their promises… they serve to answer to us). Go to a Vigil. Read this blog. Ask questions. Support nurses and caregivers. Let yourself feel the injustice of HIV/AIDS- it can serve to fuel us. Have hope.

These are all proactive steps that can start today.

HIV/AIDS is completely preventable, yet the price of inaction is death. We are standing at the breaking point where the pandemic could go down in history as the greatest tragedy in human history. Or it could be remembered as the place in time where we pulled together to find solutions, where we learned the depths of our generousity, and where we realized that human life is the most precious commodity that we have.

* * *

Thank you for being a part of my week. I acknowledge, again, how truly blessed I am to have been a part of this experience, and I am fully willing to share it with you in whatever capacity I possibly can. It is because I have such wonderful people in my life that I am able to explore and challenge and reflect and give. I am here because of you.

Lots of love,

Daniel

Thursday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

I have just returned from the Vigil that was held to honour, remember, and celebrate the lives of those who have died. I am reminded of the sorrowful legacy that AIDS has created; I am reminded of the reality of the pandemic.

For the past four days I have been engaged in dialogue of prevention and human rights and sexuality and gender inequity, and as such it has been easy to not be effected by the grief, bereavement, and loss that is undeniably a part involved with AIDS support and caregiving. Tonight I am feeling it. Tonight I let the tears fall because I need a way to express my anger and sorrow. Anger that this is preventable, sorrow that it continues.

Let me not fool myself on human realities.

* * *

Today, I experienced the most resonating speech of the conference thus far. The words came from the mouth of a 21 year-old Jamaican girl who spoke on behalf of the youth contingent of the conference. At an early age she attended to her father who died of AIDS-related illnesses; this motivated her to start the first youth group in Jamaica to respond to the AIDS epidemic. This is an inspiring example of transforming devastation in creation; of taking the worst that life can give a person, and turning it into something that heals.

I am humbled and motivated by individuals like this. She spoke to a crowd of 5000 scientist, community workers, and activists with the wisdom and strength of a person far beyond her years, asking for the world to listen to the specific needs of youth. She had strong leadership skills… right now the world needs strong leaders.

So tomorrow is the last day of the AIDS conference and the closing ceremonies, with summaries, key-note addresses, and presentations to be made. It is coming at an appropriate time for myself, as I am growing weary, both cognitively and emotionally. It has been an intense five days thus far, and I will need some time to go through all the information that I have received and to reflect over how I can transfer the momentum of this experience forward. My participation in this conference has been a gift from the donors and supporters of the Canadian Scholarship Programme, and I would like to honour their generousity by paying forward with refreshed motivation and new knowledge.

My gratitude to those who give.


* * *

(The following is something I wrote a couple months ago. It is a reflection on not wanting to become de-sensitized to the harsher realities in which exist in my neighborhood, my country, my world. I think much of my human process has been fighting to keep myself sensitive, on keeping myself open. In light of the vigil and to honour the caregivers who have experienced the most painful part of the pandemic, I thought that today would be an appropriate time to share it…)



un-affect-able

life in the city
can be dehumanizing
the only way I survive
is to go inside my head

I don’t want to be come un-affect-able
I don’t want to become hard

I had fantasies of grandeur
of reconnection
of liberation

(but why?)

because when I step outside it is evident
I am not hard
but bend with warmth and time

and any fantasies in my head
are actualized
only when I realize
that life also gives moments of humanity.

Wednesday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

Stumbled out of bed late this morning after missing my alarm clock, then rushed to catch the subway, grab a refined-sugar breakfast (coffee and cinnamon bun), and make it to the Plenary Session… which I have to admit made me feel completely intellectually inferior. There was much pharmaceutical research-based talk of medicine and biology, and the social scientist in me was longing for some Human Rights or psychosocial based dialogue.

But, the flip side is that I am motivated to educate myself on the scientific/biological side of the pandemic. My work and interested has been focused around healing the spirit, but keeping the physical body alive is equally as important.

Why is so vital to keep people alive?

It seems like such a bizarre question to pose, but I think it is fascinating to explore. As a collective group of human beings we are far to numerous and we are doing far too much damage to sustain the rate that we are consuming and disposing. Some would argue that AIDS is nature’s way of controlling the population, a Darwinian reality of “survival of the fittest”, or even a punishment for those who are engaging in “immoral” behaviour.

I argue, however, that we as a species (with a conscience) will have failed if we do not care for each other in our time of immobility, poverty, and exhaustion. We will be able to hold our heads high in the future, if we can look back and be proud of our past. There is space for mistakes along the way, and these mistakes will teach us invaluable lessons, but I can guarantee that acting with compassion and empathy will lead to a future of wisdom, community, and pride. The most valuable commodity, in my option, is human life; we must fight to keep mothers alive to raise their children.

Today I am feeling especially inspired from listening to the wisdom of Dr. Stephen Lewis, he spoke tonight down at the Harbour Front. Dr. Lewis is a diplomat, humanitarian, and authour (“Race Against Time”) who is not afraid to speak of the gap between political vision and actual human realities. He is a powerful ally in the empowerment of woman and fights for funding for orphans who have lost their parents to AIDS. Listening to him speak is like a little bit of dark chocolate for my soul.

On a lighter note…

I have been doing a lot of filming while at the conference and have a little pipe-dream of making a short, 15-minute documentary about what I am experiencing in the Global Village, in my sessions, and in the halls. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to sit down and sort through the footage and do some editing… if it happens, then I would love the opportunity to share it with you!

Kisses!



More buzz words/concepts:

ARV’s – this is an acronym for Anti-RetroViral treatments. These are essentially the drugs that are needed to suppress the HIV within a person’s blood stream. Huge progress has been made in the past ten years in regards to allowing people to live with HIV… drug regiments used to include 17 pills per day, now the norm is 3 pills.

“3 by 5” – this is a goal that was set to have 3 million people in sub-saharan Africa on life saving anti-retroviral drugs by the year 2005. Unfortunately this goal was not met, but 1.6 million people currently have access to ARV treatment. To put this in context, there are 25 million people in Africa with HIV/AIDS.

Universal Access – the ultimate ideal in regards to enabling each human being access to drug therapies. The goal is to have universal access to medication by the year 2010. It is absolutely ludicrous in my mind to know that medication exists, but it will take another half decade before people can access it (drugs have patents, international policy blocks access, people move alarmingly slow sometimes).

Tuesday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

Day Two at the conference was equally as busy as Day One, but I was a bit more rested and had the stamina to be a bit more present for longer. Which is great because there is so much to do, so many ways to get my brain stimulated.

I started out with learning more about Microbicides! Hurray for giving women tools to protect themselves! So this lead to many thoughts about the ways that prevention of HIV can be delivered. I have to admit that I have been very centered on the idea that prevention should be based around promoting behavioural changes. For example, if an individual was having unprotected sex, then the behavioural change campaign targeting this person would often promote using condoms. However, this is based upon his/her partner’s compliance to do so.

Prevention in the form of a microbicide or vaccine could protect those who do not have the liberty to change their behaviour, such as sex workers (due to illiteracy, poverty, isolation, etc). Protecting sex workers is a vital form of preventing the spread of viruses and infections.

Another buzz around prevention is in regards to male circumcision. There has been a lower prevalence of infection rates amoungst men who have been circumcised. This lends itself to the physiology of foreskin, and its ability to provide an environment for the virus to survive for longer periods, thus making it more likely to enter the body.

However, I am concerned about the concept of circumcision as prevention. Circumcision is a form of body modification, and this decision should be left in the hands of the individual. I hesitate at the idea of widely promoting circumcision of newborns, because on a broad level it is a human rights violation.

There’s some food for thought.

In other news, I made a new friend today. He is a Buddhist monk from Laos, and he flew half way around the world to come to this conference for a week. I was sitting outside, taking a few moments to myself, and watching the clouds float by the CN tower (which was directly above me), when three monks walked by in their religious orange robes. I asked one of the monks if I could interview him on camera, and we got to talking about our experiences in HIV/AIDS work. His name was Somchit Phomthavong and he gave me his email so that we could keep in touch. Perhaps I will go to Laos for a visit.

Other highlights of the day include having lunch and circumcision conversation with my Step-mom (who will be leading an aboriginal-based talking circle tomorrow), protesting the claims made by “Globe & Mail” journalist Margaret Wente in today’s Editorial section (hugely problematic comments about gay men and immigrants), and watching sex workers perform in the Global Village (a performance called “Star Whores”… I hope it will become a trilogy).

Thanks for tuning in, it is great to come home after a long day and process all the information that I have been exposed to… this a great venue to do that and I am extremely happy if you are reading along.

Be well.

Monday's Report (Toronto AIDS Conference)

It’s Monday night and I’m enjoying some dark chocolate as I gather my thoughts and occasionally peer from my 14th floor dorm room. I can hear a gentle hum of 4 million people living their lives; I can see the TV’s illuminating the darkness of a hundred lonely apartments. Perhaps others can see me staring into this computer screen; perhaps they think I am lonely as well.

I am feeling incredibly NOT alone at the moment. By participating in this conference (on HIV/AIDS) I am surrounded by 30,000 people who have come from all corners of the world. This morning I was up at 6:30 am to head to the Women’s Rally & March when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I sleepily turned to see a woman from Nigeria asking me if I was heading to the rally as well. We walked and talked about our experience, involvement, and hopes in regards the HIV/AIDS field. I am finding myself immediately unified with people regardless of age, nationality, or HIV status.

It is also hard to feel alone when Barry White is singing “Stand By Me” to me… well myself and a couple thousand of my new friends. That’s right, the big, beautiful baritone himself kicked off the musical acts of last night’s Opening Ceremonies after a series of speeches by the Ontario Premier, the Mayor of Toronto, Bill & Melinda Gates, Alicia Keys, and Richard Gere (okay, now I’m just shamelessly name dropping). But it was a good party, so I have to gloat a bit… also on stage was Amanda Marshall, Blue Man Group, Chantal Kreviazuk, and Our Lady Peace. Okay, Okay… the name dropping is over.

I am sad to say that I cannot drop the name of our Prime Minister who apparently had more important things to do than address those committed souls who lead the way in solving the greatest health threat the world has ever know. You might have sensed some bitterness in this previous sentence. Personally, I find it embarrassing that we are hosting such a massive event and the Prime Minister does not have the conviction to attend. The Canadian delegates have made it clear that they are not happy about this; there have been consistently negative reactions whenever Mr. Harper’s name is distastefully ejected from the lips of speakers and social advocates.

So I had a big day today with rallies, forums, and wandering through booths that international organizations have set up. I am trying to pace myself though, because it would be easy to try to take in too much and burn out quickly. I am incredibly lucky to be here; I have pledged to make the most of it.

Goodnight Toronto, peaceful dreams.




Some buzz words/concepts that are immerging:

Stigmatization: refers to harsh disapproval of a behaviour or identity category that goes against a cultural norm or is perceived as deviant; stigma is linked to marginalization and ostricization. In the context of HIV/AIDS it is important to consider the realities that populations, who are vulnerable to the disease, are faced with. For example, if a sex worker is rejected by society how will this affect his/her abilities to make healthier sexual choices?

Microbicides: cutting edge preventative treatment for woman. A microbicide is a gel that a woman can insert in her vagina to kill foreign bacteria and viruses, including the HIV virus. Most microbicides are in the clinical testing stages, but many researchers and community workers believe that this is the future of HIV prevention. (I hope to make it to a lecture regarding this subject, as it is new information for myself).

Indivisibililty: a matrix approach to the concept of Human Rights, stating that it is impossible to separate the holistic reality of human rights… in regards to health, gender, religious, emotional, sexual rights, etc. Thos who are living with HIV have a right to be sexual.

ABC Model of Prevention:

Abstinence

Be Faithful

Condoms (use them)

This is the brainchild of the Bush Administration and is receiving much criticism from delegates (and rightfully so, in my option). Prevention models that stress abstinence are problematic in the fact that they ignore the innate human tendency to have sex. We like sex. We are going to have sex. Sex is not evil. Let’s be a bit more progressive with our prevention techniques.

En Route to Education... The XVI International AIDS Conference

I am currently on a train somewhere south of Kingston, en route to the Toronto International AIDS Conference. I am about to embark upon a week of workshops, protests, dialogues, and network building- all in regards to the global pandemic of HIV/AIDS. It is a professional and intellectual forum to the likes of which I have never engaged. I am both nervous and excited.

To give a little background information, my involvement in HIV/AIDS community work began three years ago when I moved to Montreal. I had known that I wanted to be involved with a movement to curtail the transmission of this virus; yet I was unsure where to begin. How does one just become a part of a movement? The answer was in the proverbial saying:

Think Globally. Act Locally.

So I found a community organization where I could volunteer my time (AIDS Community Care Montreal). I received training in support services: active listening, harm reduction, and managing depression. Throughout the following years, I spent time at the ACCM Drop-In Center, as well as volunteering one-on-one with clients who requested social support. I have had some very formative experiences and have been connected to a community of prevention and support; including meeting people who have become amazing friends.

Yet, it is easy for me to feel powerless in this “battle” of global proportions. The David and Goliath analogy would be sadly understating the massive beast that I would love to slay. But thankfully it’s not just me throwing stones at AIDS; there is a global community of affected and inspired leaders who have been fighting for the past two decades.

It is the silver lining- AIDS connects people.

This week I will have the privilege of listening to these leaders, asking them questions, and learning about their losses and triumphs. It is my hope that, throughout the coming years, I can help carry forward the momentum in which they have created. That I can be of service, and then as I gain knowledge and experience, I may be a source of education or leadership for others. It is about fitting myself into the system of prevention and support.

So as I try to take in as much information over the next week as humanly possible, I will also try to share what I am experiencing. I am making myself a point of access to those who are not able to attend the conference. So if you have questions in regards to HIV/AIDS, both locally or globally, feel free to ask (you can post in the comments section, with your name or anonymously). If I don’t have an answer, then I will keep asking until I get one. And if you don’t have a question, then keep your ears opened to the news that is coming from the conference. The world currently has its eyes on Toronto; it’s the perfect opportunity to learn about the biggest health issue of our time.

Adventures in Wireless

So before the summer ends and I lose track of all the crazy adventures I've had this summer, I just wanted to share one of the "special moments" from my road trip this summer.

The scene is in suburban North Dakota on a cloudy Tuesday afternoon, as three ambitious Canadians try to steal wireless access from the unsuspecting Americans. I managed to post a blog (see "One Night in Fargo", June 13th) and send out some emails before the unexpected happened...

Anyway, hope you get a chuckle.

Let the games be remembered...

(sigh...)

What a week I have had.

The OutGames has been amazing and entertaining and heartwarming and draining and fun. The opening ceremonies was a blast, it was an intense and emotional experience to be entering the Montreal Olympic Stadium with 10 000 athletes and artists from 111 different countries. Also a privilege to be part of the "hometown" contingent of Team Montreal... there were loud cheers from us proud queers.

My sport was volleyball. We played hard and placed 5th out of 16 teams. There were teams from Brazil, Thailand, Mexico, Denmark, and many other countries competing. Volleyball was fun to play because you get to know the different teams, however it did leave me cooped up in a gym for 3 days... so when it wrapped up I was excited to check out some of the other sporting events such as badminton, basketball, soccer, and beach volleyball.

It was a pleasure to see people being awared their medals. To hear of stories of triumph and participation, to see the crowd cheering on the last man to cross the finish line of the men's 65 and older 1500 m race. The games were about participating, and there was a sense in the air that everyone had already won.

The week was made more pleasurable by having my house full of loved ones from the west. Tim came out from Prince George to play volleyball in the games (our teams played against each other in an epic battle... ending in a tie... which was healthy for our relationship), while Lisa & Ryan came out from Victoria to enjoy the Montreal summer, to cheer us on, and to help stalk Leonard Cohen from my balcony. One of my fondest memories of the week will be dressing up and heading down to the pride parade (see photo below). People actually came up to us to take our photos.

So now it is a quiet Monday night and I am thinking about heading to bed... I am still recooperating from lack of sleep and high emotions. But I am also feeling confused on how to process such an incredible and intense experience. How does one transition back into "everyday life" after such a unique and powerful experience?

I don't have the answer to this yet, but I know that I will be going back over the photos and the memories for a while... here are some pic's of the games. Included is the opening ceremonies, the badminton crowds, Ryan & myself with a drag queen, and my good friends Hil & Suzie on the podium after their 1st/2nd place in the womens 4 km cross-country race!

Let the games begin!

I am on the eve of a deliciously exciting week here in Montreal. The first ever World OutGames kicks off on the weekend with the opening ceremonies on Saturday night (featuring Cirque du Soleil, KD Lang, Martha Walsh, and more). The OutGames consist of a conference on Human Rights, numerous sporting competitions, as well as cultural events (such as dance and choral). It is an opportunity to bring people together, to gain media attention for gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgendered rights, to engage in sport, to enjoy the many shows that are taking place.

Here is an exerpt from the OutGames website:

Based on the principles of Participation and Celebration, Respect and Fairness, Innovation, Diversity and Empowerment (PRIDE), the games welcome everyone, regardless of their sexual orientation, age, gender, race, religion, nationality, ethnicity, physical challenge, political beliefs, physical ability, athletic/artistic skills or HIV/ health status. There are no minimum athletic standards to qualify for the Outgames. People with specific needs or disabilities are integrated as full-fledged participants, volunteers, officials and spectators.


For myself, this week will serve as a celebration of sorts. I have come a long way from that 17 year old boy with a secret and no way of expressing himself. I know what it means to feel isolated, I know how it feels to be called a "fag", and I know that the process to feeling comfortable in my own skin has been somewhat tumultuous.

These days, I know how it feels to have community, to feel loved, and to feel proud. I am extremely blessed to be able to be accepted and supported by my family, friends, and a nation that is on the forefront of non-heterosexual rights. This week I celebrate the transition from isolation to community, from self-confused to self-connected, and from shame to pride.

It still brings tears to my eyes... and I hope it always will.

Thanks for being a part of my process.

Dan

Upon My Second Pillow

I discovered last night
that I have been sharing my bed
with a centipede.

When the lights go dim,
he crawls upon my second pillow
resting his laggard legs
(after a day of dodging dust bunnies
beneath my boxspring)

I haven't the heart
to ask him to find a new flat.

For if I were a centipede,
I would find it terribly tedious
to pull up my one hundred socks
and take on the day.