You Can't Always Get What You Want

When I was a young boy my father used to give me some wise advice. I would be standing in the toy isle at Zeller’s saying, “Dad, can I have the new He-Man action figure? I really want it. I HAVE to have it.” He would turn to me with a smile on his face and starting singing…

“You can’t always get what you want”

This would proceed to annoy me to no end, and if I were feeling particularly volatile, I would grace the world with an entitlement tantrum. I would then conclude with a solid two-hour sulking session. What a little brat I was.

Well thank God those days are far behind…

(Insert screeching wheel sound here)

Okay, the truth is that I am still in many ways the young boy who has wants that are unrealistic, desires that go unrequited. Except that now I am older and supposedly more mature, with emotional skills to deal with rejection and compromise.

The question that I am now exploring is, “What is the value in being denied, in not getting what I want?”

It is not the easiest question to answer. My first response is to say, “Yeah, yeah… I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. We don’t always get what we want.” But that’s not even answering the question. I want to think about the actual benefits of not getting what I want.

I usually apply the theory of “I know what’s best for Daniel”. However, when I don’t get what I want, this very theory is compromised. If I want something and it is not granted, then perhaps I am not as apt or capable as I initially esteemed myself to be. Which raises another question, “Do I actually know what’s best for me?” (I’ll save this one for another day)

So what is so great about rejection? About denial? Well my tentative answer is that it keeps me exploring options. I get to experience alternative ways of joy and of living that I might not have initially considered, or have been even capable of imagining. If I allow them to, rejection and denial can lead to motivation to improve myself and to learn from the alternatives. And if I am able to put things in perspective, I usually find… I get what I need.

And that’s a pretty amazing thing.