A Little Spruce Tree

A mighty wind has blown me across this continent and up Hwy 97 to my hometown of Prince George, the White-Spruce Capital of the World. It feels good to be home. It is reassuring to know that I can go out into the world, allow myself to be altered by many formative experiences, yet I am able to return to a place where change is much slower and family is a constant.

I am a little spruce tree, and my roots run deep into this clay soil.

Perhaps you can relate to a hometown or a place where you can return and be reminded of the past (if you live in the same city that you grew up, perhaps this place is a yearly vacation spot, or an old neighborhood). We have places in our lives that hold history, for me, Prince George is a forest of memories.

When I return, there is often a process of taking stock of what I have been through since my last visit. What have I accomplished? Who have I met? Where have I traveled or wandered through? How have I allowed the world to change me, and more importantly, do I like the changes? It is an opportunity to witness personal growth and evolution as I compare the person I am today to younger versions of myself.

One great way of doing that is how I engage with my family. There have been times when I have returned and have been bit temperamental (to put it frankly, I was a bitch). Other times I have been withdrawn and distant. These days, with the exception of an occasional mood swing, I find that I am able to be much more present. I am more interested in engaging in a way that is beneficial to the overall climate of my family system.

What does this mean? It means knowing when to challenge and when to accept, when to speak out and when to keep my mouth shut, when to step up to lend a hand and when to take the time I need for myself. It is a knowledge of what is desired from my loved-ones, while keeping in mind what I need to do for myself so that I am able to be of service to them. For me, this is much of the essence of maintain healthy relationships.

In theory it sounds lovely, in actuality it can be quite challenging.

So the choices I made a couple of weeks ago have allowed me to return to familiar soil. I am satisfied with my decision and the opportunities it has granted me: I like being home, I like the fact that I can have time and space to reconnect with family and self, I like the large sky of northern BC.

It has been six months since my last visit and my time away from this home has left me a bit older, more experienced, perhaps even a bit wiser. And I will leave here feeling rested, and ready to allow myself to be challenged, pushed, and formed again. I have learned that the world grants much opportunity to experience and develop; I just have to be willing to grow.

Luckily, spruce trees are meant to grow.