A Short history on fire

So there is always news about the craziest developments in technology: we’ve got cell phones with cameras, cameras with computers, and iPods the size of garlic cloves. IPods are actually getting so small that a friend of mine mistakenly ate his iPod as he was shoveling his mouth full of beef stroganoff in the Loyola cafeteria. I kid you not, he was burping Justin Timberlake for days. He brought sexy back… repeatedly.

But seriously, we are a culture that is obsessed with technology. In fact, as I sit here writing this article on my laptop, I am currently chatting on MSN Messenger, talking to my mother on the phone, watching kangaroos breed on the discovery channel, and baking blueberry oatbran muffins in my new laser toaster oven. Thankfully, technology lets me be in seven places at once so that my life can be simpler.

Really, what is hotter than technology these days?

Answer: Fire.

No, literally… fire is pretty hot. And with all this talk of electronic devises and “fuel efficient” cars, I think that we are to quick to forget the importance of this combustion phenomenon. Ever tried to roast a marshmallow without a fire? Hmm… didn’t think so. Ever tried to burn down the Whitehouse without a torch? Bet it was tough. Fire could be the most important discovery to man since oxygen.

Interestingly, a woman named A.Furchin invented the orange stuff by chance back in the year 73 865 BC when she was attempting to destroy her husband’s erotic stone tablets. A spark flew from a piece of flint and burnt down her cave. Furchin went on to be credited for the first loaf of bread and kiln roasted pottery, as well as the catalyst for a movement towards more discreet pornography.

And you thought fire came from dragons! (Ah, the naivety warms my heart.)

As humans began to incorporate fire into their lives, it was primarily used to heat the inside of small dwellings, to flame-broil wooly mammoth steaks, and to send smoke signals to distant clans. Throughout the years the purpose of fire diversified, such as conveniently incinerating witches and helping the romantically retarded to seduce potential lovers via the delicate dim of candlelight. Finally, today we use fire to light bongs, as a symbol that “the tribe has spoken”, and to destroy middle-eastern oil rich countries. Fire has helped us evolve to the highly intellectual race of humans that we are today.

So as we celebrate the latest in gizmos, widgets, and thing-a-ma-bobs, let us remember the spark that created the technological era. It’s the turning of the ignition, it’s everybody’s favourite little combo of heat, oxygen, & fuel, and it’s that little flame burning in your soul. It’s fire… and it’s the coolest technology out there.

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Endnote: You heard it here first… fire is hotter than Kim Jong-Il’s sunglasses this fall! Smoke signals will be the new text-message.